Beautiful Mess
by ellmo82
Summary: Rachel and Quinn end up in the same class. What begins as an awkward friendship starts to become something more.
1. Chapter 1

She couldn't remember the last time she'd been in the same class as Rachel Berry, being a Cheerio had allowed her to coast, but that was over now and she needed a new route out of Lima. No more B+ Quinn. AP chemistry was not her idea of a fun way to spend Friday afternoon but Miss Pilsbury had told her colleges would look favourably on a former cheerleader with an aptitude for the sciences so her she was. She took a seat near the back of the class, not right at the back where her presence would go unnoticed but far enough back to make her look nonchalant. That's when Rachel walked in, all knitwear and mini skirt, and sat right next to her.

"Hey Quinn."

"Oh, hi Berry, I didn't know you were in AP chemistry."

"Oh I take all the AP classes. I have the talent to get into a performing arts school but it never hurts to be fully rounded."

"Of course not."

Quinn rolled her eyes and hoped Rachel didn't notice. The girl was sweet and all, and she'd even been kinda decent to her on occasion, but man did she have an ego.

"So I take it you don't have a lab partner, what with you being new to class."

"I hadn't thought about it."

"Well, we glee kids should stick together, consider me your new lab partner."

Quinn forced a smile.

"Great."

It was only one semester, she could handle a few extra hours of Rachel a week for a semester. How hard could it be?

* * *

When Quinn got home her mother was already in the kitchen standing over something on the stove, a glass of gin nestled as always in her left hand. Quinn tried to get past unnoticed, almost making it to the stairs before her mother called out her name. There was no point trying to ignore her now, her mother would just call and call until eventually she came down to talk to her.

"Hi mom"

"Quinnie, how was school? Did you see Finn today?"

Since discovering that Puck had been the one to blame for 'the incident', as her mother referred to it, she had become obsessed with Finn and her getting back together. She obviously saw him as safe. Maybe Quinn did too, safe, non-threatening, sweet Finn.

"I didn't really see him; I was starting all my new AP classes."

"Well next time you do be sure to say Hi from me."

"Sure mom."

Quinn started to head upstairs

"I'm making pasta for dinner so it won't be long, I don't want you having one of your 3 hour phone calls with Santanna."

"I'm just gonna get a started on my homework, I'll be down for dinner."

Quinn headed up to her room and emptied her bag onto her bed. In an attempt to be helpful Rachel had lent her all her notes from the previous AP chem classes she'd taken. She sat at her desk and looked through the folder. The margins were filled with doodled stars and lyrics from show tunes. Rachel was so predictable. Quinn got out a pencil and started to work through Rachel's notes, this was going to be a long semester.

* * *

Rachel got home to an empty house as usual. Her dads rarely got home before seven these days. She sat at the kitchen table, put her iPod in the stereo and pressed play. Celine Dion came blasting out of the speakers and she sang along gently as she got her English assignment out of her bag. Staring at the page she thought back to the surprise of finding Quinn in AP chem. She'd always assumed the girl wasn't that bright but with the Cheerios truly behind her maybe the girl was trying to improve herself and that's something Rachel would encourage in anyone. Hopefully once she'd caught up Quinn would be a good lab partner, plus it wouldn't hurt her popularity to be seen around school with the ex-head cheerleader. Realising she wasn't really getting any work done she went upstairs to her room and turned on her laptop. Opening her browser she went straight to her first stop whenever she went online, Afterellen. She wasn't part of the community or anything, she just liked to read the news, see what TV shows or films she should be on the lookout for, read interviews with women she could aspire to be. Not that she wanted to be the lesbian Striesand or anything like that.

There was that word again; it still caught her off guard even when she just thought it. Lesbian. The realisation had been slow, a feeling here, a stray thought there. Until one afternoon she was reading a magazine and she realised she was staring at one of the models and biting her lip, something stirring in the pit of her stomach. Straight girls didn't do that. She had thought back over her life. There was Sarah, her best friend when she was seven who she used to play house with, something that at the time seemed so normal but with hindsight should have been a sign. In her seven year old imagination being married to Sarah was a perfect future. Then at 12 there had been the councillor at music camp, Jen. Jen had been tall and graceful and while at the time Rachel called it admiration she was pretty certain now that it had been a crush. She remembered fondly the palpitations and sweaty palms the older girl had induced just being in the same room as her. So since then there had been Finn and Puck _and_ Jessie. But all they'd ever done was kiss and so much of those relationships had been wrapped up in the desire for acceptance, the need to feel cool. Finn had been sweet and never pushed her to do anything physical though he had been confused as to why she never really wanted him to touch her. She had thought she was just being sensible, now she knew better. She did love him, but as a friend. Puck had been little more than a couple of ill-timed kisses. And Jessie, well as much as she hated to admit it, he was mostly a manifestation of her narcissism. That left her here and now, fully aware and accepting of who she was but terrified for anyone else to know, even her dads. For right now this had to be hers and only hers. Just while she got completely comfortable with it, let it sink into her skin. Anyway, her dads would ask too many questions, try and help too much. But she was in high school in Lima, Ohio, this was not the kind of place you found a high school gay couple, Kurt could testify to that. She would just wait. College wasn't that far off and there she knew she could start afresh as the real authentic her.

"You home honey?" Her dad called from downstairs.

"Yeah dad, just doing some homework." She cleared her browser history and closed the laptop. Always weary of being found out.

"Your papa's making dinner, wanna come down and give him a hand?"

"Be right down dad."

She stood up, straightened her skirt and headed down to her dads, hoping the gay wasn't showing.


	2. Chapter 2

Quinn was having trouble keeping up. It wasn't that AP chem was too hard for her, but with three other AP classes she was getting behind. She just wasn't used to doing this much work. Last year all she had to do was walk around the halls being a bitch. Sometimes the act grated, but it was easier than homework. If only she hadn't grown a backbone. Glee had given her ethics and there was no turning back now. Spending all that time with people she had once considered losers had changed her. Obviously the pregnancy had had its effect as well, but it was more the way the glee cub had treated her through it than the pregnancy itself. People she had openly mocked came to her defence. Those she would never have even looked at in the halls had held her when she cried and told her it would all be ok. They were kind of her family now and when you have a family you care about you want to take care of them. There had been no other choice but to quit the Cheerios, she couldn't be that person anymore. But then who was she? Once the uniform was off what lay beneath, beneath the hair and the make-up and the fake attitude. Who was Quinn Fabray? It would seem from her current predicament she definitely wasn't a nerd.

Quinn sighed, sitting back from her desk in the library and staring at the ceiling. One more hour and she'd give up. Maybe college wasn't for her after all. Maybe she should stay in Lima, get an office job, eventually move out of her mom's. Oh god, the prospect was too depressing. She had to concentrate, get to grips with this stuff. Rachel seemed to take it all in stride if her notes were anything to go by. In between the doodles everything was meticulously laid out and colour coded and even indexed. Was there anything that girl couldn't do? Apart from dress well, of course. Quinn started to grin to herself when she was interrupted by someone sitting in the chair next to her.

"How's it going Quinn, are my notes helpful? I keep quite a thorough record of everything that happens in class."

"Hi. They're great, thanks for the help. Not sure it's all going in though. I think chemistry's not my thing."

"I'm sure that's not it." Rachel scrunched up her face as she spoke and pulled her notes toward her. "Maybe it would help if I went through them with you."

Quinn wasn't sure what to say. It probably would help but she could imagine Rachel would be the worst tutor ever. However, Quinn really needed her help.

"If you're sure. I mean, if it won't put you out or anything."

"Of course not. We should start soon though. Are you free this afternoon?" Rachel knew she was being forceful, she always knew, she just didn't care. She needed to do well in this class and maybe spending time with Quinn would make the blonde see that she wasn't so bad after all. Rachel wasn't expecting friendship but at least a little more civility.

"I guess. Now that I don't have practice I have a lot more free afternoons."

"That's settled then. Meet me on the front steps after school and I'll take you through what you've missed. I'll have you caught up in no time."

Rachel shut her folder decisively and left before Quinn had a chance to reply. The blonde sighed again; this was probably going to be a really bad idea.

* * *

Quinn spent the rest of the afternoon in her regular classes with Britt and Santana, goofing off a little more than she should. It was nice to just be around them without the pressure of Cheerios and San's unquenchable competitive streak. Now neither of them was head cheerleader, they were just friends, best friends. She had known both of them for years, grown up with them really. Things had changed recently, their dynamic shifting as Britt and San got closer and Quinn dealt with her own issues, but in the end they were still three girls who used to play dress-up in San's older sister's closet and have sleepovers nearly every weekend. She didn't begrudge the other two their closeness; she knew there was more going on there than either of them was willing to admit to. San would just tell her that she got lonely sometimes and any warm body would do, but Quinn knew better, she could see the look of love that came over the Latina's face sometimes. And Britt, well it was obvious she was smitten and in her naivety had no idea why anyone could have a problem with her falling in love with her best friend. Artie was her boyfriend, but San was her everything and in Britt's mind the two could co-exist without any problems. She smiled at the pair, writing each other notes in the back of US History, it was cute.

"What you smiling at Q?"

"Just thinking that I kinda love you guys."

"None of that weepy crap, Q, how'm I meant to keep up this rep with you sitting there cry babying like a toddler."

"Ok, I take it back; you're a stone cold bitch."

"Damn straight I am. Now what's Mr. Nichols saying, I ain't listened to a word?"

* * *

Rachel sat front and centre in all her classes as always, scribbling away in her notebook, every now and then thrusting her arm aloft to answer any questions the teachers asked. She could see the disappointed look they got when once again she was the only one prepared to answer. She didn't care though, they were stuck here. They were teachers at William McKinley High in Lima, Ohio; she was going to be much more, so much more. Her thoughts drifted to her afternoon plans. Quinn was popular and cool; she would have to play it equally cool if they were going to become friends. They would have to go to Quinn's house, she didn't think seeing the shrine to her that her dads had built would send quite the right message. She loved it but it might be a bit full on for the first time they hung out just the two of them. She imagined Quinn being really thankful for all the help and offering to go shopping with her or get coffee some time. She imagined her and Quinn sitting in her room listening to music and talking about which solo Rachel should tackle next. She thought about Quinn and her dancing and singing along to Madonna in her room until they fell down in a fit of giggles, their faces just that little bit closer than they should be. Hang on, where did that one come from? Rachel felt a little flush realising she had just stopped herself daydreaming about Quinn Fabray. She shook her head and dismissed the idea. She was just enamoured with the girl's popularity, not the girl. Plus these days in her new state of discovery almost every girl she walked past had at some point become Rachel Berry fantasy fodder.

* * *

As the final bell rang Quinn said goodbye to San and Britt, who were headed off to Britt's to study, and went to wait outside. Quinn knew the girls weren't being exactly honest but it was up to them to tell her when they were ready. If San ever was ready. She waited for Rachel on the steps, kicking her heels against the ground.

Rachel walked out the doors and saw Quinn sitting there. Looking at her now, unaware she was being watch, Rachel had to admit that the blonde was cute. She was twirling her hair round her finger and kicking at a patch of dirt with the heel of her boot. There was a certain something about her. Not that it mattered, Rachel could crush on a million girls, Lima was not where she planned to find love. Love could wait; she had to finish High School. She walked down the steps and stood next to Quinn.

"Hey, you ready?" Quinn stood at the sound of Rachel's voice realising for maybe the first time how much taller she was than Rachel.

"Yeah, where are we going?"

"Is it ok if we go to yours, my dads are planning a party and I don't want to get in their way?" It wasn't strictly speaking a lie; they were planning a small soirée, just not 'til later that night when they got back from work.

"Um, I guess, sure."

They arrived at Quinn's house 20 minutes later, Rachel having talked almost the entire time. Quinn had switched off a little. There was stuff about Regionals and Mr Schue and wanting to sing something by some band she'd never heard of, The Indigo something, it all kind of blurred into one. As soon as she opened the door Quinn wished she'd suggested they go somewhere else, her mom was blitzed. She came strolling out of the kitchen, glass in hand, swaying just slightly.

"Quinnie, who's this?"

"This is Rachel, Mom, from glee."

"Well it's nice to meet you Rachel from glee." She stuck out a hand for Rachel to shake and being the polite girl she was Rachel shook it.

"Nice to meet you too Mrs. Fabray, you have a lovely home." Quinn knew that was a lie, her mom had obviously been home all day and there were magazines and random items of clothing all over the floor.

"I've had myself a little fashion show, Quinn, think it might be time for a shopping trip. You girls should come with me, make it a day."

She sat down with a thud and patted the seat next to her.

"Come join me girls, tell me how your day was."

"We're here to study, Mom, Rachel's going to help me with chem." Quinn tried to use the firm tone of voice that usually got her mom to leave her alone. She could see Rachel was looking uncomfortable and she just wanted to get them upstairs so she could shut the door and pretend her mom didn't exist.

"Oh, phooey to homework, come sit and chat with your Mom. I'm sure Rachel can tell me all about what you've been up to, we never talk anymore Quinnie."

"Mom…"

"Actually Mrs Fabray Quinn just came to pick up a book and then we were going to my house. I promised my dads I'd be home."

"Your dads?" Quinn could see her mom prickle at the words and put on her best country club face to try and hide her discomfort.

"Yeah, they're both getting home from work any minute now and I promised I'd be there."

"Yeah Mom, we have to go." Quinn ran upstairs picked up the first book on her desk and ran back down stairs again. "See you later Mom!" she shouted behind her as she ushered Rachel out the door. As soon as it was closed behind them Quinn turned to her with an apologetic smile.

"Thanks. She can be…well…she can be drunk. A lot of the time. She misses my dad."

"I'm sorry, I didn't…" Rachel tried to look up into the blonde's eyes and show her there was no need to apologise but Quinn just looked away. "Let's go to mine. My dads aren't actually home. I just…my place is a little different."

"We don't have to. I can just go for a walk or something and sneak back in later."

"No. I said we were going to go through my notes and we will."

* * *

Rachel's house was smaller than Quinn's but it seemed friendlier. They sat in Rachel's kitchen as she went over everything Quinn was having trouble with.

"So, I divide by that?" Quinn asked.

"Exactly. I thought you said you didn't get it."

"I guess I just wasn't sure I was doing it right."

"You seem to be fine; you just need a little time to catch up." Quinn smiled at her by way of thanks and Rachel's stomach did a little flop. But surely, the girl told herself, that was just because her plan was coming together. Quinn was going to be her friend and soon her popularity would be on the up. She was a little startled by the sound of the front door closing.

"Honey, we're home!"

"In here Papa!"

Quinn looked quizzically at Rachel.

"Do your dads always come home at the same time?"

"They work kinda near each other and Dad always waits for Papa to finish so they can drive home together."

"That's sweet." Quinn meant it; it was cute that Rachel's parents still wanted to spend that much time together. Hers couldn't even be in a room together anymore.

Hiram Berry walked into the kitchen and he was not what Quinn expected. Well, he was short, which kind of made sense, but he also seemed, well, nerdy. He definitely seemed to lack Rachel's feel for the dramatic. It all made a little more sense when Leroy walked in. The man made a beeline right for his daughter, picked her off her chair and pulled her into a hug.

"Hey, sunshine, how's my girl doing?"

"I'm good Dad." Rachel's smile was a mile wide. Quinn should have guessed she was a daddy's girl.

"And who is this blonde bombshell sat beside you?" Quinn was sure she saw a blush sweep across Rachel's face but she didn't know why, her dads weren't anything to be ashamed of.

"This is Quinn, from glee. I'm helping her with chem."

Leroy extended a hand.

"Enchanté, mademoiselle." He said it with a glint in his eye and Quinn couldn't help but giggle a little. This was not how she normally behaved. She was reserved, a little cold even, this guy was good.

"Nice to meet you Mr Berry."

"Leroy, please. And him over there, that's Hiram, my better half." Hiram waved from across the kitchen where he was emptying grocery bags.

"Are you joining us for dinner Quinn?" Leroy asked. Rachel could see Quinn looked a little nervous at the question. She would have loved Quinn to stay; dad could charm anyone and could definitely have helped cement this new friendship.

"Oh, thanks, I can't…my Mom…"

"Well next time then. It's always nice to meet one of Rach's friends." He winked at his daughter; they both knew friends were something she'd never been very good at.

"Thanks, actually I should go now, I have to get back." Quinn started to pack up her stuff. This place was a little too much, with their joking and happiness. Where was the drama and anger, that's what home was meant to be like. "Thanks Rachel, you've been a real help."

"I'll walk you out." Rachel walked Quinn to the door and stood by it as the blonde put her coat on.

"Like I said, thanks, it was nice of you." They made eye contact for a moment, Rachel seeing the sincerity in Quinn's eyes.

"Any time. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah, tomorrow." Quinn replied as she turned and walked down the steps. That had been ok. At times it had even almost, nearly, been fun. Rachel wasn't so bad after all, and she was actually an ok tutor, once you got her to talk about school rather than singing. Maybe she'd misjudged the girl a little. Maybe new Quinn didn't need to be quite so hardnosed and could make a little room in her life for the overly excitable girl. She was helping her after all.

Rachel shut the door and went up to her room. That had gone well, dad had been charming, Papa hadn't embarrassed her and as far as she could tell she hadn't talked _too_ much about herself. So then why was she feeling all strange about it? Why was she playing over every moment in her head, thinking about how Quinn had tucked her stray hair behind her ear or bit on the end of her pencil when she was thinking? Why was Quinn Fabray all she could think about? Oh dear.


	3. Chapter 3

"Ok guys, we're going to do something a little different today." Will sat on a stool in front of the glee club hoping his next request wouldn't cause too much friction in the group. He knew some of the students would get on board right away but others might take a little persuading.

"Mr. Shue, are we going to have a week without a show tune?"

"Funny Santana. No. Next month McKinley has decided to have a GLBT awareness week. With some of the incidents that have happened in the school this year it's been decided that we need to teach a little tolerance. And, as always, Principal Figgins wants us to perform at the assembly."

Rachel stopped as soon as she heard those four initials. She suddenly became painfully self aware. What if people worked out the secret she had only recently realised she was keeping? Maybe they'd suddenly look at her and see all the things she had finally seen in herself? She was not ready to be McKinley High's only lesbian student. But she knew they would be looking at her; apart from Kurt, who didn't even go to McKinley anymore, she was the only one they knew even remotely connected to the gay community. She knew they'd all think she was the expert. If only. In coming to terms with her own sexuality she'd realised how little she'd understood about being gay. Since she could remember she'd always reeled off the appropriate answers when quizzed about her dads. Being gay didn't make them any different, it was just about love, it didn't change them. But she wasn't sure she believed that anymore. Realising she was gay _had _changed her. It had made her more aware of herself, more questioning of the world around her and the assumptions that were always being made. It gave her a new confidence because finally her actions and her feelings made sense. As soon as she started looking for reassurance in songs and movies that expressed how she was feeling she realised she was becoming part of a community even if she'd never spoken to anyone about her new self-discovery. But she'd also realised it was kind of lonely. Learning to understand herself had been a journey she'd had to take alone, she sometimes thought it was weird how she could simultaneously feel so part of something and still feel so desperately lonely.

"You're not going to make me sing to Finn or something are you? Cos the Puckster is all about the ladies." Puck was leaning back in his chair trying to look his most pimp and not show how uncomfortable he was.

"No Puck, I'm not going to make you do that. I'm not sure any of us wants to see that. However, I am going to pair you up into same sex pairs and give you two weeks to come up with the perfect group number for the assembly. I want you find songs about love and acceptance. I've put half your names in these two hats. Boys this side, girls that. Now there're an odd number of boys and girls so whoever doesn't get picked will have to work in boy/girl pair. OK, Tina, Brittany, Quinn, go pick a name from this side, Artie and Mike, go pick one from over there."

The boys picked first, Artie getting Sam and Mike picking Puck. The club all looked to Puck when his name was called, assuming he'd make an issue of it, but the boy just shrugged and lent back in his chair. As the girls went up to pick their names Rachel could feel her heart start to race. Either her name would be picked and she'd be spending two weeks with one of her female friends talking about gay issues or she would be paired with Finn and spend two awkward weeks trying not to talk about why their relationship had fallen apart. Neither option sounded that great to her.

Quinn was last to choose. Britt picked Mercedes and Quinn could see the disappointment in the blonde's eyes and Tina had picked Santana. So Quinn was either about to spend two weeks with Lauren, a girl she hardly knew, or with Rachel, the most competitive and diva-ish girl in school. Although she didn't know why, she was really hoping to get Rachel's name. And she did. Opening the folded piece of paper slowly she saw the name and without thinking a smile spread across her face. Realising she was being watched she composed herself, dropped her shoulders and looked at the rest of the group.

"Looks like I got Berry." She looked over at Rachel who was looking down at her hands, obviously not happy with the outcome of the draw. And there was Quinn thinking she and the brunette had been getting on OK, she guessed she'd been wrong. Of course, Rachel would have been hoping to be paired with Finn, a way to try and get back into his good books. Well, whether Rachel was disappointed or not, they were stuck with each other now.

Will went over how the assignment was going to work and then bell rang so they all gathered their bags and headed to their lockers. Quinn took her time, waiting for everyone else to leave apart from Rachel.

"I know you didn't want to be partnered with me. Which I get. I just wanted to say thanks."

Rachel was so caught up in her own worries she didn't really understand what Quinn was trying to get at and she definitely didn't hear the resignation in the blonde's voice.

"Huh?"

"For not making an issue out of the…stuff, with my mom. Thanks." She bit her lip a little; uncomfortable talking about her home life with a girl she'd only recently realised wasn't a complete loser.

"Oh, that's ok. We all have issues at home. It's not your fault."

She knew Rachel was just saying what she thought should be said, but Quinn realised it was the first time anyone had ever told her that. San had called her mom a bitch, Britt had told her how much fun it was hanging with Judy Fabray when she was wasted, but no one had ever told her not blame all this on herself. She never would have guessed Rachel Berry would be the first one to do it.

"I know. Well actually, sometimes I'm not sure. But thanks for saying it." She shrugged and tried to make eye contact with the girl, but Rachel just looked away. "So when do you want to start working on this assignment? Maybe tomorrow lunchtime?"

"Um…yeah. Tomorrow lunchtime. Fine." And with that Rachel turned and walked out the door. No elaborate schedule, no pep talk about how they were going to find the perfect song. Not even a goodbye. She really must have been bummed about not getting to work with Finn.

* * *

Rachel couldn't get to her locker fast enough. She did not want Quinn asking questions, seeing if Rachel had any good suggestions for a song they could sing and seeing in Rachel's eyes just how much she related to this assignment. These two weeks were going to be horrible. She got her book bag together and headed out of the school, planning to take the long route home to give her time to think. Walking through the park she decided she was going to have to be careful, guarded. No accidently mentioning just the right Melissa Etheridge song or absentmindedly admitting to songs that had helped her accept herself.

She got home quicker than she planned and found her dads in the living room already.

"Hey Honey, how was school?" Hiram looked up from the book he was reading. He was lying on the sofa, his feet resting on his husband's lap. Leroy was giving him a foot massage. She looked at them for a moment in their relaxed intimacy, so comfortable with each other. She hoped one day she'd find someone she could just sit on a sofa with reading a book.

"You're home early."

"I have an early morning meeting tomorrow so took the afternoon off and your dad is supposed to be working from home right now." He shot Leroy a fake annoyed look.

"You telling me you want me to stop and go back to my office?" Leroy smiled.

"Now why would I say such a thing?" He patted his husband on the arm and chuckled.

"I'm headed to the kitchen, do either of you want anything."

"We're both fine, thanks. I'll start dinner in a bit, any requests?"

"Not really." Rachel started to head for the kitchen to get something to drink.

"You ok, Hon, you seem quiet?"

"I'm fine Papa, just a lot of homework to get through tonight."

"Well don't work too hard."

"I won't."

She got herself a glass of water and headed up to her room. She really did have a lot of homework to get through and she knew it was going to take longer than usual with the stuff going on in her head.

* * *

Lunchtime seemed to come quick the next day. Quinn waited on the steps again for Rachel, for some reason in exactly the same spot she had waited just a few days before. She was kind of looking forward to seeing the girl. She knew Rachel would have preferred a different partner, but they could still make this work. And if anyone was going to put their all in to this assignment, it was her. For some reason the fact she knew that Rachel would take over, talk too much and make the whole thing about her wasn't as annoying as it had once been. The girl was just driven and enthusiastic, Quinn could relate. She'd been ruthless before, been unashamed of her desire to win. She'd never realised quite how much her and Rachel had in common.

Rachel saw Quinn waiting on the step and sighed. She had to go through with this. She'd been hiding for a few months now; she could keep it up for a couple of weeks. She stared for a little longer, realising once again she was having problems taking her eyes off Quinn Fabray. This was getting stupid. She shook off the thoughts and walked over to the blonde.

"Hey, Rachel. Shall we go the choir room; I don't think anyone else is using it?"

"Ok." Quinn was struck by the brevity of Rachel's answer; that was not the Rachel she was used to.

They settled in a couple of chairs in the choir room and Rachel got her laptop out of her bag.

"Do you have any suggestions?"

"You're asking me first, are you feeling ok Berry?" Quinn tried to make it sound like she was joking, but she really was surprised by the question.

"I was just trying to be fair."

"Well I haven't really thought about it much, I was hoping you'd get the ball rolling."

"Left to do all the work again." Rachel sighed, hoping Quinn might have come with a suggestion she could just agree with and this could be over.

"I'm sorry Rachel; I didn't mean to upset you. Just usually you have a million ideas. We can come up with something together. What are you listening to at the moment?"

"Why would that have any bearing on what we're doing for this assignment?" Rachel felt trapped, like Quinn somehow knew something.

"I'm not saying it would, it might just help us get started thinking. Like right now I'm really into the last Jason Mraz album, Sam turned me on to it and there's this really amazing song…"

Rachel stopped listening, of course she liked an album Sam suggested to her, she probably only listened to new music when boys gave her albums.

"…and I've got back into I'm Wide Awake It's Morning, the Bright Eyes album, do you know it?"

Rachel's ears pricked at the question, of course she knew that album, she'd had it on repeat for about six months after she bought it. She was known for her love of Broadway divas but her taste was more eclectic than that. She loved a well-crafted song whatever genre it fell into.

"Oh my god, I love that album. Landlocked Blues is amazing!"

"Such a good album. Conor Oberst could sing anything. I listen to At The Bottom of Everything almost every morning." Quinn was grinning and she could see Rachel's expression brighten too.

Rachel had no idea that beneath the cheerleader exterior Quinn had depth. She'd seen flashes of it that day at her house, but there was something more there now. Quinn liked music that wasn't empty lyrics with a good beat; she liked something with soul, something with a message. Suddenly what had been a bit of a crush on a very cute girl was becoming more than a bit of a crush on a girl that just might be pretty amazing.

They spent the rest of lunch talking about music, Rachel detailing her extensive knowledge of Indie music and Quinn agreeing with most of it. Rachel was becoming something of a surprise. Normally Quinn didn't talk about this sort of thing, Britt and San were purely Pop and R&B so there had been no point ever trying to get them to listen to Iron and Wine or Noah and The Whale.

"God, look at the time. We have to be getting to class soon." Rachel wished she didn't have to pull them out this conversation, but she couldn't start skipping classes.

"Wow, yeah, look at the time. I should go get my stuff for class."

The two stood up and headed to their lockers, walking together down the hall. Rachel got to hers first and turned to say goodbye to Quinn

"So I'll see you later."

"Yeah, see you later, and don't forget to check out the Low Anthem album."

"I won't." They almost hugged. Both looking like they wanted to but neither wanting to be the one to initiate it, so they just waved. As Quinn walked toward her locker Santana appeared from round the corner.

"You must have had fun, spending lunch with Little Miss Whines A Lot."

"Leave her alone, she's not that bad."

"That's not what you used to say. You've called her far worse than that, Q."

"Well maybe I've changed my mind."

"She paying you off or something, cos you saw what happened when she tried that with B."

"No she's not paying me. She's just not as bad as I thought she was. She can be kinda fun."

"Fun? That is not a word I would use to describe Rachel 'stick permanently up her ass' Berry."

"Knock it off, ok. Where have you been anyway?"

"Me and B had lunch on the bleachers." Quinn knew what that meant. That meant they were hiding under the bleachers making out. Quinn had seen them there once after a Cheerios practice. And though she was annoyed by San's comments, she didn't say anything.

* * *

Over the next three days the pair spent every lunchtime together and one evening at the Berry house. Mostly they talked music or did homework. It was nice, just the two of them, not even having to talk, just enjoying the beginnings of a new friendship. Both liked learning things about the other that surprised them. As much as both girls assumed they already knew so much about the other they were still shocked by some of the little things they had in common. A love of rocky road ice cream, eaten only after it started to melt, waiting right til the end of movies to see who performed the music, going outside during the first snowfall and trying to catch some on their tongues. After both admitting they were secretly addicted to My Super Sweet Sixteen they spent an hour planning what their ultimate lavish party would be like. Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray were more alike than either of them ever imagined and both were enjoying getting to know someone new, it happened so rarely in those last few years of High School. By that point everyone knew each other, or as the girls were starting to learn, thought they did. The only problem was the more Rachel got to know Quinn the more she liked her and the more Quinn got to know Rachel the more she wondered if she knew herself at all and how she could ever have been so cruel to the girl.

* * *

Rachel got up to change the song on her ipod.

"So tell me what happened next, did he touch your hand again?" Rachel had invited Kurt to help decide how she was going to redecorate her room. She had last done it when she was 13 and it just seemed a little too immature now.

"No, he just sat there like nothing happened. I swear these mixed signals are going to kill me."

"Aww, Kurt, I'm sure he just doesn't want to rush you."

"I hope you're right, but at the moment I could do with being a little rushed. Have you seen his biceps?"

"I've not really looked."

"How could you not?" Maybe this was her in. Rachel's desire to re-do her room, though real, was not as pressing a matter as she had suggested to Kurt. Really it was an excuse to talk to the only other gay kid she knew, maybe find someone she could talk to about all this stuff going on in her head.

"Well, I'm not sure he's really my type." Her heart was racing, was she going to say it? For the first time, was she going to say it out loud?

"I know he's gay, but that doesn't mean you can't see how hot he is."

"It's not that _he's _gay…"

"Huh?"

She took a deep breath.

"Kurt, I feel perhaps you're the only person I can confidently confide in with this information."

"Yes?"

"I think I'm. Well, no, I know I'm…well…I'm gay."

Kurt's jaw dropped but he recovered quickly.

"Well. Congratulations. What made you come to this conclusion?"

"What made you? I realised I noticed girls. A lot."

"I did always wonder how you could go out with Finn and not jump his tall, delicious body." Rachel swatted at his arm.

"This isn't a joke."

"I know, Rachel, I just wanted you to know it wasn't a big deal to me."

"It's a big deal to me." She looked down and Kurt pulled her into a hug.

"Oh I know Honey, I know how hard it is to say the first time. Thank you for trusting me. Now there can be two of us in the Lima teen gay club. Unless there's a special lady in your life?"

"No one who'd look at me twice."

"Oh now come on, a hot piece of ass like you. Don't be ludicrous."

"That's sweet, but I don't think she's ever going to think of me like that."

"She? She who?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Oh come on. Don't leave me hanging. Nothing could be as bad as my painfully obvious Finn crush."

"Fine. It's Quinn. I have an insane, can't stop thinking about her, never going to be reciprocated crush on Quinn Fabray."

"Well that's not a name I expected." Rachel buried her head in her hands, her cheeks crimson from the embarrassment.


	4. Chapter 4

Telling Kurt had both freed Rachel and terrified her in equal measure. On one hand she now had someone she could go to when her head got too noisy and even singing wouldn't clear it, but on the other hand it made everything so much more real. Saying everything out loud, finally giving it a voice meant she couldn't ignore it anymore. Not that she'd been in denial, not about all of it anyway. Strangely the hardest part had been admitting her crush. Telling Kurt she was gay had been scary but not half as terrifying as finally admitting, to herself as well as Kurt, that she really did have feelings for Quinn Fabray. Kurt had been understanding, told her to stop chiding herself for something she had little control over. He knew first-hand the awkward pain of having a crush on a straight friend, warning her not to make the same mistakes he had. And he was right; she had to make sure Quinn never found out. They'd only just started to form something that resembled a friendship, the last thing she wanted to do was alienate the girl by letting on that she wanted to be more than friends. They had spent most of the afternoon talking about her new-found sexual identity. When had she first realised she was gay? Was she planning to tell her dads yet? Who were her celebrity crushes? It was nice to just talk about it and not feel scared. Maybe this didn't have to be such a lonely time in her life. She also wondered how she and Kurt had not become better friends before. Even when she thought she was straight her love of theatre had always had her assuming she would make the greatest of fag hags. They vowed to spend more time together, especially now that they knew that had a new ally to brave the streets of conservative Lima with.

It hadn't really fixed her main problem though. Sure she could now vent to Kurt when she realised she'd accidently spent the whole of lunch staring at Quinn on the other side of cafeteria and actually forgotten to eat her own perfectly balanced meal. But she was still staring, nothing had changed. If anything it was getting worse. On top of the staring she now either had to be as near the blonde as possible or as far away as the room would allow, sometimes both at the same time. There would be glee practices where she just needed to sit near the girl, watch the expressions on her face change when they had to sing a song she hated, the way her foot would tap without her knowledge when they sang a song she loved. Rachel would stare at every line on the girl's hand; trace the contours of her body through her clothes, never looking at her face for fear her own would turn crimson and her secret would be visible for all the world to see. Other times the thought of being near her was too much, to be so close and so far was excruciating. To watch Quinn's fingers move absentmindedly along the folds of her skirt and not reach out to entwine them with her own was some form of torture. In those days after finally admitting her feelings they had only grown deeper. This was not just an idle crush anymore this was something else. Something she really hadn't been ready for.

Quinn was starting to wonder if she'd ever understood Rachel Berry. She thought they'd finally found some common ground and started to get to know each other. Maybe Rachel just didn't like the Quinn she was spending all this time with. She started to regret letting the other girl in at all. What was the point of being yourself if people didn't like you, at least when she'd been a bitch she knew why people didn't like her. She just couldn't work Rachel out. Sometimes she'd catch the Brunette looking at her with an amused smile, but when she'd grin back Rachel would just look away. Other times it was like she had some kind of communicable disease, the girl couldn't wait to escape her company. It was ridiculous, they had an assignment to work on, plus she could really do with another catch-up chem session. She was starting to hate that she sort of needed Rachel Berry. In some weird way it was almost like she missed her, and she hardly knew her. But that's what it felt like. She missed the way the girl kind of snort-laughed sometimes, or how when she was admitting something she found slightly embarrassing she would hide behind her hair. She missed the way the girl talked to her with no bravado; she was always herself, even when it got her trouble. Getting to know Rachel had made her look at herself, really try to understand why she had once been so cruel. The girl had never really done anything to deserve it apart from be herself, and it turned out that was someone Quinn actually liked. God, did she actually like Rachel Berry? Quinn realised she would have to be the one fix whatever had happened, remedy whatever mistake she'd made that had made Rachel start running so hot and cold.

* * *

As glee practice ended for the day and once again Rachel had sat on the opposite side of the risers to Quinn she decided enough was enough. Without worrying about the rest of the group being there she stopped packing up her stuff and strode over to the brunette who seemed to be in quite a hurry to leave.

"So what did I do? Did I insult Streisand; did I get the words to a song wrong? What have I done to make you act so weird these last few days?"

Rachel didn't know what to say, how to react without showing her true feelings. She took a breath and looked at Quinn, swearing for a second she saw sadness in the girl's eyes rather than the annoyance she was expecting.

"You haven't done anything; I'm just really busy with my own stuff." It was a lie, but it sounded enough like her that she hoped Quinn bought it.

"Really, too busy to work on a glee assignment? Glee is your life."

"Well maybe you don't know what my life entails. We spent a few hours together, you don't know me." She hadn't meant to get mad but her defences were up.

"Well sorry for thinking that maybe we didn't have to hate each other."

"Not hating each other and being friends are not the same thing."

"When did I say anything about friends, man hands." This wasn't how Quinn thought the conversation was going to go. She didn't want to be saying these things but something about Rachel's reaction just made her so angry.

"Glad the real Quinn is back, I was wondering when the act was going to stop."

"Oh, if you want that Quinn you've got her. I can't believe I even thought about trying to work with you anyway. Work on the assignment on your own."

"I will. You'd only drag me down anyway, with your sad, 'my life's so hard' indie music. I saw right through your act."

"Nice, Berry. Nice."

Quinn stormed out as her friends looked on, confused as to how two girls who hardly spoke to each other could get into such a heated argument. She went straight to her car, tears starting to form in her eyes. How could Rachel Berry make her cry? Rachel Berry. She didn't even know what made her so upset. It was true she was starting to like the idea of being friends with each other, but Rachel was right, they didn't really know each other. It's not like she was losing her best friend in the world.

Rachel continued to pack her stuff up, not looking at all the eyes in the room that were staring at her.

"Guess Q had enough of your boring self." Trust Santana to be the only one to say something.

Rachel didn't look up, walking out of the room with her eyes trained on the floor. What an idiot. She was so desperate to hide her growing feelings for Quinn she'd pushed the blonde right out of her life. Quinn was never going to talk to her now. Never going to sit with her doing homework together idly chewing on her pen and humming old Beatles songs without realising she could be heard. She was never going to secretly admit to Rachel when she did something nerdy she knew Santana would mock her for. Rachel slammed her locker shut angrily and tried to take a deep breath. She knew this crush was never going to amount to anything, how could it? But now she'd cheated herself out a friendship too.

* * *

It was fun, just the three of them again, they hadn't hung out like this in ages. Quinn looked over at San and Britt as they drank milkshakes and was glad there was still some consistency in her life after the weird fight with Rachel that afternoon.

"So what's with you and the munchkin? What was all that screeching about?" Santana always got straight to the point.

"She was just being her usual dramatic self. God knows."

"You weren't short on the dramatics yourself. I think you've spent too much time with her."

"I think it's nice they were making friends. Me and Rachel once shared blocks in kindergarten."

Santana looked over at Brittany with a smile, a smile that Quinn knew well.

"Thanks Britt but I think Berry is just too high strung," Quinn sighed. "I don't need all the drama. She can do the assignment without me."

"Enough about her. We's gots a movie to get to. Move it ladies."

Santana stood and passed Brittany her jacket, helping her put it on. Quinn knew the girls didn't even realise what they were doing. There were constant little displays of affection between the pair of them and Quinn found it sweet. She just wished Santana would realise what she had in Brittany and prayed she wouldn't break the girl's heart.

When they got to the theatre they realised they'd just missed the movie they were planning to see, some action thing San had picked staring some guy she had described as 'absalicious'. Looking at the listing there was one other movie about to start that none of them had heard of.

"We could just give it a miss guys, go see the movie another night." Quinn didn't mind the idea of going home and curling up on her bed listening to, what had Rachel called it? 'my life's so hard' indie music. But Britt was looking at Santana with pleading eyes and that was something the Latina could never resist.

"Britt here wants to see a movie, so let's just see this one."

"Ok."

The girls got their tickets and snacks and headed into the screen. It wasn't a very busy movie, so they got themselves some pretty good seats. Quinn sat to the right of the girls who were sharing a tub of popcorn between them and sitting as close as the seats would allow. As the lights went down Quinn understood why Britt had been so keen to see a film. In the dark of the theatre San wasn't afraid to throw a little affection the girl's way. She let Britt rest her hand on her knee and every now and then fed her some popcorn. She noticed Britt give Santana a light kiss on the neck and wished she had someone that besotted with her.

The movie started and from the looks of it it was a romantic comedy. As the film progressed Quinn soon realised it was a lesbian romantic comedy. It wasn't a problem for her, she was religious but she wasn't bigoted, she'd just never seen a gay movie before apart from Brokeback, and that had been for Jake Gyllenhaal. But the story was really good and she was sucked into it. When the two star-crossed women had their first sex scene Quinn found herself a little uncomfortable, there was something so, well, erotic about it. She looked over at her friends and realised they weren't watching the movie anymore; they were full-on making out. Santana had her hand high on Brittany's thigh and the blonde was running her fingers through Santana's hair. Quinn felt like she was intruding. She looked to her right and was sure she recognised the girl sitting on her own over the other side of the theatre. It was Rachel Berry. For the rest of the film Quinn couldn't help but look over at Rachel, wondering why the girl would come to the movies on her own, why she would come to _this_ movie on her own. As the film drew to a close she was sure she could see Rachel sobbing. She imagined Rachel always got invested in movies, but this was a little over the top, the girl seemed distraught. Before the lights came up she watched Rachel leave and turned to her friends realising they hadn't even noticed their fellow glee club member had been in attendance. They hardly noticed Quinn was there. She cleared her throat to let them know the movie was over. Santana sat up awkwardly and looked at her.

"Britt had something in her eye; I was trying to see what it was."

"In the dark?" Quinn tried not to smirk.

"San's always seeing things stuck in my eye, that's why she sits so close, so I don't accidently go blind." Britt seemed happy with her cover up and Quinn wasn't going to challenge them. She wanted to see if she could find Rachel.

"I'm going to the bathroom, meet you guys outside."

"Sure." Santana replied as she straightened her clothes.

Quinn headed out of the screen and to the nearest bathroom. All the stalls but one were empty and peering under the door she recognised Rachel's Mary Jane's. She knocked lightly; pretty sure she could still hear light sobs.

"Rachel? Is that you?" The sobs stopped abruptly and she heard shuffling.

"Quinn?" Her voice was small, unsure.

"Yeah. I saw you in the movie, are you ok?"

"You were watching that movie?"

"Yeah, me and San and Britt?"

"All three of you?"

"Yeah, all three of us. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Why do you care anyway?" Quinn sighed. Why did she care? Just that afternoon she'd gone back to finding Rachel infuriating. But for some reason seeing her so upset made her heart go out to her. She just wanted to make her feel better.

"Because for some crazy reason I don't want to see you cry. Why don't you open the door?"

That was the last thing Rachel wanted to do. The thought of Quinn seeing her like that, a crying mess just because a movie made her sad, it was mortifying. She wasn't even sure why she was in such a state. The movie had had a happy ending; the two girls had admitted their love and ended the film kissing in the middle of the street. Maybe that was why; maybe she wanted to find a girl who would kiss her in public and not be ashamed to love Rachel Berry. She couldn't hide in this stall forever though. She wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeve and finally opened the door. Quinn looked at her, worry etched on her face.

"Hey, what's got you so sad?"

"I don't know. I think I'm just emotional today." It was a vague response that she hoped would be enough.

"Tell me about it." Quinn raised an eyebrow, hoping to lighten the mood, "was there something in that movie that made you sad?"

"No. No. Just general stuff. Romance always gets me." Quinn wasn't sure she completely believed Rachel. There was something in her eyes, in the resigned sadness of her voice that made Quinn think this was more than just general malaise. But why would some gay movie make Rachel Berry a crying mess? She guessed it was probably something to do with her dads. Maybe there were problems at home. Quinn could relate to that. When her parents used to fight even cat food commercials could make her cry. She reached out and put her hand round the girl's shoulders. They'd never even shared a friendly hug but somehow it felt like the right thing to do. She led Rachel to the sinks, got a tissue out of her bag and dabbed at the girl's running mascara.

Rachel, in all her sadness, suddenly felt alive. She felt every inch of Quinn's arm around her every ounce of pressure the blonde's long fingers were placing on her arm. She blindly let Quinn lead her to the sinks, not even looking where she was going. Quinn could lead her anywhere. Then she got close to fix her eye make-up and Rachel was pretty certain she stopped breathing. Close-up Quinn was even more perfect than she'd imagined. She tried not to stare into the blonde's eyes for fear of turning red so instead she concentrated on her mouth. This wasn't the best plan as tracing the contours of the girl's lips, even just with her eyes, had her absent-mindedly licking her own. She looked to the floor and soon Quinn was done and stood back from her.

"There, you look a little better now."

"Thanks," Rachel said without looking up.

"Are you gonna be ok? The girls are waiting for me outside, I can't be much longer."

"I'll be fine. You should go." Quinn started to leave. "And Quinn, I'm sorry, I didn't…"

"I'm sorry too. Meet after school Monday?"

Rachel just nodded, still somewhere between distraught and more alive than she'd felt in her life.

Quinn walked out of the bathroom and went to find the girls in the foyer. She wasn't sure what had just happened but at least her and Rachel were back on speaking terms again. It felt good to be the one to make Rachel feel better for once.

"You took your time Q, what were doing in there?"

"Sorry, San, there was a line."


	5. Chapter 5

Over the next week Rachel and Quinn grew closer and closer. What started as having lunch together became heading to Rachel's after school and soon it was Thursday and after their fourth consecutive evening spent together they were making plans for what to do over the weekend. Their glee assignment was due next Monday, and while at first it had been a good excuse for why they were suddenly inseparable, both were aware there was more to it than that. Rachel knew exactly what was going on, she was falling head over heels for Quinn Fabray and was using any excuse she could to spend more time with her. That Monday at school, after Quinn had caught her at the movie theatre, Rachel hadn't been sure what to expect. Sure they had both apologised and agreed to keep working together, however, she had no idea what was really going on in the blonde's head. But then, as if nothing had ever happened, Quinn had walked up to her at her locker and told her she'd been listening to music all night and might just have the perfect song for them to sing. Quinn had looked at her with a genuine smile as she said it and rested her hand on Rachel's arm as she enthused about how awesome this song was. Rachel hadn't really listened, as always the feel of Quinn's touch made her lose her train of thought. She had tried to maintain eye-contact and listen to what Quinn was telling her but it was almost impossible. And as the week had progressed things had gotten worse. Monday night they went to Rachel's house and Quinn played her the song, she was right, it was perfect. They spent the rest of the evening rehearsing and talking, just comfortable in each other's company. Every now and then Rachel would catch a real smile of happiness on Quinn's face and her heart would leap at the knowledge she had put that smile there. By Thursday their animated conversation had started to include swats on the arm when one of them said something funny and shared looks that Rachel was sure lasted longer than they should. But she was trying her hardest not to read anything into it. Quinn was a friend, by this point maybe even a good friend. She had to assume that the blonde was this tactile with all her friends because to start to imagine anything else was dangerous. The touches might have meant everything to Rachel but Quinn probably didn't even know she was doing it. And Rachel wasn't about to draw attention to it for fear it might stop.

Quinn had enjoyed their week together as much as Rachel. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had this much fun with a friend. The more she got to know Rachel the more she realised how much she liked her. The things that had once seemed annoying were actually a little endearing. She started to admit to herself that maybe the dislike she thought she had felt for the girl was actually jealousy. Rachel was so unafraid to be herself, something Quinn had always done her best to hide. It wasn't proper, or sensible, to be that open and honest. Yet Rachel did it, wearing her heart on her sleeve with pride. Quinn was glad she finally let herself get to know the brunette. When she had gotten home from the movies that night she had gone straight to her room and started listening to music. Something about Rachel's distress made her heart hurt, she wanted to find a song that would tell Rachel it was ok, that would let her know she didn't have to cry alone in a bathroom stall. She still wasn't sure why the girl had been crying but she knew she didn't want it happen again. She found the song almost by chance. She was deleting another stream of chain emails Brittany had sent her when it started playing in her iTunes. It was soft, almost whispered, but the heartfelt sentiment at its centre rang out. 'No Envy, No Fear' was the perfect song. She finally went to bed knowing that the next day she could let Rachel know she cared about her in the only way she could be certain the girl would understand, in the lyrics of a song. Seeing Rachel the next morning she couldn't wait to tell her she'd found the song. She walked up to her at her locker and excitedly grabbed her arm, telling her the search was over. She wasn't normally touchy-feely, but with Rachel she felt like she could let her barriers down, after all she had seen the girl at her lowest the night before. Rachel had never heard the song so they agreed to head to hers after school so Quinn could play it to her.

When Rachel heard the song, no, felt the song, she knew right away it was perfect. The lilting melody, the plea for acceptance and love, it was beautiful. The fact that Quinn found it, that Quinn Fabray of all people would love a song like this. Well, if she'd found out a month ago she would have been truly shocked, but the Quinn Fabray she was starting to know now, somehow this song fit that Quinn Fabray perfectly.

* * *

After that evening they spent the rest of the week rehearsing, Rachel much better at rearranging it into a duet than Quinn was. And as the days wore on Quinn grew even more comfortable in Rachel's presence. She found herself drawn to the girl, emotionally and physically. For some reason she would find excuses to swat at the girl's arm or place her hand on her back. When they walked the halls, without even thinking, she would link their arms. Being close to Rachel just felt normal; after all, that's how good friends behave, right?

By Thursday evening Quinn was pretty sure they had the performance down pat, but knowing Rachel she would want to keep practicing through the weekend and Quinn didn't mind all that much. Sure San had been giving her a hard time about always being busy, but she could go shopping with her ex-Cheerios friends next weekend. This performance was important to Rachel. They were sitting at Rachel's kitchen table finishing up some homework before her dads got home with dinner. Quinn had become a bit of a fixture at Berry dinner time. At first she felt like she was imposing, but all three Berrys had insisted she was being ridiculous. Quinn looked over at Rachel concentrating on a math problem and realised there was still one thing gnawing away at her; they had never addressed what had made Rachel so sad that night at the movies. Clearing her throat she decided now was as good a time as any to ask.

"So Rach?" She had started to use the shortened version of the girl's name the day before and already it didn't seem all that weird.

"uh huh?" Rachel said without looking up.

"What happened last Friday, why were you so upset?"

Rachel kept her eyes on the page, hoping her brain would work fast enough to come up with something plausible.

"I don't know really, I guess I was just feeling sad."

"That looked more than feeling sad, you were a wreck."

"Gee, thanks." Rachel gave her a sarcastic smile, hoping to divert the conversation somehow.

"You know what I mean, you seemed really upset."

"Like I said, it was just a lot of things all at once. I don't even really remember anymore."

"Ok. But you would tell me if there was something making you sad? I'd want to know."

"Really?" Now Rachel looked up, scared to make eye-contact but so desperate to see if Quinn really meant it. To see if maybe there was just a hint of what Rachel was feeling returned in the gaze.

"Really. We're friends now aren't we?"

Rachel's hopes were dashed again as she knew they would be, the word 'friends' reverberating in her ears.

"Yeah. We're friends." She tried not to sound sad.

"Good. Well friends don't let friends go to the movies alone." Quinn smiled, hoping Rachel understood her invitation.

"I like it. It means I get to see what I want."

"You idiot. I was trying to suggest we go see a movie this weekend." Quinn hit Rachel on the arm again.

"Oh. You mean hang out, like, downtown?" So far they'd spent time at school and at Rachel's house, but they'd never hung out in public, where people could see that Quinn Fabray was choosing to spend time with Rachel Berry.

"Yes downtown, that's where the movie theatre is."

"In public?"

"Rachel," Quinn placed her hand on Rachel's wrist and looked into her eyes, "I'm not ashamed to be friends with you."

Rachel smiled.

"Plus it would be nice to have someone to go to the movies with who might actually watch the movie."

Rachel rose an eyebrow and upon seeing it Quinn's hand shot to her mouth.

"Oh god, I wasn't supposed to…pretend I didn't say anything."

"You think I haven't noticed what's going on between those two. A blind man could see the sexual tension between those girls. They are not very subtle."

"But don't let on that I said anything. I mean they haven't even…it's not…_I'm_ not even supposed to know."

"Cross my heart. But seriously, sometimes in glee I feel like telling them to get a room," Quinn looked at the brunette with a shocked expression, "but I know it can be hard to come to terms with something like that. Especially with their social stature. And it's not my place to make them come to any realisations."

"Yeah, I guess with your dads and stuff you must know about these things." Quinn was sure Rachel looked sad for a minute, but then that always seemed to happen when Quinn mentioned her dads.

"Yeah, my dads…it's given me a lot of insight." For a second Rachel considered confessing, considered telling Quinn everything, but she didn't want to jinx their friendship. Quinn was fine with her dads but would she be so willing to walk down the corridors of William McKinley High arm in arm with her if she knew she was gay? Rachel wasn't ready to find out.

"So, Saturday we'll go catch a movie. I'll let you chose."

Rachel smiled and was about to reply with a witty comeback when she heard her dads come home, breaking the moment. Part of her was glad of the distraction.

* * *

Friday morning was Gym for Rachel, a class she hated. She got all the cardio-vascular she needed in her daily exercise regime. She was perfectly healthy, the last thing she needed was some angry pseudo-teacher making her climb a rope or jump a horse. But it was part of her curriculum and Rachel Berry did not skip school. She started to get changed when she heard a familiar voice at the other end of the locker room. Quinn was there. She and Quinn had never had to share a locker room, at least not since before Rachel had found herself unable to take her eyes off the blonde's neck, sometimes moving her gaze down to the hollow of her throat and on to the hint of a valley that could be seen when the blonde wore the right shirt. These were not the thoughts she should be having as Quinn walked toward her.

"Hey, Rach."

"umm, hey. What…why…you don't usually…?"

"Now that I'm not a Cheerio I've been feeling kinda lethargic. Thought I'd use this free period to get in a little exercise."

"Oh, cool." Rachel swallowed hard when she realised Quinn had put her gym bag down opposite her. Quinn was planning to get changed, right there, right next to her. She could hear the blonde continue to talk but all Rachel could do was make vague noises of agreement. She had to turn around, had to stop staring at Quinn's hand on the buttons of her dress. Buttons she was about to undo. Rachel turned quickly to face into the locker in front of her. She exhaled and started to take her sweater off over the top of her head. Quinn had stopped talking and Rachel was glad she didn't have to keep pretending to listen. She put her t-shirt on and started take off her skirt when she realised her gym shorts were in the bag behind her. She was going to have to turn round. Steeling herself she took a deep breath and turned, hoping to keep her eyes on the floor. Her hormones had ideas of their own. Quinn's dress was on the floor around her feet and she was bending down to pick it up. Rachel's eyes raked up the blonde's body, from the toned legs she had seen many a time in Quinn's Cheerios days to the toned stomach and then finally, because of the way Quinn was bending a perfect view of her bra-clad breasts. Rachel had imagined many a time what they might look like but had never thought she'd be so close. She bit her lower lip, unable to do much more than stare. Porcelain white and looking like they would be so soft to touch, they called to Rachel. She suddenly became aware of the flush in her cheeks, the stirring in her stomach and the fact that there were other girls in the locker room. She picked up her shorts and turned around again, certain that the image she had just burned into her brain would return that night when she was alone in her bed. She took off her skirt and bent down to put her shorts on. Finally dressed she waited a moment, hoping Quinn would also be fully dressed, and turned to face her friend. Thankfully Quinn was also finished.

"Well, I should get to Gym. See you at lunch?" Her voice quivered a little.

"Of course, see you later Rach." Rachel was sure she noticed a similar quiver when the blonde spoke.

Quinn was feeling restless. She couldn't remember the last time she'd run 'til her lungs felt ragged. Some people hated it, but she loved the feeling of pushing her body to its limits, the power of mind over matter. She needed to go for a run. Heading into the locker room she spotted Rachel, she'd forgotten the girl had Gym first thing on a Friday. When she said Hi Rachel seemed off but it was probably just because she resented having to take Gym. Quinn had been witness to the Gym rant just a few days previously and had tried not to laugh throughout. She started to unbutton her dress, talking to Rachel about some stupid thing her mother had said to her when she had got back from Rachel's house the night before. Then Rachel took her shirt off and for some reason Quinn's train of thought stopped completely. Underneath the horrible sweaters Rachel had a nice body. She traced the contours of the girl's back with her eyes, stopping where the small of it hit the waistband of her skirt. Quinn had no idea why she was so mesmerised. She'd been a Cheerio for years and had seen many a hot girl undress, hell she'd seen Britt undress next to her a million times and that girl was undoubtedly hot, but this was different. She wasn't seeing Rachel Berry undress, she was watching. Her breathing hitched a little as her mind raced, confused about what she was feeling. She continued taking off her dress and bent down to pick it up off the floor, hoping it might also help alleviate the light-headedness she was suddenly experiencing. When she stood back up Rachel was still turned away from her but now she was bent over taking her skirt off. Rachel had a nice ass. Why was she so suddenly aware of Rachel's pert, perfectly rounded ass? Why did she really want to take it in her hands and push herself flush against the brunette, feeling the contours of Rachel's body against her own? She quickly turned to face her locker and put on her running clothes, trying to normalise her breathing. She turned back to find Rachel finally fully clothed. As Rachel suggested they meet for lunch Quinn was terrified her voice would betray the thoughts that were suddenly flooding her mind. She needed to go for a run, now.

As her feet pounded against the track, muscle memory keeping her body moving, Quinn Fabray's mind was a mess. She had been checking out Rachel Berry. Not admiring her, not jealously wishing she were more like her, but checking her out. The sight of Rachel's lightly tanned skin had given her a feeling that, while she had not felt often, she was all too familiar with. She was sexually attracted to Rachel Berry. It made no sense. The more she thought the harder she ran, concentrating on the ache she was causing in her muscles rather than the confusion in her head, and god forbid it, her heart. How was this even possible? Quinn did not like girls. She cast her mind back over images of all the boys she'd been attracted to, how the sight of Puck's toned muscles had definitely done something for her even if their night together had been a colossal mistake in more ways than she wanted to think about right now. She looked over at some of the guys from the track team who were doing stretches in the centre of the track. They were cute and she knew she wasn't just trying to convince herself. So then what was that in the locker room? Was she like Santana? What was it the Latina called herself, 'pansexual'? Quinn just always thought it was nice way of saying slutty. Or just another excuse for whatever was going on with her Brittany. Was Quinn making excuses? It just seemed so sudden, like one minute she had a new friend that she wanted to spend _a lot_ of time with and the next minute the thought of pressing her lips against the nape of the girl's neck was overwhelming. This was insane. It had to be a momentary thing, a chemical imbalance, nothing more. She could not be attracted to Rachel Berry. Except she had been. She kept running, the same two thoughts repeating over and over in her head. Then she remembered she'd agreed to meet Rachel for lunch and suddenly she was terrified. What if it happened again? What if she was unable to take her eyes off the girl? What if Rachel noticed? Oh God. Part of her wanted to bail, but she knew how much that would hurt the brunette, Quinn wasn't going to be another person to stand her up. Plus maybe it would be ok. Maybe she'd see Rachel and feel nothing at all and then her theory that it was just some weird anomaly would be confirmed. Yes. She would see Rachel and she would feel nothing and lunch would be fun. That's exactly what was going to happen.

Rachel spent most of Gym terrified that Quinn had caught her staring. Her body had felt so hot at the sight of the blonde Rachel was certain she must have turned a shade or two shy of stop sign red. How would she react if Quinn confronted her about it? Would she have to come clean and maybe scare off her friend for good? That was the last thing she wanted. But she also didn't want to lie to her. This friendship mattered to her and she didn't want it to be based on half-truths. If Quinn asked her she would tell the truth, or at least enough of it to ease her conscience and not scare Quinn off. Now wasn't the time to admit her crush but she was ready to let Quinn in more, tell her the secret that was now weighing heavier on her shoulders than ever before. And as she went through the motions of Gym class it dawned on her why the secret of her sexuality was becoming increasingly burdensome. She wasn't falling for Quinn Fabray, it was too late for that; she was in love with her. The transition had been slow, so gradual Rachel hadn't even realised it had happened until she looked upon the girl's form and felt the love that was laced through her lust. She didn't just want Quinn she needed her. She needed to feel the girl beneath her, feel part of her, so close they were inseparable. She needed to give herself to the girl but then, more than that, in the moments after, she needed to hold her and fall asleep in the blonde's arms, curled in the warmth of her body. That she now knew she loved Quinn made it even more important that she keep hold of some of her secrets. She couldn't bear the thought of losing Quinn now. But she also couldn't keep so much of herself from her friend. So it was time to tell Quinn the truth about her. Lunch was going to be scary.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N So I want to thank everyone who's reading and double thank anyone who's commented, it's great to know people are enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it. I haven't written any fic in a long time but these two just called to me. So thanks. **

Quinn stood outside the door to the cafeteria. She could see Rachel already in there sitting at a table, worrying at the gold 'R' that hung around her neck. Quinn bit at her lower lip pushing down the images from earlier in the day. It was just Rachel, her _friend_ Rachel. The same Rachel who drove her nuts with quotes from musicals she had never seen, who wore the most ugly of sweaters, who planned her days to the minute and had to keep to schedule. The same Rachel who was tucking her hair behind her ear and in doing so forcing Quinn to bite even harder on her lip. How could so much have changed so quickly? Quinn closed her eyes for a moment and pushed herself forward into the room.

Rachel had arrived early, her head already busy with thoughts of how she was going to go through with her plan. She thought the public arena was best because then there couldn't be a scene. She worried Quinn would be hurt, see Rachel's non-disclosure as some form of betrayal. If Quinn was going to feel like she'd been lied to then at least if they were in the middle of the cafeteria she was unlikely to start shouting. Rachel tried to catch her breath as it dawned on her what she was about to do. She couldn't help a small sliver of hope slip into her heart. Perhaps Quinn would accept her with open arms and tell her it didn't matter one little bit. Perhaps she would even look at Rachel and in hearing the secret revealed realise that such feelings lay dormant in her as well. Rachel knew that was a fantasy, a crazy dream that would never come true. But Rachel had always been a dreamer. She looked up and saw Quinn walking towards her, suddenly she started to tremble.

"Hey Rach."

"Hi. How was your morning?" Rachel didn't want to dive straight in with the deep stuff; she needed a moment to collect herself. Seeing Quinn again had brought back the images from earlier and her trembling had progressed to sweaty palms and a dry mouth.

"Fine. I had a really good run." Perhaps good wasn't the right word, Quinn wasn't sure there was a right word. "Did you make it through Gym?"

"Yes, thanks." Rachel smiled at the knowledge that Quinn had remembered her hatred for Gym.

Quinn got her lunch out of her bag. On Friday's she always brought a bagged lunch as it was mystery meat day in the school cafeteria and it was a mystery she never wanted to solve. She grabbed an apple out of the brown paper bag and took a bite.

"You gonna eat Rach?" Quinn motioned at Rachel's lunch untouched in front of her.

"Oh, yeah…of course." She started to pick at the salad she'd brought with her, moving a cherry tomato around with her fork. Looking down, she steadied herself, swallowed hard and started to speak, her voice not much more than a whisper. "So Quinn…um…I need to…"

There was a loud crash from the other side of the cafeteria as Jacob ben Israel tripped over his own feet and fell face first into his lunch tray. The room erupted in laughter; especially Santana who it seemed had been the cause of Jacob not looking where he was going.

"Perv!" The Latina called to him.

Only Quinn and Rachel weren't laughing, both too engrossed in their own internal monologue to really pay attention.

"You OK, you seem really quiet?" Quinn didn't really want to ask, afraid that the girl was going to start talking about something from this morning; casually let Quinn know that she'd seen the blonde perving on her. At the very thought Quinn started to blush.

Luckily Rachel was so wrapped up in her own thoughts she didn't notice. Suddenly the cafeteria seemed _really_ public, like everyone was listening to their conversation. How could she have thought pouring out her most intimate secret _here_ had been a good idea? Sure Quinn would have to temper her reaction but what if someone overheard? She was such an idiot.

"I'm fine…just a little tired I think."

"You were saying something, you need something?" Quinn looked at her questioningly unbeknownst to Rachel praying that the brunette couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"Oh…just that I need to do some homework this weekend so could we meet a little later in the afternoon for the movie." It was a lie, but she really wasn't ready for truth just yet.

"Sure, no problem." Quinn exhaled, she hoped not audibly. Everything was fine. Rachel would have said something right away if there was anything that needed saying; she was not one to hold back. Glad that the thoughts she feared were written all over her face were still safely hidden in her heart Quinn relaxed.

"So, have you decided what we're going to see tomorrow?"

Rachel relaxed too. Deciding she could find a better time and place to unburden her soul, the fear that had been constricting her lungs subsided and she was finally breathing normally again.

"How do you feel about old movies?"

"I don't know. I haven't watched many."

"What? You mean your secret semi-hipster tendencies have not extended to the realm of cinema?" Rachel asked in a faux mocking tone. Quinn smiled at Rachel's verbose turn of phrase.

"No, not yet. Perhaps you can teach me?"

"I'm sure there are lots of things I can teach you." Rachel raised an eyebrow

"Oh yeah?" Quinn knew she was flirting, with a girl, but for some reason she didn't want to stop.

"Yeah. There are lots of things I know about, Quinn Fabray. Things you can only imagine." Rachel felt it too, the slight change in their tone. They had joked before, but this was something else, there was something new beneath it.

They looked at each other for a moment, neither wanting to cross the fine line they were currently walking. Rachel was first to break the silence, clearing her throat and starting to pack up the remnants of her lunch. She knew what was going on even if she believed Quinn was unaware and she had to be the one to take control because she was certain she was the one who was going to get hurt when the joking crossed the line.

"So you'll come pick me up tomorrow at 3, is that ok?" Rachel asked.

"That works for me. See you tomorrow Rach."

And with that Rachel walked out the room, her secret still intact.

* * *

Quinn drove to Rachel's and in the process put everything from the day before in the back of her mind. She was going to the movies with her friend and she was going to have fun. Anything else could be dealt with some other time. She pulled up to the house and was about to get out of the car when Rachel walked out of her front door. She was wearing a button-down white blouse and a blue skirt that came halfway to her knees, white socks pulled up over her calves. Despite herself Quinn smiled at the sight. For a girl who was so controlling in so many ways her choice of clothes was always so, well, free. The blouse was open just a little lower than Quinn was expecting and as Rachel got in the car she couldn't help but sneak a peek, catching a glimpse of the lacy bra beneath. What the hell was wrong with her?

"So where am I taking us?"

"Not the main theatre downtown, the one on Robertson."

"Your wish is my command." Quinn shot Rachel a smile and Rachel beamed back.

Choosing an outfit had taken the best part of an hour. Too dressed up and Quinn would have suspected something. Too dressed down and it might send the message that spending the afternoon with Quinn didn't mean anything to her. She finally found the right blouse and skirt and looked in the mirror. She examined her face, wondering if Quinn could see the change in her. Wondered if her eyes betrayed the love that was blooming behind them. Did she have a tell? She looked at the clock; Quinn would be there any minute. She looked over herself once more, unbuttoned one extra button on her blouse and went to wait by the door for the sound of Quinn's car.

They parked in the lot of the small movie theatre and headed inside. Quinn had never been there before but she wished she had. The place looked like it hadn't changed since the 60s. The ushers still wore bow-ties and there were pictures of hotdogs with faces behind the concession stand. Rachel headed to the box office to get their tickets while Quinn was tasked with getting snacks. She decided Rachel would be a Jujubes kinda girl and got herself some popcorn. They could always share. She watched Rachel from the other side of the foyer, still trying to tell herself this was just two friends hanging at the movies no matter how crazy the butterflies in her stomach were going. Rachel wandered back over, a slight skip in her step. When she reached Quinn she linked their arms and walked them toward the auditorium.

"So what are we seeing, you still haven't told me."

"Roman Holiday. It's one of my all-time favourites. Audrey Hepburn is just…" Rachel stopped herself before she accidently admitted her longstanding attraction to the screen legend

"I've only seen Breakfast at Tiffany's, but she was good in that."

"Then you'll love this one."

They chose some seats near the back and sat down.

"I got you Jujubes, is that ok?"

Rachel grinned widely and grabbed them out of Quinn's hand.

"How the hell did you know? I love Jujubes."

"It was just a guess, "Quinn replied shyly.

"You know me too well." Rachel squeezed Quinn's hand by way of thanks and as the lights dimmed she didn't let go.

Quinn swallowed, feeling Rachel's hand on top of her own. She wanted to move it, to take her hand back to safety, to a place where a girl wasn't almost, kind of, sort of holding her hand. But she couldn't, no force in the world was moving that hand. She looked up and tried to concentrate on the start of the film but it was like no other part of her body existed apart from her right hand. Every nerve ending was alive and she was sure if she looked at it it would be glowing or something. She kept staring at the screen and eventually she started to get into the plot, but then Rachel shifted slightly, moving her hand just a little and the fire was back. She turned to look at the girl who was engrossed in the movie. In the half-light of the flickering screen she was beautiful. She was beautiful all the time, but illuminated in this way she had Quinn mesmerised. This was all kinds of wrong. Her head was telling her to get up and go to the bathroom, splash some water on her face and stop being crazy. Her heart was telling her to turn her hand over and link her fingers with Rachel's, give in to whatever this was. Her palms were sweating and she was almost certain Rachel would freak but Quinn knew she had no choice but to follow her heart. She turned her hand over.

Rachel couldn't believe Quinn had guessed her favourite movie snack. The feeling that someone actually knew her well enough and cared enough to guess right was overwhelming and she squeezed Quinn's hand without thinking. And with that touch she didn't want to let go. The lights were dimming and she hoped the in the darkness the touch of their hands was somehow excusable. If it couldn't really be seen then it wasn't really happening. She waited for Quinn to take her hand back, to return them to the realm of friends hanging out, but she didn't. She left her hand there and Rachel Berry realised she was in a movie theatre, watching one of her favourite movies, her hand resting on that of the girl she was in love with. Even if the feeling wasn't returned she didn't want to lose the moment. For the first 20 minutes she barely watched the movie, just gazed in front of her and tried to etch this feeling as deep into her memory as possible. But then it just started to feel natural, like touching this way was completely normal for them. She didn't notice Quinn staring at her. Then she felt Quinn's hand move and she knew what was coming, readied herself for the cold of having the girl's hand move away from hers. But it didn't happen; instead Quinn turned her hand over and laced her fingers through Rachel's. Not wanting to break the spell the movie had cast over them she didn't look at Quinn, she just moved her fingers in reply, taking the girls hand in her own and settling to watch the rest of the movie. Her heart beating a million times a second.

The movie was drawing to a close and Quinn knew they were going to have to stop holding hands but she had no idea how. She didn't want make a big thing out of it, draw attention to what had been so natural. Luckily, as always, Rachel was the one fix the problem. As the last scene faded Rachel simply took her hand back and grabbed her coat, as if she always held hands with her friends while watching a movie. She turned to Quinn.

"So did you like it?"

Quinn sat silent for a little too long, not sure exactly what 'it' she was meant to be referring to.

"The movie I mean, did you like it?" Rachel asked again, this time a little hurriedly.

"Yeah, it was really good. Thanks Rach." This time she looked at the girl and smiled, hoping to cover up any awkwardness.

"Thank _you_. Um…for the Jujubes."

"Any time."

They grabbed their coats and headed out the theatre. It was still sunny out.

"Do you wanna go for a walk?" Quinn asked, ducking her head a little.

"I'd love to." Instinctively Rachel linked her arm with Quinn's and they headed down the sidewalk. They didn't talk about much, just what they had enjoyed about the movie, what homework they still had to complete for Monday. They reached a small park and headed to walk around the lake in the middle. At some point their hands had drifted down and their fingers were entwined once more. Quinn was surprised at how well Rachel's hand fit in her own. She was used to being the shorter one when walking hand in hand with someone and she had thought this would have felt uncomfortable. But it was the opposite. The brunette's small hand fit perfectly within her own. It's not like she hadn't held hands with girls before, Brittany was always holding her hand. But there was something different here, something ineffable.

Feeling bolstered by having Quinn's hand in her own and the beauty of their surroundings Rachel was suddenly feeling brave. She knew she couldn't keep holding hands with Quinn in darkened movie theatres without the blonde knowing the truth. She couldn't lie anymore. Not that there had been any actual lying, she and Quinn had never talked about boys. But it still felt like a lie. They were coming up to a bench and Rachel motioned for them to sit, saddened when Quinn took her hand away as she sat down.

"So, Quinn, I think I need to tell you something." She had never been so scared.

"What? Are you ok?" The ashen look on Rachel's face was scaring Quinn.

"Yeah. It's nothing bad, it's, well, I don't know, maybe. You see…"

Quinn took both of Rachel's hands in her own and looked into her eyes.

"Hey, it's ok, just tell me."

"I'm gay, Quinn." Rachel looked down, not wanting to make eye-contact

"Oh." Quinn dropped Rachel's hands, her eyes wide. Her mind was racing. Where had this come from, how had she not seen? She'd just spent hours holding hands with a lesbian. She'd been looking at a lesbian, imagining what it would feel like to kiss a lesbian. The word was like a knife constantly piercing her skin. It was like Rachel wasn't there anymore and instead there was this lesbian, tempting her, drawing her in, confusing her.

"I'm sorry." Rachel didn't know what else to say.

"Sorry for being gay or sorry for lying to me?" Quinn didn't want to be angry but she was scared and anger was an easier place to go to.

"The latter. I'm ok with being gay but I guess I was scared you wouldn't be so I didn't tell you."

"But you…We…We're meant to be friends Rachel."

Quinn hadn't called her Rachel in a while

"I hope we still can be. I'm still the same person."

"But you aren't. You lied." The anger in Quinn's voice was becoming a quiver and she could feel the tears starting.

"I was afraid." Rachel's voice was almost a whisper. She looked up, tears starting to roll down her face. Quinn couldn't look at her because she knew what seeing Rachel like that did to her. She turned away.

"I trusted you. I…I…"

"I didn't mean to betray you."

"You tricked me is what you did Rachel."

"No! I never wanted to…I just wanted to be your friend."

"Is that what this is Rachel, a friendship?"

"Stop saying my name like that!" Quinn was standing by this point turned away from Rachel who was almost curled in a ball on the bench.

"Because friends don't do this." Quinn gestured between them not even sure herself what she meant by 'this'.

"What about Santana and Brittany? They lie to you all the time."

"But I don't…"

"You don't what?"

Quinn stopped herself from telling Rachel the truth. That Brittany and Santana hadn't made her start to question herself. They hadn't made her want to do things she'd never imagined wanting.

"I don't trust them like a trust you. Trusted you." The past tense hit Rachel like a truck. She couldn't stop the sobs now. She should have seen this coming. Should have known this was how Quinn would react. Why did she have to ruin everything? She stood up, wiping her tear stained cheeks on the back of her sleeve.

"I'm sorry Quinn." She turned to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Don't be stupid, I'll drive you."

"It's ok. I'll get the bus or something." Rachel looked so dejected, like the life had just drained out of her. Quinn wanted to reach out and hold her but she was terrified of what it might mean.

"Rachel…"

"It's fine Quinn. See you round." With that Rachel walked away. Now it was Quinn's turn to sob and she really wasn't sure exactly what she was sobbing about.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N most of this was fleshed about before 2.15 so Santana and Brittany and their relationship is going to be a little AU. And again, thanks for the reviews.**

Quinn sat there for a while waiting for the tears to subside. Once she felt a little calmer she went and found her car. She couldn't go home though. She needed to think this through, understand why her reaction to Rachel's news had been so strong and the oppressive air in her home was not the place to do that. She looked out the window as dusk started to settle in. Why had she gotten so angry? She should have just been supportive; it must have taken a lot for Rachel to tell her.

"Dammit, still the HBIC as ever," She said to herself, hitting the steering wheel with her fist. Deep down she knew why she was so angry. She hadn't had such a strong reaction when Kurt came out, in fact she'd been kind of proud that he was so willing to be himself no matter the consequence. She didn't care if he liked boys, she just didn't like seeing him get hurt. But Kurt being gay didn't affect her. Somehow Rachel's revelation felt like a revelation about her as well. If Rachel was…if she was gay then maybe whatever was going on in her head wasn't some one-sided anomaly that would soon pass. Maybe she'd been feeling something mutual, something going on between them not just some crazy thing going on in her own head. And that was a terrifying thought. But she shouldn't have gotten angry at Rachel, it wasn't fair. The conversation should have been about how the brunette was feeling, not about Quinn's blinding fear that her heart was doing something she had no control over. She needed to talk to someone. Recently it would have been Rachel she'd have turned to. She decided to go for the next best thing, someone who just might be able to help her make sense of things. She backed up the car and drove an all too familiar route.

* * *

She arrived at Santana's house just as the sun was going down. Knocking on the door she hoped her friend was in. Santana opened the door, a little surprised to see Quinn.

"I thought you couldn't hang this weekend?"

"I couldn't, but something's happened. Can we talk?"

"Sure, Q, come in." Santana motioned her in and they went up to San's room and sat on her bed next to each other. She'd been in this room so many times in her life and for the first time ever she felt scared. This had been the room where she'd told her friends about her first kiss. The place they ran to when they found out that got on the Cheerios squad. While the décor had changed a lot over the years the room always felt familiar and comfortable to Quinn. However sacred she was she knew she was safe here. She turned to Santana, took a deep breath and started to talk.

"There's someone I like" Quinn said it quickly afraid that otherwise she wouldn't say it at all.

"What, Quinn Fabray, ice queen has her eye on someone? Who's the lucky guy?"

"It's not a guy." She looked at Santana, trying to judge the girl's reaction.

"Now I see what's got you in such a state." San smiled and Quinn was relieved.

"How do you do it?"

"You want diagrams?" San wiggled her eyebrows

"No! Liking a girl, how do you do it?" Quinn was blushing, trust Santana to make this about sex.

"Why are you asking me?"

"Come on San, I know about you and Britt, your relationship?"

"Me and Britt don't…" San backed away a little, shaking her head

"Come on San, not now." Santana saw the pleading look on Quinn's face and relented.

"Fine. Me and Britt have got something, but it's not a relationship, I don't do relationships."

"So you're…?"

"I'm Bi." Santana shrugged her shoulders. She wasn't ashamed of who she was.

"So I know you've kind of said before but, you've, you've been…with other girls?"

"I've hooked up a couple times before me and Britt started whatever me and Britt have. Sometimes I like a firm body, sometimes I like me some curves."

"Have you ever…?" Quinn bit her lip and looked down at her lap.

"Checked you out? Sure. You got a nice bod Q."

Quinn blushed

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna jump your bones or anything."

"I didn't think…" Quinn shook her head vehemently.

"Good. Cos we're friends. You don't make me feel that heat that some girls do." Santana's voice turned suggestive again and Quinn was desperate to get away from the sex talk.

"God, you make it sound so easy." Quinn sighed, her shoulders dropping.

"It is easy Q. This isn't the 1950s. You love who you love."

"So you love her?"

"I didn't say that…"

Quinn gave her a look.

"Fine. I love her alright."

"So if you love her then why aren't you together?"

"Now who's making it sound easy? It's not like that. Britt has Artie and I, well, I'd be no good for her, not really. I'm a love 'em and leave 'em kinda gal."

"Really?"

"Really. So is it just this one girl or are you a full on lez now?"

"Urgh, don't use that word." Quinn looked like she might throw up.

"Sorry, I call a spade a spade."

"I'm just, I'm not ready for that. And yes, it's just her. There's something about her, she's not like anyone else. I still like guys." Quinn was sure she overemphasised the last part.

"That's cool. No one says this has to change your whole life. You just like _a_ girl. Now who is this chica that's got you all in a mess?"

"You can't laugh."

"Fine. No laughing. Spill."

"Rachel."

"Berry?" Santana looked surprised.

"Yes, Berry."

"So my girl's a trollsexual."

"Don't call her that." Quinn elbowed Santana in the ribs.

"Fine. So it's Berry. I guess she could be kinda cute, if she didn't dress like a 5 year old."

"I like how she looks."

"Oh I know you do." The suggestive tone was back.

"Stop it San this is serious. It's not a sex thing."

"It's always a sex thing." San was serious this time.

"Maybe for you."

"For everyone. If she wasn't making you all hot under the collar this wouldn't be a problem."

Quinn had to admit Santana was right. This had all started when she saw Rachel changing in the locker room that day. Or had it?

"Maybe. Maybe it started before I even noticed her like that, I don't know."

"But you have noticed?"

"Yes, San, I've noticed." Quinn's voice was resigned.

"And she gets your engine revving, huh?"

"San!"

"What? There's no shame. You wanna take a ride on the Berry train."

They both laughed at Santana's almost rhyme and the tension Quinn had been feeling lifted a little. It was good to laugh with her friend, to know that she could let all this out and they would still be ok. Santana could be a bitch but she could also be a great friend. She rested her head on San's shoulder. After a moment Quinn spoke again.

"There's more to it."

"You two haven't…?"

"No San. We've only held hands…"

"That's where it always starts," Santana interrupted.

Quinn sat up again and looked right at her friend.

"If I tell you something you have to promise it's a secret and you won't tell anyone and you won't use it as ammunition." San could tell Quinn was serious.

"OK. Girl Scout's Honour."

"You were never a Girl Scout. Swear on Brittany's life."

"Wow, this must be serious. Fine, I swear on Brittany's life, now what is it?"

"Rachel told me she's gay."

"Oh. Now I get it. This isn't just about you liking Rachel; this is about you worrying that Rachel likes you back."

Quinn winced a little at hearing the thoughts that had been running round her head said out loud. She just nodded.

"Listen, Q, maybe she likes you or maybe she just wanted you to know more about her. Not every lez is gonna fall head over heels for your blonde ass you know. But if you think there's something there and you think maybe Berry was trying to tell you that, then why not give it a shot?"

"Because she's a girl."

"Puck's an ass but that didn't stop you."

Quinn shot daggers at her friend. That was a low blow. They were silent for a few minutes, Quinn trying to work out which of the two possibilities Santana had laid out might be the right one.

"You should tell her." Quinn said, staring the Latina in the eyes.

"Huh?"

"Britt. You should tell her. I think she feels the same."

"Doesn't matter what she feels, Q, I'd only break her heart."

"Maybe. But maybe it's worth it."

Santana put her arm around the blonde and pulled her close.

"You gonna take your own advice, Q?"

Quinn just buried her head on her friend's shoulder and closed her eyes. God knows what she was going to do.

* * *

Across town Rachel had walked to the only place she felt she could go and she hoped to hell Finn wasn't home. After ringing the doorbell she almost killed Kurt with the hug she gave him when he answered the door.

"I'm so glad it's you."

"Well thank you." Kurt replied as he straightened his hair, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Oh Kurt." Then he saw the still wet tracks of tears on her face and realised it was going to be a long evening.

Between the sobs Kurt had been able to gather the basics of what had gone on between Quinn and Rachel. He wanted to tell her it would be OK but he knew it wasn't going to be that simple. They were sitting on the edge of his bed, Rachel crying into his chest, probably ruining his new Dior shirt. He rubbed her shoulder gently and waited for the crying to subside. Eventual the weeping turned to the occasional sniffle and Kurt pulled back trying to look Rachel in the eyes.

"Oh sweetheart. I wish I could fix this."

"Me too. I wish I could just take it all back. Things were going so well. I just, I couldn't keep it in anymore and the way she'd been looking at me, well…"

"Well what?" He spoke softly and calmly, not wanting to set the girl off again.

"Well I thought maybe it wasn't just me. She was holding my hand Kurt!"

"Girls hold hands don't they?"

"I don't. We didn't. Not 'til recently. And it wasn't just walking down the street, swinging your arms hand-holding, I know it wasn't."

"Maybe it's just that you wanted it to be more than that."

"I know I've done that before, I've read too much into things, but I felt this I know I did. I shouldn't have pushed it, I should have waited. Now I've scared her off."

"I'm sure that's not true." He wasn't sure at all but he knew Rachel needed to hear that.

"Yes I have. She's Quinn Fabray, president of the Celebacy Club, good Christian girl, Quinn Fabray. How did I think she was going to handle me being gay?"

"She's also got pregnant at 16, glee club loving Quinn Fabray. If all you've told me about her is true then it doesn't sound like you being gay would make her stop being friends with you. Plus she never had a problem with me."

"But if maybe she does like me then me being gay would be a problem. I'm pretty sure even new Quinn can't handle liking a girl. If I'd just left it a little longer…oh I don't know. I'm being a fool, it would never have happened. I just, I started to hope." The tears were coming back again.

"Hey. Don't ever stop hoping. You deserve to find love and you deserve to be loved by someone who's worthy of you. If coming out to Quinn has scared her off then she's not the girl for you." He wiped away some of the tears from her eyes.

"But she is, that's the problem."

"Oh, Rachel." He pulled her into a hug as the weeping began again. It really was all he could do. "Then wait. If you really love her and you think she might have feelings for you too, then wait for her."

"But she got so angry. She got so angry she wouldn't even look at me, I disgusted her. How can I still be around her when I know I make her feel like that, and when she makes me feel…worthless?"

"It was probably just shock. I don't think she was expecting it." He could see Rachel's sadness turning to anger.

Rachel was angry, angry that she'd let herself be so vulnerable, angry that the girl she'd come to trust could be so heartless, angry at the world.

"She should at least have listened to me. Let me explain. We're meant to be friends. This wasn't all about her." Kurt saw a glimmer of the other side of Rachel; the determined side that did what needed doing no matter what. The one that could be ruthless in getting what she wanted and never backed down. "If she wants to have a problem with who I am then fine, I'm not going to wait for her to realise she's being an idiot."

Rachel stopped crying and stood up. Anger was so much easier than sadness. Quinn was a cruel and heartless bitch, just like she'd always been and there was no need for Rachel to keep trying to see the good in her. If she could just keep this anger going then maybe it would push out the love and she would stop having to feel like her world was falling apart.

* * *

Sunday was the one day that hadn't changed much in the Fabray house. Even after her dad left and her mom took up drinking as a way to fill the void Sunday still revolved around going to church. By 9am Quinn was dressed in her Sunday best and waiting in the kitchen for her mom to finish getting ready. There was something comforting about the ritual even if having to help her mom keep up appearances could be tiring. The first few weeks they had gone to church without her dad had been a mixture of sad and embarrassing. The looks people had given the Fabray women were so pitying that Quinn had wanted to punch some of them, but that really would have made things worse. Instead they had sat in a middle pew and looked straight ahead at the pastor, Quinn holding Judy's hand in support. She knew how much it mattered to her to hold her head high no matter what. And in those hours at church Quinn had even missed her dad. Sure he'd disowned her, kicked her out, told her she was nothing to him, but he was still her dad. His approval had always meant the world to her and having it taken away had near killed her but it had also shown her the petty narcissistic side of her father. His image had mattered to him more than his daughter. She wondered what he'd think if he knew the thoughts she'd been having recently. Quinn was pulled out of her contemplation by the sound of her mom coming down the stairs.

"You ready to go Quinnie?"

"Sure mom."

They got to the church and took their normal pew, bibles resting on their laps. The sermon started, something about respecting the elderly, Quinn wasn't really listening. She looked around the church, at the walls adorned with images of Jesus and wondered how God might feel about her current situation. She still believed in God, liked the thought that there was someone out there looking out for her, but everything she was told had always been so contradictory. Her dad had told her God needed them to always be their best, to be good and righteous or he would punish you. But at the same time she was always told God was loving and forgiving. She'd prayed for his forgiveness of her past transgressions and if he could forgive those then surely her current sinful thoughts could be overlooked. Maybe they were worse, these 'unnatural' thoughts she'd been having. Maybe they couldn't be forgiven. She looked up at the large wooden cross above the pastor's head and wondered what the congregation would think of Quinn Fabray having lustful thoughts about another girl. Perhaps it would be ok as long as she never acted on them. Thoughts weren't as bad as deeds. But then could love ever really be wrong? Not that this was love, this was just lust.

She wasn't sure she knew what was good and righteous anymore. Expect maybe Rachel, she might be the only good person Quinn had ever known, her heart so willing to love and forgive. And she wasn't even Christian. As they had for the 12 hours her thoughts turned to Rachel. She knew she shouldn't have reacted that way. And maybe San was right, maybe Rachel just trusted her enough to be open with her and all Quinn could do was push her away. All Rachel had done was be honest with her. She knew she had to fix it, had to find a way to apologise and hope that Rachel would be her usual forgiving self. She knew she was expecting a lot, she'd rejected Rachel at her most vulnerable; it was going to take a lot of grovelling and promising to get the girl to trust her again, if she ever did. Quinn knew that even if Rachel could forgive her rebuilding anything even resembling the friendship they'd only just forged would be tough, why should Rachel trust her anymore? Even if there had been something more than friendship growing between them, which Quinn was now starting to doubt, that was definitely off the cards now. Making things right with Rachel and the feelings Quinn seemed to be having for her were now two separate issues. The feelings were her problem to deal with and they could wait, they had nothing to do with her first priority which was mending her friendship. And their performance tomorrow was the best place to do it.

* * *

Rachel went to bed still angry, though if pressed she wasn't sure if she was more angry at Quinn or herself. For the first time in her life she was not looking forward to a performance. The idea of standing there with Quinn singing a song about love and acceptance made her blood boil. She hoped Quinn would bail rather stand next to her and sing her hypocrisy for the world to hear.


	8. Chapter 8

Monday hit Quinn like a blow to the head. She woke from a night of something that didn't even slightly resemble sleep, having spent the last 8 hours twisting and turning beneath her sheets unable to find comfort. She had gone over a million different ways she could try to apologise to Rachel but each one seemed to come up short. She just needed her to see that she meant it, that she regretted everything she said. She worried Rachel would look at her and just see the old Quinn, the Quinn that didn't care if Rachel got hurt, the Quinn that didn't really care if anyone got hurt, even herself. Looking at the clock she realised there was no point lying there anymore. She figured she must have finally fallen asleep some time around 4am but looking at her face in the mirror opposite, even that three hours didn't seem to have done much good. She lifted herself into a sitting position, her body feeling like it was made of lead.

"C'mon Fabray, get yourself together."

She got out of bed and padded into the bathroom. Examining her face close up she could see her eyes were bloodshot and she could swear she'd started to give herself wrinkles. She splashed cold water on her face and went to turn the shower on, hoping some scalding water would reinvigorate her tired body. Standing under the water Quinn finally decided she would just have lay her cards on the table, or at least most of them, and hope Rachel was willing to listen. She prayed that the girl wouldn't see there was more to it, wouldn't look her in the eyes and see the fear that had taken up residence.

By the time she made it downstairs to breakfast she was at least feeling a little human, if not anymore hopeful about the day ahead. Luckily her mom wasn't up yet, she really couldn't face Judy on top of the feeling of dread that was building in her stomach. She decided maybe breakfast was not the best idea and started to get her books ready.

* * *

Rachel had fallen asleep still in a rage, a rage that did not dissipate overnight. Especially as her dreams had featured a rather intimate scene between her and a blonde she was trying not to think about. That was going to be impossible though, it was performance day and Rachel did not miss a chance to perform. That did not mean she was ready to forgive though. She would sing her part and Quinn could do as she pleased. Her morning cardio helped to relieve some of the pent up anger but she was glad she retained some of it. She knew she was going to find it hard to stay mad at Quinn. She feared she would take one look at the blonde and forget the hurtful things she'd said. Rachel knew she was always too quick to let her heart talk for her. For all her planning and scheduling, the minute she felt her heart beat faster it all went out the window. Rachel knew that one look from the blonde could easily break her resolve; even thinking about her was eating away at Rachel's anger. But what Quinn had said couldn't just be forgiven. She'd finally let all her walls down, opened herself up to a girl who had spent years torturing her because she truly believed Quinn had changed, that she could be trusted, and once again Rachel had been let down. She had to be resolute and make sure Quinn understood she wasn't going to be treated like that anymore. Sure she hadn't been completely honest with the girl, but she'd had reasons for that and if Quinn didn't understand that then there was no point trying to keep this crazy friendship going. By the time she was ready to leave for school Rachel was happy that she'd perfected a suitably stony look.

* * *

Neither Quinn nor Rachel was sure whether or not it had been a good thing that they hadn't seen each other all day. It allowed both of them to go over their game plans, to decide how they were going to react once they saw each other at glee, but it also gave them both time to grow more and more nervous. Neither girl was even really thinking about the performance, all their rehearsing gone out the window. All either cared about was how she was going to react when she saw the other girl.

Quinn arrived in the choir room before Rachel and took a seat next to Santana.

"You all right, Q, you look like a hot mess."

"Thanks, San, that's exactly what a girl wants to hear when she's not feeling her best."

"Have you been hanging out with the midget too much, that was a hell of a sentence? Have you spoken to her yet?"

Quinn flinched at the mention of Rachel; even one of Santana's cruel nicknames was enough to make the hair on her neck stand up. She could feel the imminent arrival of the brunette like a sixth sense. She gave Santana a withering look and trained her eyes on the door. Waiting.

"I haven't even seen her today. I think she's avoiding me." Quinn said distractedly.

"Don't let her."

"Again with the deceptively simple advice. I don't have much choice anyway, we have to perform and you know Rachel won't miss that."

Before Santana could reply Rachel walked in with her head held high, breezed past Quinn, and sat at the opposite end of the riser. Quinn tried to catch her eye, even reached out a little, but it was like she didn't exist. Santana gave her a look and Quinn just looked at floor. She knew it was going to be hard but she hated the ease with which Rachel ignored her.

Will arrived and stood by the piano.

"All right guys, are we ready?"

There were some yeses from the back and Quinn could tell some people were really happy with what they'd come up with but all she could do was look over at Rachel and hope to catch the girl's eye. Rachel just stared ahead, hands in her lap, not moving.

When she walked in it took every ounce of strength Rachel had not to look at Quinn and see if she could read the girl's thoughts. She wanted to see if anything had changed, if Quinn was still feeling betrayed. But she knew she mustn't, even if Quinn wanted to apologise it wasn't that simple. Rachel needed to know if she could trust Quinn, that she wouldn't turn on her again. Quinn was going to have to prove that she was worthy of trust, that was if the blonde even wanted to.

Other pairs performed but both girls were so wrapped up in themselves that had someone asked them neither would have been able to tell them what songs had been sung. It seemed it was finally their turn, going last because neither had been willing to volunteer.

"Ok girls; let's see what you've got." Will gestured for them to get up and take their place in front of the piano. Quinn took her place first, turning to face the rest of the club, waiting for Rachel to join her. She looked at Rachel, hoping the girl would see the sorrow in her eyes but Rachel didn't even make eye contact. Rachel stood near Quinn but most definitely not next to her. The void between them spoke volumes to Quinn. She wanted to close it, to move close to Rachel, maybe take her hand, hope that Rachel would feel how sorry she was, that none of it mattered to her, but she couldn't. She noticed the looks from Santana. She couldn't remember the last time the Latina had shown sympathy but the emotion was written all over her face.

"So what are you singing for us guys?"

Rachel didn't seem to want to answer.

"It's a Joshua Radin song, Mr. Schue, called 'No Envy, No Fear'."

"Ok, well when you're ready."

Rachel nodded curtly to the band and the guitar intro started.

Rachel began, looking out at the rest of the club, her voice soft yet still somehow so strong. Quinn didn't know if she was going to make it through this performance.

_Some are reaching, few are there__  
__Want to reign from a hero's chair__  
__Some are scared to fly so high__  
__Well this is how we have to try_

Quinn joined her for the refrain, turning to Rachel, hoping she would look her way but she didn't.

_Have no envy and no fear__  
__Have no envy and no fear_

It was Quinn's turn to sing alone, tentative at first. She stared at Rachel, hoping she would see that these words meant even more than they had before. To show that she understood Rachel's fear, that she was sorry, that she just wanted them to be ok again._  
__Brother brother we all see__  
__You're hiding out so painfully__  
__See yourself come out to play__  
__A lover's rain will wash away_

Rachel joined her again for the refrain and finally looked at her.

_Your envy and your fear__  
__So have no envy and no fear__  
_

Quinn had been dreading Rachel's next part because at that moment it was ringing too true. Rachel sang it to her; the tears starting to brim in her eyes, causing Quinn to feel the tightness in her jaw that she knew meant her own tears were coming.

_When your sister turns to leave__  
__Only when she's most in need__  
__Take away the cause of pain__  
__By showing her we're all the same_

As the verse ended she wanted more than anything to reach out to Rachel, but the void between them was too wide, in so many ways.

They sang the last part of the song together, just looking at each other, Rachel full of hurt and Quinn desperate to find a way to prove herself.

_Have no envy and no fear__  
__Have no envy and no fear_

_Every day we try to find__  
__Search our hearts and our minds__  
__The place we used to call our home__  
__Can't be found when we're alone_

As the final chords rang out everyone in glee stood and clapped. Looking out Quinn could see her and Rachel weren't the only ones on the verge of tears. The applause had distracted her from looking at Rachel and the next thing she knew the brunette had grabbed her bag and was running past her out of the room.

It was all too much; Rachel couldn't stay in that room as they applauded Quinn's hypocrisy. Sure the girl had looked at her with patented Quinn Fabray sad eyes, but that didn't take back what she'd said, how angry she'd been. Singing one song about acceptance did not make the girl accepting. She ran out the room hoping to find somewhere to just be alone, somewhere where she wouldn't have to listen to people tell her how great the performance had been. Because it hadn't been great, it had just been painful, a hollow mockery of the one thing she really did want.

As soon as she saw Rachel run out Quinn extricated herself from the group that were congratulating them and ran out after her but there was no sign of Rachel, for a short girl she sure could run fast. Damn all that morning cardio. She wondered were Rachel might run off to. Her first thought was the girls' bathroom, that was where Rachel went after a she'd gotten slushied or if one of the Cheerios had been particularly cruel. But somehow she knew that wasn't where Rachel had gone. She had to think, where would Rachel go when she needed to be alone? There was only one place Quinn could think of.

* * *

Quinn approached the bleachers by the football field slowly, having spied from some distance the small brunette sitting on top of them, head in hands. She felt like someone from a nature show trying not to scare off an exotic animal. As she got closer Rachel didn't even look up. She sat next to her, not close but close enough that she could maybe reach for Rachel's hand if she'd let her.

"I didn't expect you to find me here." Rachel said, head still buried in her hands.

"Well I guess you didn't think I knew you well enough to know you'd go somewhere I wouldn't think to look for you."

"That doesn't make sense."

"I knew where you'd hide Rachel. I knew you'd need to be somewhere that held no memories for you, somewhere you could just be with your thoughts."

"If you knew all that why did you come find me?" Rachel's voice just sounded sad.

"Because I don't want you to be alone." Quinn spoke quietly but sincerely.

Rachel looked up at Quinn from behind her hair.

"Why did you do it, why did you say those things?"

"I guess you surprised me and in my shock a little of the old Quinn came out." She attempted a half smile hoping Rachel might smile back, if only a little.

"Maybe that's just you. I'm not sure there is a new Quinn."

"Please don't think that Rachel. I'd give anything to take back how I reacted. You trusted me, and I…well I was a jerk."

"I can think of stronger words." Rachel still sounded bitter

"So can I." There was a pause, Quinn not sure of the best way to prove that she really was sorry. "Look, Rach, I care about you and I was horrible and I'm so sorry."

"So then it's all ok, you're sorry and everything's fine?" Rachel was getting angry.

"No. I know I can't just apologise and forget the whole thing. But maybe if I try and explain it better then we can get past this. I don't want us to stop being friends." Quinn looked deep into Rachel's eyes and saw a little of the anger fade.

Rachel didn't want to let go of her rage, but with Quinn next to her begging to maintain a friendship that Rachel was equally desperate for, she couldn't hold on to it all.

"Fine. Explain."

"We'd been having such a great afternoon and I'd really enjoyed that movie even if I didn't think I would." Quinn was sure she saw just a sliver of a smirk from Rachel. "And then we went for that walk and I felt so close to you, like finally I had a friend who I didn't have to put on a front for. I felt like you knew me and I knew you. And I was amazed because I'd always thought I did know you, but you are so full of surprises Rach." She flinched a little, uncomfortable with her word choice. "And then you told me that you were, that you were…"

"Gay. It's not that hard a word to say Quinn."

"I know. I just…the way I've been brought up, the things I've been told to believe, there's still so much I have to start making my own opinions about."

"And deciding whether to be a bigot or not is one of them."

"Rachel! No. Not for a second. I don't care. I really don't. It was just there, in that moment, I felt like we were so close and then suddenly it was like I didn't know you at all. Like it had all been some cruel joke."

"To get you to hold a lesbian's hand?" Quinn flinched a little, not sure if she was ready to broach that part of the subject. "Did it disgust you that much?"

"You don't disgust me Rachel." She reached out and took the brunette's right hand, enclosing it in both of hers. "This doesn't disgust me." Rachel finally looked at her square on, tears starting to fall. The sight of it made Quinn start to cry. "I reacted out of instinct, bad, long drummed into me instinct. I should have thought. I should have realised what I was saying and stopped. I hate that I hurt you. I just want more than anything else for you to forgive me."

"I want to forgive you, I do, but it still hurts. I thought I could trust you, thought you cared about me…"

"I do. I care so much. God Rach I just want you to be happy and I don't care what gender the person is that brings you that happiness. Please believe me." She brought their foreheads together, keeping their hands clasped between them. "please."

They sat like that for a while, crying softly.

"I'll try Quinn."

It was so quiet Quinn wasn't even certain she'd heard it. She looked up, taking back one of her hands to wipe some of the tears from her cheeks.

"Thank you. I promise I'll never hurt you again."

"You'd better not." They sat for a while longer, still holding hands. Quinn finally feeling some of the weight lifting from her shoulders. It would be a while before Rachel truly trusted her again but at least she was willing to try. And sitting there holding her hand, even knowing everything Quinn did, wasn't nearly as scary as she'd feared it would be.

Rachel wasn't sure if she was making the right decision. Sure Quinn had seemed distraught, but could she really be trusted not to run off scared again? Ok so they had been holding hands for the last 15 minutes and Quinn had yet to run off. But what if that changed? What if Rachel mentioned finding a girl hot and Quinn couldn't take it? What if she finally realised how completely head over heels Rachel was for her, how could that not send her running to the hills? But then she looked at their fingers entwined and it felt so right she decided she had to at least try to be friends with Quinn again. As always her heart won out and she was just going to have to hope it was making the right decision.

"So, Rach. If we're going to be friends again. How would you feel about a sleepover?" Quinn knew she might be pushing it, but the last 48 hours had been a kind of painful she hadn't expected. If she'd thought she might have feelings for Rachel before, the pain she felt at the idea of losing her had pretty much confirmed them. She wanted an unadulterated evening of Rachel time, hoping by the end they could be back to where they were before, wherever that was.

"OK. But we'll have it at mine. If you have some freak out again I don't want to have to walk home."

"Rachel, I won't…"

"Mine or nothing."

"Ok, yours. How's Friday?"


	9. Chapter 9

The week following the performance the girls only really saw each other during chem class, bar a few crossed paths on their way to and from other classes. Accidental meetings that Quinn was never going to admit perhaps weren't entirely accidently. Chem on Tuesday had been a little frosty. They'd left the bleachers on Monday having decided to work at their friendship but Quinn knew she still had a way to go and Rachel was still wary of getting hurt. By Wednesday Quinn was certain she'd seen the brunette at least smirk at some of her bad jokes and when she'd reached out to give the girl a friendly side-hug she hadn't moved away. It was a small gesture but it gave Quinn hope. Thursday at glee Rachel sat in front of her. At first Quinn was sure it was a step back but then Rachel had turned around and given her the widest smile when Quinn had suggested it might be time to add some more Celine Dion to their repertoire. The suggestion had garnered an eye roll and 'whipped' mime from Santana and a groan from the rest of the club, but the smile made it all worthwhile. She didn't even really like Celine Dion but she knew Rachel loved to belt out a good ballad and hopefully she would see that Quinn was doing it for her.

As glee wrapped up Quinn started to put her notebook away

"Q. Me and Britt are going to the mall after school, you wanna tag along?"

"Yeah Quinn, you should come. Santana promised me cotton candy from that new cart and I wanna get some new hats."

"You sure I wouldn't be cramping your style?"

Santana shot her look but Brittany remained oblivious to the insinuation.

"People say my style is unique, I don't think you could cramp it."

"Sure Britt. I'd love to. I just gotta talk to Rachel for a sec."

"Sure you do." Santana raised an eyebrow in retaliation which Quinn expertly ignored.

She walked over to Rachel who was grabbing some sheet music from the piano.

"Hey. So are we still on for tomorrow? Cos if you've changed your mind I…"

"It's still on. You should know Quinn Fabray, I don't break dates." Some of the glint was back in Rachel's eyes and it made Quinn's heart flutter. She didn't know if Rachel realised quite what she'd suggested but either way Quinn could feel her heartbeat in her ears.

"Of course, how could I be so rude? So, are you busy studying tonight?"

"Yeah, I have a test in the morning. I'm already mostly prepared but it doesn't hurt to study a little extra. Why?"

"Me and the girls were going to the mall and I thought…"

"If being friends with you means I might have to spend time with Santana I might have to reconsider inviting you over tomorrow." Rachel's grin was mischievous.

"Well I don't want to jeopardise that so consider my invite rescinded."

"That's a pretty big word for you Quinn."

"I happen to know a lot of big words; I get them from this friend who won't shut up." Quinn nudged Rachel with her shoulder and they both laughed. It felt so good to just be relaxed together.

They were interrupted by Santana clearing her throat.

"If you girls are quite done with this love fest, Britt wants her get her sugar rush on."

Quinn hoped her friend could see the death stare she was giving her. Rachel was finally acting normally with her and Santana had to go and ruin the moment.

"You should go Quinn, I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow Rachel."

"See ya round Sasquatch."

"That doesn't even make sense" Quinn said as she elbowed Santana in the ribs.

"Whatever."

The ex-Cheerios started to walk out when Quinn realised she'd left her scarf on the back of her chair. Grabbing it and wrapping it around her neck she walked past Rachel again who was busy organising the stuff in her bag.

"Hey Rachel?"

"Yeah?" Rachel turned as she replied and Quinn pulled her into a hug that lasted just a little longer than a friendly hug should.

"See you tomorrow," Quinn said through a smile as she uncharacteristically bounced out the room behind her friends. As she walked down the corridor behind the girls she could still feel the tingle from the hug, still smell a little of Rachel's shampoo, she couldn't help but smile.

Rachel hadn't expected the hug but she wasn't upset by it. Over the last three days the blonde had managed to worm her way back into Rachel's heart. Rachel had tried so hard to resist and maintain some distance between them but it had been impossible. The more time she spent with Quinn, not Quinn Fabray queen of William McKinley High, but Quinn, the harder she was to resist. Quinn made stupid jokes, usually under her breath because she thought no one would find them funny. But Rachel found them funny. Quinn actually listened when you spoke and heard the things you didn't even realise you were saying, the things beneath the words. Quinn honestly seemed to care. After three days of trying to be distant and cold and trying to make Quinn work for her trust Rachel just couldn't keep it up any more. Especially after the blonde had requested Celine Dion. Rachel knew the request was for her, another in a series of silent promises Quinn had been giving her. She didn't want to read too much into it, it was after all just a song request, but she couldn't help but think that Quinn was really trying to tell her that she mattered to her. Quinn wanted her to be happy, to have all the things she wanted. She probably was reading too much into. That had been a big part of her hesitation; if she got close to Quinn again, let herself continue to fall deeper in love, she couldn't help but wonder how much more it was going to hurt when it all came crashing down. Rachel was starting to believe she might just be a masochist, because despite all these fears, there she'd been after glee, not so subtly flirting with Quinn again.

She was dreading this sleepover. She'd agreed at first as a kind of test. She figured spending hours just the two of them she could find a new, healthier, way to be friends with Quinn. At the time she'd still been hurt and a little angry. But Quinn's request had seemed genuine and Rachel wanted to forgive her, a sleepover seemed like a good opportunity to start afresh, to forge a proper friendship. Rachel had thought all the anger and hurt had finally put an end to her crush. She had tried to continue telling herself that until that damn hug. All at once there was Quinn, arms wrapped around her, her own arms instinctively returning the embrace. It felt like it went on far longer than it actually did, the feeling of safety contained in the blonde's arms enveloping her like a fog. She remembered breathing out slowly, feeling her weight relax into Quinn. Only the sudden awareness of Brittany and Santana waiting in the doorway had stopped her from staying like that for even longer. Tomorrow night was going to be trouble.

* * *

Quinn had been following her friends round the mall for an hour watching them laugh and flirt, if it hadn't been so cute it would have been sickening. She wondered how Santana could be like this and not see how much she and Britt worked as a couple. They fit together like, well like San and Britt, they'd always come as a pair and she wished she could make Santana see what a fool she was being. After getting through the innumerable stores Santana had wanted go to she'd finally agreed to indulge Brittany's need for sugar. After paying Santana handed the cotton candy to Brittany who instantly offered it back.

"You want first bite?"

"Sure. Thanks B." Quinn could see the love in both girls' eyes and she realized Santana must be blind if she couldn't see how much Brittany adored her. She wondered if her new found affection for Rachel was equally obvious. She hoped Rachel couldn't see the same look in her eyes that she could see in Brittany's; Quinn wasn't ready for that yet. She didn't even know if she was ready to spend a whole night at the Berry house. But that was a fear she would deal with tomorrow. Today there was still one store she needed to visit.

* * *

Both girls went home after school on Friday, Quinn to pack an overnight bag and Rachel to get her house ready for a guest. Her dads were away visiting an old college friend and Rachel needed to make up the guest room. She also wanted to do a little organising of her own room. She rarely had guests, and whenever Quinn had visited they'd never gone up there. She had realised that morning there were a few embarrassing things it was probably sensible to hide; the stuffed bear that had sat on her bed since she was five, the framed signed photo of Patti LuPone, the drawing she'd done of herself as Fantine when she was 9 years old. These were not things Quinn needed to see, at least not while their friendship was still finding its feet. Just as she finished she heard the doorbell. She straightened her skirt and ran downstairs to let Quinn in.

"Hi."

"Hi, come in." Rachel opened the door wider and Quinn put her bag down in the foyer and took her coat off.

"It's still so cold out there; I had to have the heat in the car on full."

"Well it's nice and warm in here. We can have the fire on later if you want."

"That sounds nice." She looked at Rachel and smiled, imagining cosying up with her next to the fire. "So are your dads home?" She hoped the question didn't sound a little sleazy, because it kind of did in her head.

"No, they went to visit a friend out of state. It's just us."

"Oh…" Quinn didn't know if she was happy or terrified.

Rachel noticed the tension between them and worried it might seem like she was some predatory lesbian trying to get Quinn alone.

"Not that that's why I said we should do this…um have this sleep over here. It's just a coincidence."

Rachel was flustered. Quinn moved toward her and placed her hand on Rachel's arm.

"Rach. It's ok. I don't think you lured me into your lair or anything." Quinn smiled and Rachel managed to relax.

"Good, cos I like to think I would be more subtle if that's what I was doing."

"Oh I'm sure you'd have a meticulous plan."

"There would be diagrams."

"I'd like to see them." Quinn cocked her eyebrows, somewhat retaliating to the glint she saw in Rachel's eyes.

Rachel realised Quinn's hand was still on her arm. Silence fell over them for a minute, both just looking at the other, both unsure if this flirting was really a safe place for them to be. Rachel broke the silence.

"I was thinking we could watch a movie or something." She moved toward the couch, breaking the contact between them.

"Sounds good. Anything in particular? Maybe another of your old classics?"

"Actually I was thinking something a little more contemporary. Have you seen 'Once'?"

"No, I never got around to it."

"Perfect. Sit down I'm just going to make us some popcorn. Want anything to drink?"

"Some water would be lovely."

"Ok, I'll be right back."

Rachel headed to the kitchen and Quinn waited until she was gone before she snuck back out to the foyer and got something from her bag. She took it back to the living room and hid it behind one of the cushions on the couch.

Rachel came back with a huge bowl filled with popcorn and two bottles of water. She nestled on the couch next to Quinn and put the bowl between them. She started the movie and pair settled in. Every now and then their hands would reach for popcorn at the same time and they'd both look up and apologise, each time holding each other's gaze for a little longer. Neither girl would admit it but after a while they both started doing it on purpose, enjoying the little jolt of electricity they got from the touch. Soon the popcorn was finished and there was still at least an hour of the movie to go. Quinn, feeling somewhat brave, moved the bowl to the coffee table and scooted closer to Rachel. They were almost touching and Rachel could feel the heat from Quinn's thighs on her own. She wanted to move away, the temptation to touch the blonde becoming almost too much. Instead she stayed, revelling in the exquisite torture of having Quinn so close.

Quinn was feeling equally tense. She'd wanted to sit next to Rachel, but until she'd moved she hadn't realised quite how close she was going to end up; it was as if her body had a mind of its own and her body wanted to be nearer to Rachel Berry. Just as she got used to the lack of space between them her damn body took over again and linked her arm with Rachel's. At first she kept her hand on her own lap, but as her previous move wasn't met with any resistance she grew a little bolder and the next thing she knew they were sitting there hand in hand. And just like in the movie theatre, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Rachel hadn't expected it but when Quinn started to move to take her hand she knew there was no way she could resist, the pull was too strong. How could anyone not want to hold Quinn Fabray's perfect hand? Her thoughts turned to that afternoon at the movies, before she'd pulled the rug out from under them and changed everything. Except maybe she hadn't changed anything at all, because here Quinn was again, sitting on her couch holding her hand. She kept repeating to herself not to read too much into it, it was just a friendly gesture, but she knew her heart wasn't buying it. As the movie ended Quinn quickly took her hand away and turned away from her. Rachel was sure she was about to get a talk about how this didn't mean anything.

Quinn couldn't wait for the movie to end. She'd been looking for the right time and this seemed to be it. She begrudgingly removed her hand from Rachel's and turned away from her, uncovering the thing she had hidden behind the cushion earlier. She turned back and presented Rachel with a book tied up in a gold bow.

"I couldn't find a star; I hope a bow will do."

"What's this?" Rachel looked shocked.

"A present, dummy, now open it."

Rachel took the book and slipped off the bow realising it was in fact the complete libretto for Funny Girl. Her heart sank a little. It was a sweet gesture but she already had it, surely Quinn wouldn't think she didn't own such a seminal work.

"Oh Quinn, that's really sweet but."

Quinn shook her head.

"Open the first page."

Rachel opened the book and saw why Quinn had been so excited to give this to her. Her hands shook a little and she couldn't quite form words.

"Oh my god! Quinn, it's signed! It's signed by Jule Styne! How did you…?"

"The music store in the mall has this section outback for rare stuff, I go there to get old CDs sometimes and I saw it last week. I was going to tell you about it, but then…So I thought I'd just get it for you. So you like it?"

"I love it!" She suddenly wrapped Quinn in the strongest of bear hugs, hardly letting the blonde breathe. Slowly letting go a little she remained there, arms wrapped around Quinn, so amazed the girl would do something like this for her.

"I'm glad you like it Rach."

"There are not enough words for how much I like this."

"So I guess I'm forgiven then?"

"You were forgiven before this. Now you just have extra points."

"So friendship with you works on a points system?"

"Yep."

"What else earns you points?"

"The usual. Agreeing with my taste in movies, let me pick where we get take out from, telling me I sing better than anyone else in glee."

"Well I think I can manage the first two tonight and you know I've already done the last one more than once. How many points do think I can rack up this evening?"

"We'll just have to wait and see."

They were flirting again, they were sitting on a sofa, holding each other and flirting, and they both knew it. Rachel's right arm was still around Quinn's back but her left was now resting on Quinn's lap, her head having found a comfortable spot resting on the blonde's chest. She started to play with a ring on Quinn's right hand.

"Where'd this come from?"

"My mom gave it to me after my conformation."

"It's pretty."

"Yeah. I'm not sure I still believe all the stuff that came with it but the ring still means something."

"So you're not a Christian anymore?"

"I don't know what I am Rach." There was so much said in her answer that Quinn wasn't ready to confront and she hoped Rachel wasn't aware of the double meaning. But it was true, sitting there, curled up on a sofa with Rachel resting against her she really didn't know what she was apart from painfully content.

They stayed like that for nearly an hour, Rachel playing with Quinn's hands, running her fingers along her knuckles, asking about scars Quinn had long since forgotten about. They talked about fears and ambitions, what they'd wanted to be when they were kids, what they wanted to be now. Rachel's dreams had never changed, it had always been Broadway and Quinn, well when Quinn was small she had wanted to be her mother, now all she knew was that she wanted to be anything but.

Eventually the light started to fade and they realised they were sitting in the dark. Quinn's stomach rumbled.

"Someone obviously didn't fill up on popcorn."

"Maybe that's because someone else eats like a pig despite being tiny."

Rachel swatted at Quinn's leg and slowly started to extricate herself from the girl's arms.

"I resent that. I simply have a very fast metabolism. Anyway, we should eat."

"Yes we should. And I seem to remember if I'm going to get points for this I have to let you decide where we order from."

"Well remembered. I'm feeling like chinese, does that work for you?"

"I like that you're asking as if I have a choice, but yes, chinese sounds good."

"I'll go get the menus."

Rachel stood up and walked to the kitchen leaving Quinn suddenly feeling cold with the lack of her presence. She returned with a menu covered in asterisks.

"I take it these are the menu items you approve of?"

"It makes choosing quicker."

"Well just pick out one of your favourites for me, I trust you."

Rachel sat back next to her and Quinn shivered at the touch.

"You're cold. After I call the restaurant I'll put the fire on."

Quinn didn't have the heart to tell her she wasn't shivering because of the cold.

* * *

The food arrived quickly. Rachel had ordered her mushrooms and eggplant in blackbean sauce, it was delicious. They ate at the kitchen table, talking and laughing, every now and then picking something tasty looking off the other's plate. It felt so comfortable, like they'd been doing this for years. When they were done Rachel cleared their plates, even though Quinn tried to insist she should do it.

"I've got some ice cream but I don't know if you'll like it." She called from by the freezer.

"Why wouldn't I like ice cream?"

"It's vegan."

"Of course. I'm willing to give it a try. But if it's gross I will tell you. That won't lose me points will it?"

"Not if you let me eat the ice cream you don't want."

"Pig." Quinn retorted, Rachel pouted at her as she said it, "I know, fast metabolism." Quinn rolled her eyes.

Rachel brought the ice cream over and Quinn had to admit it tasted pretty good.

"Sorry Rach, looks like no extra ice cream for you." She smiled and Rachel couldn't help but grin back, even if she wasn't getting extra ice cream. She never thought she could be this content sitting in her kitchen eating ice cream with Quinn Fabray, what strange twists and turns life takes.

Before dinner Rachel had lit the fire and by the time they were done it was burning bright and warm. They returned to the living room and sat by it, they're hands instinctively reaching out for each other again. Rachel thumbed through her present and sang her favourite sections to Quinn, squeezing her hand at the truly emotional parts. Quinn realised she could spend the rest of her life getting private concerts from Rachel. Towards the end she noticed the start of tears in the girl's eyes.

"Hey, what are the tears for?"

"Sorry, it's just this story always gets to me. She's just so brave."

"You're such a wuss." Quinn smiled lightly as she brushed a small tear from Rachel's cheek. She shivered again, lost in the touch and so scared of everything it meant. She looked deep into Rachel's eyes and part of her knew it was too late to do anything about it.

Rachel looked up at Quinn and saw what she thought was worry in her eyes. It didn't surprise her; she could feel what was happening here. As the night progressed it had become more and more obvious. This wasn't just her. Quinn sought out her hand, Quinn kept finding ways to touch her, Quinn looked deep into her eyes and didn't let go. She couldn't imagine how scary that must be for her, to find herself drawn to another girl. All night she'd been holding back a little, not wanting to push anything. She loved how close they were but she knew they weren't suddenly going to become the hot new couple at McKinley, or even a couple at all. Being drawn to a girl and acting on it were two very different things and she had no idea if Quinn even wanted to act on this. But she wasn't going to push, because at that moment just being with her was enough. But that look in Quinn's eyes, that look meant she had to say something, she wanted Quinn to be ok with whatever this was.

"Are you ok?" She looked up into Quinn's eyes with all the sincerity she could muster.

"I'm terrified Rachel."

"Why?"

Quinn looked down at their hands.

"Because of this. Because you're a girl and I'm Quinn Fabray.

"Not THE Quinn Fabray. That's quite an ego you've got there"

"Rachel, I'm serious."

"I know I'm sorry."

"There's something here, isn't there Rachel, something between us? I'm not just imagining it."

"No Quinn, there's something."

Quinn let out a long breath and swallowed, holding Rachel's hand tighter.

"I'm terrified that this is all it will ever be, all it ever can be, sitting here at 2am talking and holding your hand and I don't want to lead you on." Quinn kept her head down, not ready to look Rachel in the eye.

Rachel waited, knowing Quinn had more to say

"I don't know if I can ever be what you need. And I want you to be with someone who can give you everything; I want you to be happy. And I don't know if I can be that person. God Rach, I don't want to break your heart." She finally looked up, tears waiting at the corners of her eyes.

"I'm a big girl Quinn; I can look after my own heart. All I know is that sitting here at 2am holding your hand I feel more alive than I ever have. I feel like me when I'm with you. And if this is all it's ever going to be then that's ok."

"I feel that too, like I can finally be me with you. I just don't want you to hold on to this hoping it'll be more, cos I don't know if it ever can be. I don't know if I can be that for you."

"That's ok; I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for. And hey," She brushed her thumb over the tears now running down Quinn's cheek, "Every great diva's had some pain in her life."

"Rachel."

"Sorry. Let's make a deal, if there's ever a time when being around you causes me more pain than it makes me happy, I'll tell you. Deal?"

"Deal."

"But you have to promise the same."

"I promise."

They stayed there for a while, neither of them sure what next to say.

"I think it's probably bed time. I know it's Saturday tomorrow, or today even, but I'm kinda tired." Rachel gave Quinn a small smile, hoping she understood that she wasn't trying to escape, she just needed some sleep.

"Yeah, me too."

They reluctantly stood. Rachel tended to the fire which was almost out anyway.

"I've set up the guest room for you; I'll show you where it is."

Quinn looked at her for a moment; Rachel could see her considering something.

"Rach? Would it be ok if I stayed in your room tonight? I mean, if you don't think it's too much."

"If that's what you want then it's ok with me. We're doing this at your pace."

"I know, but I thought maybe it might be a little unfair, like I'm teasing you or something."

"Quinn, have you seen yourself, you tease me just by standing in the same room as me."

Quinn blushed.

"Sorry if that was overstepping the bounds, but you are beautiful Quinn Fabray. Anyway, to bed." Now it was Rachel's turn to blush. "Oh god, that did not come out right."

"It's ok; your accidental innuendo is cute."

She went to the foyer to grab her bag and then took Rachel's hand as she was lead up the stairs to her room.

* * *

They both changed in to pyjamas in Rachel's en-suite bathroom. Rachel's pyjamas were pink with yellow musical notes all over them; Quinn wore some shorts and an old Cheerios t-shirt. Seeing the logo made Rachel flash back to old Quinn, the Quinn who she could never have imagined standing in front of her looking nervous but happy about sharing a bed with her.

"Sorry about the t-shirt, it was all that was clean."

"It's ok. Makes me wish I could go back in time and tell Quinn from a year ago what was going to happen in her future." Rachel smiled.

"I'm pretty sure she wouldn't believe you. And then she'd probably call you man hands."

"Probably."

Rachel walked to the bed and slipped under the covers, turning on the lamp on the nightstand beside her.

"Hit the light switch would you."

Quinn turned off the light and walked to the other side of the bed. She got in tentatively and kept a large space between them.

"Good night Quinn, sleep well."

"Night Rachel, have beautiful dreams." Rachel turned off the light so Quinn didn't see the huge smile on her face. She liked that Quinn cared what kind of dreams she had.

Quinn lay there for what felt like forever, she was scared to move even an inch. She worried about accidently touching Rachel but at the same time was so desperate to close the space between them. She wanted to curl herself around the brunette and fall asleep breathing her in. She hadn't expected things to change so drastically that night but it felt like the most natural thing in the world. What was the point in denying something that felt so right? She still didn't know if it could be more, if she could leap that divide between friend and something else. She just knew being next to Rachel made her feel more safe than she'd felt her entire life. She swallowed hard and whispered into the dark.

"Are you awake Rach?"

"Yes, why?"

Quinn didn't reply she just rolled onto her side and wrapped her right arm around Rachel's stomach pulling herself flush against the girl's back. Rachel's consent was wordless, she simply relaxed into Quinn's body, nestling herself into the concave hollow Quinn made for her. They fit like jigsaw pieces.

"Rachel, is it ok if I don't let go?"

"It's more than ok."

"Are you sure?"

"Remember the deal, I'll tell you if it's not ok."

"Good, cos I don't think I can let go."

Within minutes they were both fast asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N So firstly I want to thank everyone for their reviews/comments, they really mean a lot. **

**This chapter is quite dialogue heavy because I think these girls have some stuff they need to talk about. Hope you don't hate me for dragging out the build up just a little longer. I swear there will be a pay off.**

Quinn woke slowly; her eyes adjusting to how bright the yellow of Rachel's bedroom walls were in the morning sunshine. Maybe that was the secret to the girl's perpetual perkiness. As the rest of her senses came back from what had been a very deep sleep she realised she was still wrapped around Rachel, her arm around her stomach and their legs entwined. She rather liked being the big spoon. She tried not to move too much not wanting to disturb Rachel but also wanting to revel in the moment. She breathed gently in time to the slow rise and fall of the other girl's chest. She felt peaceful. Is that what love was, was it this sense of complete and utter peacefulness? Quinn wasn't sure she was ready to think of Rachel in terms of love just yet but she was ready to admit that in that moment there was nowhere else she'd rather be. She pulled back slightly so she could get a better look at Rachel as she slumbered. She realised this was perhaps the first time she'd known her be quiet for this long. She'd grown to like hearing Rachel ramble about god knows what but in this silence she was finally able to watch her without the blush that would inevitably rise every time Rachel caught her doing just that. The brunette was stunning. In the peace of sleep, her face relaxed, her mind off in some dream world, Rachel was breath-taking. Quinn couldn't resist, she planted a small kiss on back of her pyjama-clad right shoulder, marking the space her own. If she could wake every morning her face resting against that shoulder she imagined she might find herself just as perky as Rachel. She nuzzled back into the embrace that she had held for the last eight hours but the movement seemed to rouse Rachel from her dreams.

"mmmm, comfy." Rachel mumbled still hazy from sleep.

"Me too. Let's just stay like this for a while."

"Ok."

And with that both girls went back to sleep for a while.

They finally woke again at 11, Rachel turning in Quinn's arms and watching as she scrunched up her face in an attempt to open her eyes. Opening them one at a time Quinn looked at Rachel, so close she could kiss her.

"Hey," Quinn said quietly

"Hey."

They both stayed like that for a moment, just looking at each other.

"Your room's bright, how do you cope with it?"

"I'm a morning person, I like the brightness." She reached up and pushed a lock of hair behind Quinn's ear. "I'm assuming you don't like mornings."

"Just one of the many things you're going to learn about me Berry."

"What else?"

"I don't feel human until I've brushed my teeth."

"That means you have to get up though."

"You're noticing my new-found dilemma."

"Well I don't want you to feel inhuman." Rachel started to pull back.

"Maybe I'll just have to learn to cope for while." Quinn tightened her hold on Rachel, not letting her get up.

"five minutes and then we're getting up. Have you seen the time? I never sleep this late."

"Ok, five. But you aren't allowed to count it down to the exact second."

"But then how will I know it's been five minutes."

"You won't." Rachel pouted a little. "And that's ok sometimes. You need to learn to relax."

"I thought that's what I was doing."

"Then do it." Quinn pulled Rachel closer until her head was in the crook of Quinn's neck.

Eventually Rachel shifted and looked up at Quinn.

"That has to be five minutes."

"Were you counting?"

Rachel looked down again.

"Maybe a little."

"Fine. Let's get up. But you're making me breakfast."

"Why do you think I wanted to get up? I have a culinary feast planned for this morning."

Reluctantly Quinn let Rachel go and watched as she got out of bed and grabbed her robe off the back of the bedroom door. She smiled to herself. She had it bad.

"You can use the bathroom first; I'm going to get started in the kitchen."

Rachel walked out the room and Quinn threw her head back and sighed. How the hell had it got here already? Only a few days ago she'd just wanted to be friends again, hoping her gift would put her back in Rachel's good graces. Now here she was lying in the girl's bed with a goofy grin on her face. The last night had been intense, she'd been so scared of telling Rachel her fears but it had felt good to get it out there. And she'd meant every word. She knew that this was more than friendship, the way she'd clung to Rachel this morning was evidence of that, but could it really be more? She liked the idea of this, of waking with Rachel, of holding her and listening to the light snoring of her morning slumber, but could she do all the other things a relationship involved? Could she do this, out there in the world, with everyone watching? She latched onto Rachel's words from last night and hoped she'd meant them. They would just play it by ear, do what felt right, no pressure, no labels, just feel it out. Somehow she still couldn't shake the fear she was going to end up breaking Rachel's heart. And that was the last thing she ever wanted to do.

She sat up and ran her hands through her sleep-tousled hair.

"Rachel freakin' Berry."

* * *

Rachel had already made a good start on the pancakes, the eggs were ready to go in the pan and the veggie sausages were starting to brown nicely. She hummed to herself as she pottered around the kitchen. Was this what it felt like to really be with someone? She knew she had to resist jumping the gun, they weren't in a relationship. But being the romantic (and if she was honest, slight fantasist) she was it was heard not to imagine what it would be like to get to do this all the time. Make breakfast for her girlfriend. She pushed the idea, the word, aside. She had to be strong for Quinn, had to be patient. She told herself it might not even go there and she'd promised she'd be ok with that. And she really did think she could be. It would hurt, there was no denying that, because waking in Quinn's arms had been the happiest moment of her life to date, but as long as she never lost Quinn she could cope. She couldn't believe quite how much she'd grown to need Quinn in such a short space of time. It was as if as soon as they'd really seen each other they were drawn like magnets. From the first day they'd really talked, seen the girl behind the high school façade, this moment had been inevitable. Maybe it wasn't so surprising it happened so fast, wasn't love meant to be like that? There she was again, projecting. She needed to dial it back, just go at Quinn's pace. But that didn't mean she wasn't going to hope that Quinn would realise how perfect they were together.

Rachel looked up when she heard Quinn come down the stairs.

"That smells good, what are you making?"

"The works."

"And what is the Rachel Berry version of the works?"

"Pancakes, eggs, sausage."

"That doesn't sound very vegan," Quinn said, confused.

"Well the sausages are veggie. And you have to promise not to tell, but I tend to forgo my veganism for breakfast. I really love scrambled eggs."

"Your secret is safe with me. Can I help?"

"Just set the table. The cutlery is in that drawer there." Rachel pointed with her spatula at a drawer behind her.

"Cool."

They ate breakfast in a comfortable silence, smiling at each other between mouthfuls of food.

"This is really good Rach. I should eat breakfast here more often." There was a slight glint in Quinn's eye, a small raise of the eyebrow.

"I think you should too," Rachel returned the flirty tone, "And thank you. I tend to make Saturday breakfast for my dads."

"So what's the plan for today?"

"What makes you think I have a plan?"

"You always have a plan Rachel."

"Well I was thinking we could go for a walk, I love days like this, so cold and crisp. And then I thought we could just veg out and watch a movie of your choosing."

"My choice?"

"Yes Quinn. I am capable of allowing others to make decisions." She noticed the look on Quinn's face, "Sometimes."

"Well I feel honoured. Let's get ready and go for this walk."

* * *

They both got changed into warm clothes, wrapped themselves in scarves and coats and headed out into the cold but bright Ohio day.

Quinn instinctively reached for Rachel's hand and Rachel put up no protest but did her best to hide the smile on her face.

"Your hands are freezing, here" Quinn placed their linked hands into the pocket of her large coat. Rachel felt a warmth that wasn't coming from her newly ensconced hand but straight from her heart.

Quinn wasn't sure what made her do it; she knew what a coupley gesture it was. But play it by ear was her new mantra and it just felt right. They walked for a while, Quinn having so much she wanted to say but so scared of breaking the little bubble they had constructed for themselves.

"The sky's so blue today. I love days like this." Rachel was staring up at the sky, hardly looking where she was going.

"When did you know?" Quinn asked tentatively.

"That I liked blue sky's?" Rachel was a little confused. Quinn squeezed her hand.

"No, dummy, girls. When did you know you liked girls?"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I suppose when I was around 13. It just sort of occurred to me. Like when it gets to 5 o'clock and you suddenly remember something you were supposed to do all day. I just knew all of a sudden. Then things started to make sense. Ways I had acted around certain girls, things I'd thought but had dismissed at the time, Finn."

Quinn looked down at the sound of the boy's name. Rachel continued.

"I finally understood my love of Dirty Dancing."

"Huh?" Quinn looked at her, it was her turn to be confused.

"When I was about 8 my dad let me watch Dirty Dancing for the first time."

"Isn't that a little young?"

"We weren't all brought up in repressed conservative households Quinn. My fathers had issues with violent movies, but a little skin and some dancing, that they were ok with. Plus anything I didn't get they would just tell me I'd understand when I was older. Anyway, dad had a bit of a thing for Patrick Swayze so we used to watch the film quite often. But I used to watch it even when he wasn't there, but not all of it."

"The final dance, right?"

"Not at all. It was the sequence where he teaches her dance, the Hungry Eyes bit. I would watch it over and over; I nearly wore the tape out. I thought I just liked Patrick Swayze, like Dad. But once I realised I was gay it all made sense, I didn't like Patrick Swayze I kind of…well…I wanted to be him. The way he held her, that moment where Baby and Penny danced together. Let's just say even at 8 I think it had quiet an effect on me."

"I did wonder why you wouldn't shut up about Dancing With The Stars that season," Quinn said with just a touch of a laugh. Rachel swatted at her with her free hand.

"Hey. I'm opening myself up here."

"I know. Thank you for trusting me. I didn't know if you would anymore."

"You apologised Quinn and I believe you."

"Good, cos I meant it. And I'm sorry."

"I told you, your apology was enough."

"Not for that. For before…for everything." Quinn was looking at the ground again.

"Quinn…"

"No. I need so say this. I've been kinda awful to you Rachel, the names, the online comments and stuff. I know I never actually threw a slushie, but that doesn't mean I wasn't complicit."

"Complicit?"

"Yes Rachel I know big words, I told you. Stop derailing me, I'm trying to say I'm sorry."

"You don't…"

"Yes I do. I made your life so much harder than it had to be. I'm still not sure why I did it. I think maybe I was jealous of you."

"Of me?" Rachel sounded incredulous.

"Yes of you. You're so…you."

"Huh?"

"You never get scared, you never back down. You just be yourself and you don't care what people think. I've always been so scared of my reputation, of being who I was supposed to be. But you? You just be you and that scared me. But I should never have acted the way I did and the fact that you're willing to forgive me, well that makes me want to earn your forgiveness even more and prove that I don't want to be the person I used to be anymore."

"I know you're not that same person." She said it with complete sincerity. "And I do care what people think, Quinn." Rachel's voice got small.

"But you don't let it get to you." Quinn stopped and turned to face Rachel, taking her other hand. "You keep your head up and you don't let what people say change you. You're so brave and that just made me feel like such a coward, so I lashed out. And I'm sorry."

"I'm not brave Quinn. If I was brave I would have come out by now." Rachel was still talking at an almost whisper.

"Oh Rachel, don't you see how brave you already are. You put yourself out there and told me even though you must have known I would probably be a jerk. Coming out is massive and taking your time with it doesn't make you any less brave." She let go of Rachel's hand and lifted the girl's chin up so she could look in her eyes. "You amaze me Rachel and I'm glad I finally got the chance to realise that."

They looked at each other for a while, standing so close in the cold Ohio air

"Me too," was all Rachel could say. She felt that pull that was at once so unknown and so familiar. She could almost feel Quinn's breath on her face, the touch of her hand on her chin. She knew what this was, what she wanted.

Quinn felt it too. What had just been a move to try and force Rachel to see she meant every word she was saying was now something else. She felt the electricity from the hand still holding Rachel's in her pocket to the one under the brunette's chin. Just the slightest movement and they'd be kissing. She'd be kissing Rachel Berry. Her stomach flip-flopped at the thought. She swallowed heavily. Then she realised she was in the middle of Franklin street, not far from where her 6th grade piano teacher lived. Anyone could see them. She stepped back, letting go of Rachel's chin but keeping hold of her hand. She may not have been ready to kiss her but she didn't want to let her go.

Rachel breathed again; unaware she had been holding her breath at all. Part of her wished she'd taken the initiative, just reached out and kissed the girl. In that moment, both of them lost in the other's eyes it could have been so right. But she also knew it was still too soon. Quinn had to be the one to dictate this. Rachel may not be very experienced but she knew that a kiss between them had to be on Quinn's terms. Rachel squeezed Quinn's hand to reassure her that she was ok; that she knew now wasn't the time.

They started walking again.

"Have you ever kissed a girl?" Quinn knew the question was a little more weighted now than it would have been ten minutes ago.

"Not yet. But that doesn't make me any less certain of my sexual orientation. I mean I look at Carey Mulligan or Blake Lively and I know it's not the same as when I look at Jake Gyllenhaal."

"Wow, even Jake. You must be gay." Quinn smirked, glad some of the tension was gone. "And a thing for blondes too."

"I suppose I do perhaps have a type." They were flirting again and it felt good.

"Anyone at school caught your eye?" Quinn knew she was treading a fine line. On one hand she didn't want to know, but she was intrigued.

"Not really. Maybe one or two girls that I might have looked at for a little longer than I should have."

"Perved on you mean." It was said with a laugh and Quinn hoped Rachel knew it was in jest.

"You could say that. Amy Richards does have a very pleasing rear end."

"I can't believe you just used the phrase 'rear end' when talking about checking out girls. If ever there was a time to say 'ass' it's then."

"Fine. She has a great ass."

"She kinda does.

"Quinn Fabray!" Rachel exclaimed in shock.

"It's just a fact."

They both laughed.

"Have you ever…thought about…girls?" Rachel wasn't sure what answer she was hoping for.

"Not really. I mean I know when a girl is hot and I guess I've appreciated it but I've never wanted to, y'know, do anything before…" Quinn's words trailed off, she wasn't quite ready for this.

They walked in silence again for a while.

"Have you thought about telling your dads?"

"I know I will eventually but right now I'm not ready. I know they wouldn't care, obviously, but they'd be so desperate to be supportive to make up for all the people who weren't supportive of them. I think they might smother me a little. God I can see the PFlag meetings already."

"PFlag?"

"Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. It's a gay family organisation. I don't want to be part of the Berry family pride parade just yet. I need to have this to myself for a while, make it mine before I share it with them. Plus I like having something that's just mine. My dads know everything else about me. Maybe it's my rebellious teenage phase, but I like having a secret for now."

"That makes sense. At least you know when you do tell them it'll be ok. I've only kept secrets because I knew the truth would ruin everything."

Rachel squeezed her hand again. She looked up and realised they'd walked in a circle and were almost back at her house.

"Looks like we're back home. Decided what movie you want to watch yet?"

"I was thinking maybe Dirty Dancing." Quinn quirked an eyebrow.

"Hey! That's not fair."

"You said it was my choice."

"I'm totally deducting points for this."

"I think I'll cope."

They walked up the steps to Rachel's house both grinning like fools.

* * *

Quinn was settled on the couch while Rachel made popcorn again. She'd had maybe the best 24 hours she could remember in a long time. Curled up the Berry's insanely comfortable couch, a newly lit fire just starting to really burn she couldn't imagine being much happier. The whole house just felt so, well, homely. She knew her mom was trying to do better with their place now that her dad was gone, but every time she moved something she ended up moving it back because that's how her dad had liked it. Even though he was gone it still felt like he was everywhere. She looked at the mantle crowded with Berry family pictures, Rachel at different ages but in each one she could see the smiles of love coming from the girl's dads. Rachel was a lucky girl. She heard the girl in question returning from the kitchen.

"So are we really watching Dirty Dancing?" Rachel dropped into the sofa, placing the popcorn bowl between them as before.

"We really are. And if you're lucky I'll let you teach me the dance afterward."

"How do you know I know the final dance?"

"Don't you?"

"Well of course I do, but I don't see how you could be so sure I would."

"Because you're Rachel Berry. Now press play."

They watched the movie laughing at the bits that now seemed a little corny, Rachel providing a detailed commentary about the making of the movie.

"See by this point they'd filmed most of it already, so Jennifer Gray had to pretend she didn't know how to dance."

"This is your favourite bit isn't it?" Quinn poked Rachel gently in the side and Rachel blushed.

"Yes Quinn. This is my favourite bit."

Quinn watched as Rachel's attention returned to the screen, she was wrapped. As she watched Baby dance with Johnny, the two of them moving together on screen she saw Rachel gently bite her bottom lip. Quinn couldn't deny it was a bit of a turn on. She liked the idea of Rachel seeing herself as Johnny Castle, not that she thought of Rachel as being like a guy, it was more that she liked the idea that Rachel felt an affinity for the character, the guy who was tough on the outside but really just a sucker for love. The guy who didn't care what society thought and just wanted to stand up for the woman he loved and sweep her off her feet in front of everyone. It made her fall for Rachel just that little bit more.

The credits rolled on the final dance and Quinn saw Rachel try to secretly wipe a small tear from her cheek.

"Aww, Rach. Still gets you, huh?"

"It's just so perfect."

Quinn pulled Rachel into a hug.

"You're such a wuss." She held her for a few moments and then let go, still looking into her eyes. "So you wanna teach me that dance?"

"You were serious?"

"Of course I was. Though I'm not sure we're ready for the lift. Or that you could lift me."

"What makes you think you'd be Baby?"

"Aw, c'mon? You know you're totally Johnny Castle. You have been since you were 8."

Rachel grinned. How had this girl got so close so fast? This girl who'd called her names and laughed as she was slushied was now offering to help her live out her childhood fantasies. No one had ever understood her this well, especially no one she'd only really been friends with for a matter of weeks. She wasn't going to question it though. She took Quinn by the hand and led her toward the basement. She stopped just in front of the door.

"I have to warn you, um, my dads decorated the basement."

"I've been down here before Rachel, for your party."

"I cleared out some stuff for that. I didn't think we'd be going down here so I didn't bother this weekend. Please don't laugh."

"What's in there a wall of naked baby Rachel Berry pictures?"

Rachel didn't reply.

"Oh my god, seriously, is there like a mural or something?"

Rachel still didn't reply she just took Quinn's hand and led her down the stairs.

Along the right hand wall was what could only be described as a shrine. On the floor and the shelves that ran up most of the wall were trophies from dance and singing competitions. In between the trophies were photos of Rachel performing, certificates from exams, rosettes and framed costumes that Rachel must have worn when she could only have been about three years old. Quinn stood and gawped.

"They're quite proud of me, my dads."

"I can tell. How long did it take you to get this stuff down for the party?"

"Most of the afternoon." Rachel bit her lip, hoping Quinn didn't suddenly find her entirely lame.

Quinn moved forward and looked at some of the pictures; Rachel moved to stand just behind her. Quinn picked up one of the framed pictures on a shelf. Rachel was in a pink ballet costume holding a gold trophy, her smile missing a couple of front teeth.

"You were a cutie back then."

Rachel blushed, not sure how to respond to the complement. Quinn put the photo down and turned to Rachel.

"But then that shouldn't really be a surprise." Quinn played with her hands, looking at the floor. Finally she looked up and saw the biggest grin on Rachel's face, she returned the smile.

Rachel knew there was only one thing she could do, she pulled Quinn into her arms and gave her the biggest hug her small frame could manage. They both sunk into the hug, breathing together, holding one another up. It could have been hours or minutes, neither was sure how long they stood like that. Encircling each other, keeping each other together and letting themselves go, it felt a little like forever.

"So am I gonna learn this dance or what?"

Rachel let go and went to move some furniture to give them space, putting the soundtrack into the CD player. She stood in the middle of the room and beckoned Quinn to come stand with her. She put her right hand on Quinn's side and took the girl's right hand in her left. She shivered a little at the touch and pulled back.

"This is my dance space; this is your dance space." Rachel gestured as she said it.

"You've always wanted to say that haven't you?" Quinn smirked.

"Kind of." Rachel admitted.

She resumed the previous position, so aware of every inch of skin that was coming into contact with Quinn. She knew this was a little dangerous, that touching like this could end up with her making a huge mistake. But Quinn had asked and there was no way she could refuse.

Quinn felt the heat in her cheeks as Rachel held her, showing her the moves. Rachel felt so strong moving them around the room, taking her in her arms. She'd never imagined Rachel like this, as the strong one. But she liked it.

They danced and laughed for hours, holding each other close as if it was the most normal thing in the world, the song loosing all it's association with Sam and glee club. At one point when Quinn wasn't quite getting the steps right Rachel stopped them and placed Quinn's hand above her breast, over her heart, her won hand on top.

"It's a feeling, a heartbeat." Rachel said, drumming their fingers against her collar bone and speaking the lines as if they were memories from her own life. Quinn knew exactly what Rachel was doing, the moment she was living out and though she smiled as if she found it funny she hoped Rachel couldn't feel quite how fast her own heart was racing.

Rachel couldn't help doing it, that moment in the movie to her had always been when Baby had fallen in love with Johnny, when she'd realised who the man was in front of her. Though she played it for laughs she hoped Quinn could feel the pace of her heart and see how much this crazy, unexpected moment meant to her.

* * *

By early evening they were both exhausted and had the dance almost down pat. Both knew the day had to come to an end. Quinn had to go home to her mother so she could be there for church in the morning and Rachel had to catch up on her rehearsing. They were standing in the middle of the room, once again enveloped in each other's arms. These long hugs were becoming a habit. Rachel rested her head on Quinn's shoulder not ready to let go. She had no idea what Monday, school, had in store for them. How would Quinn treat her when they were back in the halls of William McKinley not holed up in the safety of the Berry house?

"I should go." Quinn's voice was resigned.

"I guess you should." They still didn't let go.

Eventually Rachel moved, knowing she had to be the stronger one still.

"Thank you Quinn. It's been an amazing day. I can't even…"

"You don't have to. I've had a really good time too."

She went upstairs to get her things and Rachel walked her to the door.

"So Monday…" Rachel said, hoping her voice didn't sound too desperate.

"Monday. I'll see you in class, ok?"

"Sure."

"And by the way, you've got some smooth moves Johnny." With that Quinn turned and walked toward her car.

"You're not going to start calling me that are you?" Rachel called after her.

Quinn looked over her shoulder as she got to her car.

"I think I just might. It suits you." And with that Quinn got in her car and drove off.

Rachel walked back in and leaned against the door frame sighing.

"Oh Rachel Barbra Berry, you've got it bad."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N so this chapter took a while because I've been crazy busy. Once again thanks for all the reviews/comments, hopefully you'll like where this chapter goes.**

From the moment her alarm had interrupted her sleep until she got to the front doors of school, Quinn had been apprehensive. All Sunday night she'd been thinking about what she would do when she saw Rachel. Strictly speaking they were friends, nothing had changed. So what if they'd spent an amazing 24 hours together. 24 hours where she'd learnt more about Rachel than she'd ever imagined. 24 hours where she'd felt more herself than she had in years. They were still just friends, this didn't have to change anything. Except things somehow felt different. Most of Sunday all she'd thought about was Rachel, how it felt to hold her, to laugh with her, to be herself with her. The thoughts made her feel warm and safe; even now just thinking about thinking about her she could feel the smile tugging at her lips. She may not have been ready to do anything about it and definitely not ready to say it, but she was now almost certain she was falling for Rachel Berry. And if thinking about her caused Quinn to grin like an idiot surely the moment she saw Rachel in the halls her feelings would be obvious to every other student in the school. And that thought terrified her. She had briefly considered trying to avoid Rachel completely and therefore avoid all the problems surrounding their friendship. But then she imagined the look Rachel would get if Quinn just walked straight past her in the hallway and even imaginary sad Rachel broke her heart. She couldn't do that, make Rachel feel worthless. Quinn took a deep breath and opened the door.

Rachel had been equally concerned. They had left things on such a good note on Saturday, Rachel sure that Quinn was ok with them being friends in public, but now the moment of truth had arrived and she mentally prepared to herself to at least be ignored. A tentative public friendship had been building between them for a while but she knew Quinn well enough now to know that things could change quickly. When Quinn was scared she ran and there was no doubt this was going to be scary for her. But they were just friends, sure friends that liked to touch a lot, and maybe flirt even more, but still just friends, and that shouldn't be too shocking for the student body of William McKinley High. After all, these days Quinn was nearly just another glee nerd; there should be no problem with her hanging out with another of her show choir losers.

Quinn saw Rachel first; she was at her locker, eyes trained on the door, pretending to get her books ready. Santana was talking about some reality show her and Brittany had watched the other night but Quinn had barely been listening. As soon as she saw Rachel walk in she smiled just a little. Santana turned to see what had caused the change in Quinn's face.

"You guys sorted your shit over the weekend then?"

"Hmm?" Quinn realised she had been addressed.

"You and Berry, you all hunky dory now?"

"Yeah, we hung at her place over the weekend."

"You get some?"

Quinn blushed

"No San, we're just friends. We hung out, watched some movies, talked."

"Mooned more like."

"Whatever, just don't talk like that in front of Rachel."

"Fine. I'll pretend you're all platonic and shit, like I care."

Rachel approached them both with a smile and a nod.

"Quinn, Santana, how are you both on this fine morning?"

"I'm good, Rach, how are you?" As Quinn replied Santana, who was standing a little behind Rachel, mouthed the word 'Rach?' with her eyebrows lifted. Quinn mouthed 'shut up' in response.

"I'm great thank you."

"God, you are too much to handle in the morning. I'm gonna go find Britt."

With that Santana turned and left, leaving the girls alone.

"I missed you." Quinn said in a voice that was almost a whisper.

"I missed you too. How was church?"

"Same as usual. Would have rather been at yours."

"I don't know. We played our own musicals version of Trivial Pursuit and then had a vegan barbecue."

"OK, maybe church wasn't so bad."

Quinn grinned and Rachel swatted at her arm. Quinn looked up and realised no one was looking at them at all. She wondered what she'd been so worried about. Most of the kids at school had their own stuff to deal with, two girls from glee club hanging out with each other was going to rank pretty low on the 'stuff worth talking about' scale.

"It's going to be OK Quinn, no one's going to say anything about us being friends. I might not be popular, but people still know who you are and they know not to mess with you. They'll probably just think you're taking pity on me."

Quinn turned to look at Rachel.

"How do you read my mind sometimes?"

"I'm a little psychic." Rachel said with a straight face.

"Sure." Quinn rolled her eyes playfully.

Their conversation was stopped by the bell ringing for first period. Rachel smiled and checked her bag to make sure she had her books.

"I should go. I'll see you in chem later." She was already starting to walk away, never one to be even a little late for class.

"Yeah." Quinn replied, Rachel was already a good few feet away and had turned away from her. "Hey Johnny," Quinn called after her and Rachel looked back over her shoulder. "It's not pity."

They smiled at each other, Quinn because she was feeling bolder than she thought she would and Rachel internally jumping for joy at the use of her new nickname.

* * *

They didn't see each other again until third period Chemistry but that didn't mean they hadn't been in contact. Between class texting (because cell phones weren't allowed during class and Rachel did not disobey school rules) had kept them up to date on how the other's day had been going. Quinn got to class after Rachel, obviously, and sat down next to her with a sigh.

"History didn't get any more exciting?"

"No. Just more homework. I swear they want us to never have social lives."

"Homework is important for helping solidify the knowledge you gain throughout the school day. It's been proven that…"

"Rach, please, not now. I'm crying for the loss of my weekend. A weekend I could have spent hanging out with my homework loving friend but now must spend with George Washington."

"Well when you put it like that." Rachel giggled a little and it made Quinn's heart skip. She started to look around the room again; sure people would pick up on their flirting. They had been lab partners for weeks but surely their new closeness was visible to everyone. No one was even looking in their direction.

"Relax, I told you, no one's going to see anything weird. We're friends."

Quinn could hear the slight reservation in Rachel's voice at her last statement. She was going to reply but the teacher walked in and class began.

The whole class was spent with their teacher introducing a new topic so there was little chance for the two girls to talk anymore. Halfway through Rachel saw Quinn scribbling something on a scrap of paper which she then folded in half and slid over to her.

_Hey Johnny,_

_You're more than just a friend._

_X_

_Q_

Rachel folded the paper back over and placed it in between the pages of her text book. She didn't look at Quinn, knowing that while their friendship might not raise eyebrows the look she'd give Quinn if she looked at her now would be a different matter. Instead she drew a small smiley face in the corner of her notebook and turned the page to face Quinn.

Soon class ended and the girls walked out of the room not saying a word, the silence between them comfortable. They both started to turn in opposite directions, each having somewhere to be.

"Glee?" Quinn asked.

"Glee." And with that they walked to their next classes.

* * *

By the time she got to glee practice Quinn was pretty much over her fear that whole school would find her friendship with Rachel fascinating. It was almost with a little sadness that she realised most of the kids at school didn't really care about her anymore. There was still residual respect, but there were new people taking the top spots and maybe that was a good thing. She walked into the choir room and sat next to Santana and Brittany. Rachel had yet to arrive, her last class obviously running over for some reason. When she finally did walk in Quinn gestured for her to come sit with them. Santana gave her a look but she ignored it.

"Hey."

"Hey, how was sociology?"

"Fine. But Mr. Worth wouldn't let us go until he had organised the presentations for next week. I tried to explain I couldn't be late for glee, but apparently my unblemished record of punctuality is of no interest to him."

"Rach, it's OK, you still made it on time."

"Well of course, but only because I rushed."

Quinn put her hand on Rachel's shoulder and squeezed lightly, leaning in so she could talk quietly into Rachel's ear.

"Breathe, Johnny, Mr Schue isn't even here yet."

Rachel relaxed at the gesture that was a little more intimate than she expected in public.

"Get a room." Santana spoke just loud enough that she knew Quinn and Rachel could hear. Quinn whipped round to look at her through angry eyes.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing Q. Just clearing my throat." Quinn was starting to realise that maybe confiding in Santana had not been the best idea. The Latina had never been able to resist getting a dig in. It wasn't malicious it was just her nature. Quinn was going to say something but Will walked in and called for the start of practice.

* * *

As they finished up Quinn walked over to Rachel who looking through her bag for something.

"Hey, Rach?"

"Yeah? Rachel didn't look up, still distracted by whatever she was looking for.

"Wanna come over to mine this afternoon and do that chem homework?" Quinn blurted the sentence out as quickly as she could, not sure what response she was going to get from Rachel. After all, their first attempt to go there to do homework had not gone well.

Rachel turned to face Quinn and saw the trepidation in her eyes. She replied with a smile.

"That sounds like a great idea Quinn. I just have to find my notebook, I was sure it was in here somewhere."

"It's in your locker."

"Huh? How do you know?"

"You texted me this afternoon that you put it in there so that you wouldn't forget it and that were you to be distracted I should remind you that's where it was. I guess you've been distracted." Quinn raised an eyebrow.

"I guess maybe I have. But note I still had the forethought to make sure my distraction wouldn't have detrimental effects. I'll go get it and I'll meet you at your car." Rachel poked Quinn gently in the centre of her chest and headed out of the room.

Quinn walked to her car and waited, lent up against it, for Rachel to make her way over.

"Waiting for someone?" She hadn't noticed Santana come up behind her.

"Yeah, Rachel. We're headed to mine to study."

"That's what you're calling it?"

"Listen San, I talked to you because I thought you could relate, but you really have to stop this. Me and Rach are just friends, honestly. And all this innuendo is driving me crazy. Please, just stop."

"But where's the fun in that?"

"There is none." Quinn's voice was serious.

"I'll think about it."

"Thank you." She smiled gently at her friend, hoping Santana saw that this really would mean a lot to her.

"So have you told her?" Santana asked.

"Have you?"

"I've got nothing to tell Berry."

"I mean Britt." Quinn knew Santana knew exactly what she meant, she was just playing dumb.

"No. And it's not that simple."

"Well neither is what's going on with me and Rachel. But you making jokes all the time is only making it harder."

"Fine. But only if you let this shit about me and Britt go."

"OK, but I still think you're being an idiot."

"Fine. But if you guys get too obvious I'm still gonna call you out."

"I wouldn't expect anything else."

Quinn saw Rachel coming out of the building and waved so that Rachel could see where she was.

"Have fun _studying."_

Quinn stared at her.

"Last one, I promise. See you tomorrow Q."

"See you later, San. Say hi to Britt for me."

Santana walked toward her own car as Rachel arrived at Quinn's.

"You ready to go?"

"Sure. What did Santana want?"

"Nothing much."

They got in the car and Quinn turned the radio to a local top 40 station, knowing it was bound to play something Rachel would want to sing along to. The second 'Firework' started Rachel was singing at full volume, throwing her head back and dancing in her seat. Quinn couldn't help but laugh. Who was this girl?

When they got to Quinn's house she stopped outside her front door.

"I don't know what kinda mood my mom's going to be in. So I want to apologise upfront in case she says anything bad."

"Quinn, you don't have to apologise for you mom."

"Maybe not, but still…"

"Quinn, it's fine. Come on."

She motioned for Quinn to open the door. They walked in, leaving their coats in the foyer and headed to the kitchen. Quinn grabbed them both a soda and was pleased to find no sign of her mom, maybe she was taking a nap. They headed with their bags up to Quinn's room.

As Rachel walked through Quinn's house it seemed remarkably sparse. There was stuff, ornaments, furniture, but none of it seemed that personal. It made Rachel's house seem cluttered. There was one painted portrait of the Fabray family on the wall above a large fireplace and a couple of framed photos on end tables but everything seemed very poised. It felt like a show home.

"Not much like your house is it?"

"No." Rachel didn't know what else to say.

Quinn walked into her room, Rachel following behind. She could instantly feel the difference. Quinn's room was pink with floral patterned wallpaper. On one side of her bed was a tall bookcase full of books and CDs. On her nightstand stood a photo of the glee club taken at the same time as the yearbook photo. The mirror on Quinn's dresser had photos tucked around the edges, Quinn with San and Britt, Quinn with Finn when they must have been about 14, Quinn holding Cheerios trophies. Instinctively Rachel walked over to the bookcase and ran her finger along the spines at eye level. She had no idea Quinn read so much.

"I had a lot of spare time towards the end of my pregnancy. I spent about 2 months on my ass. Which I'm pretty sure is still obvious."

"Nonsense, you have a great ass." Both girls blushed.

"See you do know when to use the word." Quinn winked and sat down indian style on her bed, her bag next to her. "We should get started on this homework."

* * *

They worked for about an hour, taking longer than they should have because Quinn kept stopping to skip songs on her iTunes or make fun of Rachel's concentrating face. They were almost done when they heard a crash from down the hall. Quinn sighed.

"Mom's up." She got up to go see what was going on. Rachel tried to follow but Quinn gestured for her to stay. She walked down the corridor and found her mom by a small table on the landing, rubbing her shin.

"I'm sure that wasn't there before. Have you been moving the furniture Quinnie?"

"No Mom, that was always there."

"Hmm. Anyway dear, I've made some dinner."

"Oh. My friend Rachel's here so don't worry about it."

"Well she can join us then. I can't remember the last time one of your friends was here."

"Mom…" Before Quinn could finish Judy had walked to Quinn's bedroom and opened the door.

"Rachel. So good to see you again. Won't you join us for dinner?"

"If it's not too much trouble." Quinn could hear the caution in Rachel's voice and went to try and rescue the situation.

"Mom. It's OK, we should just finish studying and then we'll get something later."

"Nonsense. It's already done. Come on, you can study after."

"Mom…"

"Quinn, no arguments."

Quinn lowered her head, sighed and started to walk after her mom, Rachel following behind. They sat at the table in the dining room while Judy brought the food through and set it in front of them. Chicken.

"Oh Mom, Rachel's a vegan. Maybe we should just…"

"Well she can eat everything but the chicken can't she? I don't see why this has to be a big deal."

"No she can't do that Mom, it's not just some whim. She's a vegan and it's important to her!"

"I'm sure Rachel doesn't mind."

Rachel kept her head down and didn't answer.

"Well I mind. She's my friend and you need to respect who she is!"

"It's just dinner, Quinnie. No need for all this drama." Judy was keeping an even tone, hoping to dismiss her daughter's emotional outburst.

"It's always _just _something. I can't do this anymore. I can't let you keep sweeping things under the rug and pretending they're OK. You never listen; you never know anything about what I might want, what I might need. You act like we're fine now because I'm back under your roof but we're less of a family than we've ever been, and that's saying something. Do you care at all or am I back here because it doesn't look good for your daughter to be living at someone else's house!"

Quinn was shouting, tears punctuating the angry words directed at her mother. Judy tried to reach a hand out to her daughter but Quinn pushed her away and ran up the stairs to her room. Judy turned to Rachel.

"I don't know what gets into her sometimes. I do apologise."

Rachel didn't want to tell her that it wasn't her the woman should be apologising to. She stood and motioned toward the stairs.

"I should go check on her."

Rachel knocked gently on the door before entering the room. Quinn was sat on the bed sobbing, holding a photo in her hand. Rachel sat next to her and placed her arm around Quinn's shoulder, pulling her in. The photo was Quinn, probably about two years previously. She was standing next to her dad, a sled at their feet and both of them wearing huge grins.

"I know he was a bastard but sometimes I miss him. I miss what we were before I screwed it all up."

"You made one mistake. He was the one that screwed things up. He didn't have to do what he did."

"I know. And I should hate him. But he's my dad, you know? I just want him to love me. My mom was better when he was around. Now I know when she sees me she sees the reason why dad left."

"I thought he had an affair?"

"Sure. But maybe if I hadn't let him down he would have wanted to keep this family." The tears became stronger again and Quinn couldn't believe she was letting Rachel see her like this. No one got to see her like this. Rachel gently rubbed her arm to try and sooth her.

"Shhh, it's OK. It's not your fault, it's not."

"This is the last good photo I have of us. Since I was little dad used to take me sledding after the last snowfall of winter. One last hurrah before spring came. I always spent summers with Britt and San, but they hated the cold so winter was for me and my dad. But last year I wasn't really in any condition to sled. Dad wouldn't have gone with me anyway."

Quinn turned and wrapped her arms around Rachel's neck and sobbed into her shoulder.

"It's OK, Quinn, I promise."

Rachel continued to reassure Quinn, holding her close and not letting go until she felt Quinn's sobs subside. Quinn was the first to pull away.

"I'm sorry. I'm such a mess. You must think I'm an idiot." Quinn hung her head. Rachel lifted Quinn's chin and tucked some stray hair behind the blonde's ear.

"No apologies. We're friends and I'm here for you whenever you need me."

"Thanks, Rach."

"Any time." She smiled and Quinn weakly smiled back.

"Look at the time. You should probably be going." Quinn straightened up and got up off the bed.

"If you're sure you're OK."

"I'll be fine."

"If you're sure." Rachel stood and picked up her bag. "Call me if you need anything."

"I will."

They quickly hugged again and Rachel walked out and down the stairs. Quinn sat there for a while, the tears drying on her face. She'd never let herself be vulnerable like that in front of anyone, not even when she'd been pregnant. That kind of emotion was reserved for private. But somehow Rachel had made her feel like she was safe to be that open with her. Rachel had seen the worst of her and she hadn't run away.

Rachel was glad of the walk home. She hated to see Quinn like that, so broken. She knew Quinn had problems, things she still hadn't dealt with from last year, but she didn't know they were so raw. She wanted to take her out of it all, give her a place where she would always feel loved and wanted. She wanted to wrap Quinn up in her arms forever and never let her go. She would have to find a way to show Quinn just how loved she was.

* * *

Over the next few weeks Quinn and Rachel spent more and more time together. At first a few people were surprised by how fast the two had become inseparable but Rachel seemed less quick to complain about everything and Quinn less snarky so no one was going to say anything. Seeing them together at lunch or walking together between classes had pretty much become a given. Every few days they'd head back to their old gangs, Quinn spending lunch with Brittany and Santana, Rachel catching up with Tina and the other glee guys or having some practice time to herself in the choir room. Somehow they had managed to incorporate their new friendship into the rest of their lives without causing too much disruption.

One Friday Quinn went to get some books from her locker and a note fell out.

_Meet me outside school at 10am tomorrow._

_I want to show you something._

_X_

_J_

Quinn knew it was from Rachel, they'd taken to calling her Johnny in notes. She liked having a nickname to call Rachel that had nothing to do with the torment previous nicknames had caused and everything to do with how much she loved getting to know the girl. Quinn wondered what the hell Rachel could have planned at school on a Saturday morning. But she'd learned never to bother asking because Rachel was obsessed with surprises and had a mouth was like a vice when it came to secrets. They both had plans that night so there was no chance to ask her anyway. Before she had too much time to think about it Britt and San arrived and the trio headed out to go to the mall.

Saturday morning Quinn dressed in her warmest clothes. The weather had been getting a little milder but the morning had taken a decidedly bitter turn. She parked in the empty lot, deciding Rachel must have gotten a lift of one of her dads, and headed toward the building. Rachel was waiting for her on the steps outside and waved when she saw her.

"So what's going on that meant you had to drag me back here on a Saturday?"

"You'll see."

Rachel stood and linked arms with Quinn, leading her round the building to a side door. She pulled out a key and unlocked it.

"You have a key to school? Why am I not surprised?"

"Brad gave it to me so I could rehearse on weekends."

Quinn shook her head as they made their way in.

"This place is weird when no one else is around."

"I like it. I like how quiet it is. It feels a bit like it's mine. It's safe."

Quinn realised that while for her these halls had mostly always been hers for Rachel they'd been a place of fear. She pulled the girl a little closer. Rachel stopped when they got to the choir room and opened the door for Quinn.

"Should have known."

Rachel walked toward the paino and sat down, motioning for Quinn to join her.

"So I've been working on this song but I decided I wanted to accompany myself on the piano. I was hoping you could help me learn how to play it."

Rachel looked at her with a slightly worried expression.

"Of course I will. I mean, I'm not that great, but I'd be happy to try."

Rachel smiled broadly and got the sheet music out of her bag.

* * *

"I think you've got it Rach, you really don't need to practice anymore."

Rachel looked at her watch, something she'd been doing all morning, and nodded her head.

"One more run through and then we can stop. Is that OK?"

"Sure."

Quinn smiled as she watched Rachel play, amazed at how quickly the girl had picked up the skill. Her fingers moved deftly across the keys and her face had a serious look of concentration, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. It was a beautiful sight. By now Quinn was used to marvelling over how beautiful Rachel was. Doing homework, walking down the street, eating dinner, she was beautiful no matter what she was doing and Quinn couldn't help but stare. Especially as she knew Rachel had no idea quite how breath-taking she was. Over the weeks Quinn had tried to see if she could see the same beauty in other girls. She'd watched them in class or when she was at the mall, but none of them captured her the way Rachel did. Whatever this attraction was to Rachel it really was just her. Although she'd never tell Rachel that, the girl had a big enough ego as it was. Rachel finished another flawless run through and looked up at Quinn triumphantly.

"I think we're done here." Rachel beamed.

She enjoyed playing the piano; she'd never really tried before. More than that she enjoyed being taught by Quinn. She liked how she moved her fingers into place, gently showing her how much pressure she needed to use, patiently listening at the endless mistakes she made at first, encouraging her with suggestions and smiles. She wished more people knew this Quinn, the Quinn that was kind and understanding. She had wondered if she'd really be able to drag this piano lesson out for more than two hours, but she was enjoying it so much the time passed in an instant. One last look at her watch and she knew it was pretty much time. She would give it a few more minutes and then pray that the men she had put her faith in to make this go right hadn't lied to her.

Rachel stood and took Quinn's hand.

"Are we going home then? Maybe we could head to yours for a bit?"

"We're not going home just yet. Come on. Follow me."

Rachel kept hold of Quinn's hand and led her down a corridor toward the other end of school.

"OK, where the hell are we going?"

"Just trust me, OK?"

"OK."

They got to small door and Rachel opened it, moving behind Quinn so that the blonde would exit first.

She walked out the door and was startled by the sunlight bouncing off a thick blanket of snow, flakes still gently falling from the sky.

"Rachel, it's beautiful out here, I thought it wasn't meant to snow again."

"I don't know which meteorologists you trust, but you really should think about switching your allegiances."

"You mean you knew?"

"Why do you think I was keeping you in the choir room all morning?"

"I just thought you wanted me to help you learn the song."

"That was just a beneficial by-product of my plan. Come on."

She took Quinn's hand and led them down the steps in front of the door. They were in a secluded part of the school grounds, trees surrounding a patch of grass now entirely hidden by the morning's snowfall. Quinn stood, head back letting the snow fall on her face. She squeezed Rachel's hand.

"It's so perfect, all white and untouched," Quinn's voice was coloured by wonder. She felt the slight prick of tears at the corners of her eyes, but now was not the time to cry. She looked at Rachel and raised an eyebrow. "Wanna make snow angels?"

Rachel laughed as Quinn pulled her into the centre of the clearing and lay down on the ground.

"I haven't done this since I was about 6, won't you get your coat wet?" Rachel protested.

"Sure. But it'll dry. Come on."

Rachel relented and lay near Quinn moving her outstretched arms back and forth against the snow.

"I think I'm done, what do you think?" Quinn stood to admire her work and Rachel followed.

"Yours is better because you have longer limbs, mine looks like a midget angel."

Quinn turned and took Rachel's hands in hers.

"I like your midget angel, and you have very nice limbs." She laughed a little at the ridiculousness of the statement. She pulled Rachel in for a hug. "You're cold."

"Well I have just been lying in the snow."

Quinn pulled her in closer to keep her warm, another one of their hugs that went on for what seemed like forever. One of their hugs where Quinn was scared to let go because she didn't want to stop the feeling she got when Rachel was in her arms and because she was scared she was going to fall if Rachel wasn't there to hold her up. She pulled back a little and looked at Rachel, snow in her hair. This girl had spent a morning keeping her busy just so she could be standing here in the last perfect snowfall of winter. So that she could try and erase last year and make this moment special again. Quinn wondered what she'd done to ever be this lucky. She placed her hand under Rachel's chin, the heat running through her staving off any effects from the cold. She looked Rachel in the eye and felt Rachel looking back, noting the way she swallowed slowly.

"Thanks," Quinn whispered before she closed the gap between them and brought her lips to Rachel's, it was the only way she could think to express all that she was feeling. The kiss wasn't hurried but it wasn't chased, it was gentle and loving. It felt like no kiss Quinn had ever felt before. Rachel's lips were soft and tasted just a little of cherry, they were full but pliant and the feeling sent electricity to the ends of her fingers and the tips of her toes.

Rachel was a little shocked. She'd wanted this, she'd even hoped that maybe this small gesture would have just this outcome but she hadn't let herself really believe it would happen. But there she was kissing Quinn Fabray under the last snowfall of winter. She had imagined what this would be like, the feel of the girl's lips, the touch of her hand on the back of her neck, but the reality was so much more. She felt like all she was were her lips and her fingertips. Quinn's kiss was firm but giving, as if all she wanted was for Rachel to feel her love. The blonde had one hand on Rachel's hip and the other at the nape of her neck and she felt she could melt into that touch. The feeling made her bold and she opened her mouth just a little. Quinn understood the gesture and took Rachel's bottom lip between her teeth lightly and ran her tongue along it. Rachel moaned involuntarily and she could feel Quinn's smile against her lips. In response Rachel let her tongue venture out, probing lightly. It was Quinn's turn to moan and Rachel felt like she had evened the score in what she hoped would be a long series of battles.

They eventually parted, resting their foreheads against one another's, eyes closed.

"Thank _you_" Rachel said with a smirk. Quinn swatted her arm and smiled. But then her face turned pensive and she looked Rachel deep in the eyes.

"I'm not gay." It wasn't a denial, it wasn't an attempt to push Rachel away, it was just the truth.

"I don't need you be anything apart from mine."

"I think I can do that."

**A/N They finally kissed, huh? About time. This chapter is maybe a little more filler than I wanted, but there needed to be more lead-up. The next one's going to be more fun, promise.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N As always, thanks for all the alerts and comments/reviews. You guys are awesome and I'm glad you liked the kiss. This chapter is almost all post-kiss fluff with a little angst!Quinn.**

They stood like that for a while longer, just breathing and holding one another. Both girls felt like there was no other place in the whole world outside of their arms. Rachel shivered a little.

"You're getting cold." Quinn spoke just above a whisper, not wanting to disrupt the moment.

"No. I'm fine."

Quinn opened her eyes and removed her hand from Rachel's back to tip up the girl's chin so she could look her in the eyes.

"Come on. It's freezing out here. Let's go back inside. I don't want you catching a cold and not be able to sing."

Rachel sighed reluctantly and moved out of Quinn's arms. She was worried that if they moved the spell of the moment would be broken and they'd go back to where they were before. She couldn't help but worry that as soon as they moved things would change again, that she would lose this. She was interrupted from indulging in her fears when Quinn laced her fingers through hers and guided them back up the stairs into the school. Rachel clasped Quinn's hand firmly, hoping the blonde would realise that this was it now, there was no letting go.

They headed back into the choir room and Rachel went to sit at the piano, pulling Quinn with her. She let Quinn's hand go and turned so that they were facing each other. They sat for a moment just looking at each other, both somewhat in awe of the other and the fact that they could do this now, just stare at each other, unashamed. Quinn reached out and pushed some hair behind Rachel's ear.

"Hey." Quinn smiled as she said it.

"Hey." Rachel returned the smile, blushing a little. She breathed in and moved back slightly. She could see a small look of concern on Quinn's face.

"I want to see you play something."

Quinn looked a little confused.

"Why?" Quinn inched closer to Rachel, her lips just inches from the other girl's, "When we could be doing this?" Quinn attempted to close the gap but Rachel moved her head back.

"I like watching you play."

"Hmmm", Quinn liked that Rachel enjoyed watching her do something she loved but she wondered why all of a sudden Rachel was so reluctant to kiss her, had she not liked the last one? "Is something wrong Rach?"

"No." Rachel looked into Quinn's eyes with a new seriousness. "It's just I've known for a while that when I finally did kiss a girl it would be amazing. Or at least I hoped it would be. Without having done it I just knew it was something I wanted. And that kiss? Well that exceeded my expectations. It was…it was indescribable. But I know what this means for you Quinn, I know how scary this must be. So I don't want to rush it. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or like I'm expecting things from you. We have all the time in the world and I still want to do this at you pace."

"Indescribable, huh? Guess I've finally got you speechless." Quinn smirked and Rachel rolled her eyes. "Look, I was a Cheerio, hell, head Cheerio for some time. I've kissed a lot of people."

Rachel wasn't sure where this was going but she started to steel herself for the 'this doesn't have to mean anything' speech. Quinn could see the look on Rachel's face change and she tried to word what she was saying as carefully as possible, holding the brunette's gaze.

"Ok, so all the kisses were with boys, but still, I've done my fair share of kissing. And believe me it would make my life so much easier if the kiss we just shared had felt wrong. But it didn't. It just made all other kisses feel wrong. It _was_ indescribable, Rachel."

Rachel started to smile, relieved that this speech wasn't going the way she thought it would. Quinn brought her hand up and cupped Rachel's cheek.

"And if you find something this good, why would you ever want to stop?"

That was all Rachel needed, she closed the gap between them, bringing them together for a searing kiss. Quinn's hand stayed on her cheek, her thumb gently running over Rachel's cheekbone as their lips found their natural rhythm. They breathed in unison, taking it in turns to bite and suck on the other's lips as if compromise were something they were well versed in. Tongues explored and gentle moans escaped as both girl's realised they might just have found their favourite thing in the whole world. They eventually parted, the kiss devolving into quick pecks and giggles.

"You are quite the charmer, Quinn Fabray."

"I try." Quinn let her gaze drift over the room for a moment. "Geez, who'd have thought you and me would end up making out in here."

"You and I."

Quinn turned her head to look at Rachel again, one eyebrow raised.

"The correct grammar is 'you and I'."

"Will you always be a mood killer?"

"Probably." Rachel grinned and Quinn couldn't help but laugh.

"Guess I'm going to have to try extra hard to overcome it." Quinn's tone had turned flirty.

"Guess you are." And with that they were kissing again as if their mouths were opposing magnetic poles.

* * *

By mid-afternoon Quinn had run through ever song she still remembered how to play on the piano. Most of the time Rachel would sing along, a smile plastered on her face. In between songs their lips would gravitate toward one another again, leaving them both a little breathless before Rachel would beg Quinn to play another song, grinning happily as she watched the brunette's fingers move over the keys.

As Quinn finished a rendition of 'The Scientist' she looked up to tears brimming at the edge of Rachel's eyes. She brought her hand up to Rachel's cheek once more.

"Aww, honey, what's wrong?"

"It's just a really sad song."

"Ok. No more sad songs. I don't want you crying. Not today. Actually, no more songs at all, I think that's everything I know how to play."

"You're going to have to learn more then."

"I suppose I am."

They kissed again, not the heated kisses from earlier, but a gentle, familiar kiss. One that spoke of the knowledge they both shared, that this was just the start.

Moving back just a little, still holding her face inches from Rachel's, Quinn cleared her throat.

"We should get going. I don't know about you, but I'm starving."

Rachel suddenly realised she hadn't eaten since breakfast and the mention of food made her notice how hungry she was.

"Me too."

"Then, Miss Rachel Berry, would you do me the honour of accompanying me to an early dinner at Bread Stix?"

"Why Miss Fabray, it would be rude to turn down such an invitation." They both chuckled and stood up from the piano seat, Quinn offering her arm for Rachel to take.

They pulled up in the parking lot at Bread Stix and Quinn took a quick survey of the cars around them, she didn't see anyone she recognised. Feeling safe she leant over and quickly kissed Rachel on the lips.

"That was to hold me over until we get out of the restaurant again." With that she opened the door and got out of the car, waiting for Rachel to join her. As Rachel approached Quinn stuffed her hands in her coat pockets, knowing that if she didn't she would end up holding the girl's hand, it seemed to happen without her thinking. The last thing she needed was someone from school seeing her walk up to a restaurant on a Saturday night holding Rachel's hand. The gossip would be round the school before the first bell on Monday morning.

They were seated in a booth opposite each other and both started to peruse the menu straight away, they really were hungry. Within seconds Rachel had slapped her menu back down on the table and declared she was done.

"That was quick."

"Well this restaurant doesn't have an extensive vegan selection."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want to go somewhere else?" Quinn put down her menu and looked at Rachel.

"No, it's fine. The salads here are really good."

"As long as you're sure."

"I'm sure, Quinn. Now choose so we can order. I'm hungry." Rachel smiled and Quinn looked back at her menu.

"Ok, I think I'm done." She put her menu down and started to look around for their waitress. The place was pretty busy but luckily she didn't see anyone she recognised. Not that her having dinner with a friend was that weird, she just didn't want to risk it. While she was distracted scoping out the other diners Rachel reached across the table and placed her hand on top of Quinn's. The blonde quickly turned to look at Rachel, surprised.

"Um, Rach. We're in public." Quinn spoke in hushed tones.

"No one's here."

"Rach…" Quinn was interrupted by the waitress coming back to their table. She pulled her hand away from Rachel's and used picking up her menu again as an excuse. She could see the hurt look on Rachel's face but tried to ignore it as she attempted to order without looking like she'd just been caught doing something wrong. Deep down she knew she wasn't doing anything wrong. Far from it, kissing Rachel might just have been one of the few right things she'd ever done. But her fear was deep-seated. She wasn't ready for someone from school or, heaven forbid, church to see her holding hands with a girl over dinner. She knew she had to work on it but she'd only kissed a girl for the first time a few hours ago, it was going to take a little time. She just hoped Rachel could be patient.

Rachel saw the look of shame that coloured Quinn's face when the waitress arrived. She didn't want to be upset, she knew all the reasons for Quinn's fear, but it still hurt a little. She tried not to show it though, it wasn't fair. This was still new and scary for Quinn and she really did want to make whatever it was they were doing as unscary as possible. If they were going to be together she knew they were going to have to take it slow and she was going to have to wait for Quinn to be ok with it. But at that moment Rachel couldn't help but wish that she could hold Quinn's hand and lean over the table and kiss her, let the world know there was a girl who just might fall in love with her. But now was not that time. The waitress left with their orders and Rachel tried to hide her disappointment for Quinn's sake.

"So do you have any plans for Sunday?" Rachel asked casually. Quinn was so glad that Rachel was steering this conversation into safe waters. How had she been so lucky to find a girl this understanding without her having to say a word?

"There's a thing a church all day, the Sunday school are putting on a show or something."

"So you'll be busy all day?"

"'fraid so."

"I won't see you 'til Monday?"

"Nope." Quinn shrugged apologetically.

"I thought I was OK with God, but I'm not sure I like him now."

"Hey, don't blame God, blame my pastor." They smiled at each other both aware that the idea of spending a whole day without each other had suddenly become a truly horrible prospect.

The food arrived and they chatted as they ate, comfortable and happy in each other's company. When the check came Quinn reached first and snatched it away before Rachel had the chance to grab it.

"I asked, I pay." Quinn said in reply to Rachel's pout.

"OK," Rachel huffed, "But don't think you're going to keep paying for stuff. I'm not some little girl who needs to be taken care of."

"I know that. Just let me pay for dinner, OK?"

"Fine. Who knew you were such a gentleman?" Rachel smirked a little.

"Oh no, this is not turning into some gender thing, Johnny."

"No fair." It sounded like an argument but both girls were grinning.

"Anyway, consider this a thank you."

"What are you thanking me for Quinn?"

"Today." She stood up, left some money on the table and gestured for Rachel to follow as she walked out of the restaurant. They got in Quinn's car and before she started the engine she turned to Rachel, feeling less scared now the sun had set and parking lot was mercifully dark. She leant forward, reaching her hand out to lift Rachel's chin up and kissed her firmly. As Quinn moved back she took Rachel's hands in hers across the centre console.

"Sorry about in there. I just…"

"It's OK Quinn, I understand."

"I meant it though. Thank you for today. For all of it. For being patient, for waiting for me, for giving me another reason to love the snow. I don't know what I did to…"

"You didn't have to do anything." Rachel leant forward this time, capturing Quinn's lips in a kiss that caught them both a little by surprise by how passionate it was. They eventually parted and Quinn kept hold of Rachel's hands.

"I promise I'll get better. I just need time."

"I know. Stop worrying, it's OK, I promise. As long as you keep kissing me like that I think I can wait a while to hold your hand at Bread Stix."

Quinn chuckled, pecked Rachel on the lips and then let her go to start the engine.

* * *

They arrived at Rachel's within a few minutes and neither wanted to say goodbye, knowing they wouldn't see the other until Monday morning. They both sighed and then laughed at each other's sullen faces.

"Look at us. We just had the most amazing day and we look like someone just told us our favourite TV show was cancelled." Quinn was trying to lighten the mood.

"Don't joke. I need my Super Sweet 16 fix." Rachel had a faux serious look on her face. "I'm just gonna miss you. Especially know I have first hand knowledge of exactly what I'm missing."

"Rachel!" Quinn blushed.

"What? All that practice you referred to earlier was obviously beneficial to your technique. You are a truly talented kisser Quinn Fabray."

"You're not so shabby yourself."

Rachel attempted a small bow while still seated in the car.

"I really should get indoors before my dads notice a strange car lurking outside."

"Can a car lurk?"

"shhh." Rachel silenced Quinn with slow kiss. Both wanted more but knew was not the time and place. Eventually Rachel extracted herself, squeezed Quinn's hand and got out of the car. She walked to her front door and turned to see Quinn watching her. She blew a kiss and Quinn caught it and then pressed her hand to her heart. Rachel felt her own heart flutter and her breath catch. The day had been more than she could ever have imagined.

By the time Quinn pulled up to her own house she'd already received three texts, she was pretty sure they were from Rachel. She went into the house and straight up to her room and checked her phone.

_I forgot to say thank you back there, which is very impolite. So thank you. X_

_I hope you're drive home was safe. I'm sitting in my room listening to Barbra. X_

_I miss you already. Is that crazy? It probably is. I should stop texting shouldn't I? X_

Quinn smiled to herself, thinking this development in their relationship might make for a really big cell bill.

_You don't have to stop. I miss U already 2. Wish I didnt have 2 go 2 church 2moro. XO_

She closed her phone and went to sit at her computer. She'd been so happy she had forgotten that she hadn't checked Facebook all day.

In Rachel's room the girl had a smile plastered across her face. She'd worried that her text assault might have been a little much; Finn had always been annoyed if she texted too often and he rarely replied. She knew she was much better suited to relationships with girls. She would have wean Quinn off the text speak though; there was no need not to spell properly.

* * *

Sunday saw both girls permanently attached to their phones. Quinn was sitting in the building attached to the church that they used for functions. Her and her mother were watching a play the Sunday school kids had devised on the story of Moses. They had been there two hours already and Judy was getting annoyed that Quinn had barely looked up from her phone once. The constant vibrating of text message alerts was starting to be noticed by other parishioners. She tried to give her daughter a stern look but the girl seemed oblivious, a ridiculous smile never leaving her lips. Judy became a little worried. There must be a boy and she knew where that had ended her daughter last time. The play came to an end and Quinn was at least present enough to clap politely before resume writing another text. Judy turned to her daughter and cleared her throat. Quinn didn't even look up.

"Yeah, Mom?"

"Quinn Fabray put that phone down and look at me." Quinn looked up and saw her mom's angry face.

"Oh. Sorry Mom."

"As you should be. Is there a new boy you should be telling me about Quinn?"

Quinn tried really hard to hide her smirk, knowing that for once she wouldn't have to actually lie to her mother.

"No, Mom, no boy. Just texting Rachel."

"I didn't realise the two of you were that friendly. What could be so important that it has you sending messages for hours?"

"Nothing much. She's just bored so we're chatting."

"Well maybe you could save it for during the breaks at least. You're starting to show me up."

"Sorry Mom. One more and I'll stop."

_Mom's on my back, she says I have to stop txting. Still miss u tho. C u 2moro XO_

Rachel was at home with her fathers and getting equally exasperated looks. They had been to the Farmer's market that morning to try the new vegan bakery stall, bringing back a selection of pastries and cakes to try. Usually Rachel loved an impromptu taste test with her dads, but today she had other things on her mind.

"What do you think of the Blueberry, Rachel?" Hiram asked, hoping to distract his daughter from whoever had kept her attention for the past few hours.

"What Papa?"

"I said did you like the Blueberry? Who's got you all distracted, hon?"

"hmmm?"

"Rachel Barbra Berry, put that phone down and talk to your papa." Leroy had a stern tone to his voice that made Rachel look up and realise she'd been ignoring her fathers.

"Sorry Dad. What were you saying Papa?"

"Who's got you so wrapped up in that phone? Are you and Finn back together?"

"No. It's not Finn. Actually I'm talking to Quinn. She's stuck at a church function and she's really bored."

"She's texting in church?"

"It's not strictly speaking church." Rachel said timidly.

"Still, that doesn't sound very respectful."

"She's having to sit through a bunch of kids do a two hour play about Moses."

"Well why didn't you say? Tell her we hope it's over soon." Leroy chuckled. Secretly he was happy to see his daughter had a friend who seemed to make her this happy.

Rachel received Quinn's message about her mom telling her to stop texting and sent a final reply.

_I'll stop; don't want your mom to be mad at me. Dad says he hopes the play doesn't go on too much longer. Missing you too and can't wait to see you Monday. X_

As soon as Quinn got home she ran up to her room and called Rachel. The girls spent the next two hours on the phone.

* * *

Monday morning arrived and Quinn was nervous. She knew Rachel had said she was ok with keeping their relationship to themselves for now but she still hated not being able to show Rachel exactly how she was feeling. Still, she wasn't ready for the whole world to know that she had romantic feelings for Rachel Berry. They arrived at school at almost exactly the same time, having already sent each other a flurry of texts throughout the morning. Quinn saw Rachel as soon as she got out of her car and the brunette walked over to her.

"Morning."

"Didn't we already do this over text, Rach?"

"Still, it's nice to say it in person." Her eyes glinted a little and Quinn wondered if she was going to be able to take her eyes off the girl all day.

"It is. Good morning."

"Will I be seeing you at lunch today?" Rachel's pretend formality was betrayed by the laugh in her voice.

"I think that can be arranged."

Quinn linked her arm with Rachel as they walked toward school, knowing the gesture was one perfectly acceptable for friends. As they got closer she moved a little away from Rachel. If she thought she'd been scared walking into school knowing she liked Rachel, walking into school knowing what it was like to kiss her was a whole different ball game. She squeezed the brunette's hand before letting it go and opening the door so the other girl could walk in before her. They had discussed this; Rachel had made them a plan. So then why did it feel like a hundred Cheerios try-outs rolled into one? They would act friendly, just as they had been doing, and try not to draw attention to themselves. No sneaking off to make out because nowhere was really free from gossips in this school. That kind of stuff could be saved for home and secluded public spaces far from the prying eyes of the student body.

It wasn't as easy as it sounded though. Throughout lunch neither girl could help looking at the other and whenever their eyes would meet both would blush or smirk or both. Chemistry class was even worse. As lab partners they had to work together, and though they kept the conversation light and friendly, every now and then their hands would brush or their knees would meet under the table. At these moments Quinn would pull away suddenly and Rachel would look at her apologetically before Quinn would offer her own smile of apology and go back to whatever they were supposed to be doing. Quinn was certain everyone could tell something was up, she felt like all eyes were on them. Part of her knew she was being idiotic and paranoid; no one would be able to look at them and know they had kissed, but she still felt self-conscious and she hated how it was making her act. As soon as class ended she told Rachel to meet her at her car.

Quinn waited in her car and was soon joined by Rachel. Before the brunette had a chance to say anything Quinn started.

"I'm sorry about today. I've been a head-case. I promise it won't be like this forever. I'm just adjusting I guess." She bit her lip and looked at Rachel, waiting to hear her disappointment. It never came.

"It's OK, Quinn. I thought it might be like this. When I realised I was gay, and this is not me trying to label you, I'm just relating. Anyway, when I realised I was gay I thought everyone could just see it, like it was suddenly written all over me and everyone would just know. But no one noticed a thing and after a while I wasn't so scared any more. So It's OK, I promise."

"You really need to stop being so understanding, you make me feel like even more of a bitch."

"You're not a bitch."

"You think that now."

Rachel looked intently in Quinn's eyes.

"I think that always."

Quinn fought the desire to kiss Rachel there and then.

"So I was going to walk home as my dads cars are in the shop this afternoon, but if you want to give me a ride you could stay and hang out for a while."

"That sounds perfect." They smiled and Quinn started the car.

* * *

They had been doing homework in Rachel's room for about an hour and Rachel kept scooting closer on the bed. Finally she knelt right in front of Quinn and removed the book she was reading from her hands.

"I don't think I want to do homework anymore." Rachel was wearing a devilish grin.

"Come on Rach, I need to finish that for tomorrow."

"Finish it when you get home." Rachel started to lean in but Quinn moved to the side and tried to pick up her book again.

"Why won't you kiss me?"

"Rach, your dad's are home, what if they were to walk in?"

"So? I'm 16; I think they know I've kissed people before."

"Still. It's not right." Rachel tried to lean in again but Quinn placed a finger on the girl's lips. "I mean it Rachel, not now."

Rachel leant back and pouted to show her annoyance.

"Oh that's not fair." Quinn rolled her eyes, "You know that pout is impossible to resist." Rach simply pouted more, crossing her arms to emphasise it. "Rach, please. Come on." Quinn looked pleadingly at her.

Rachel acquiesced and sat back.

"Ok. I'm sorry Quinn. I suppose I just don't understand why it's a problem. But if you think it is I'll try to restrain myself." She smiled and Quinn gave her a look of thanks. "How about if they go out?"

"The second that door closes those lips are mine." Quinn replied forcefully. Rachel grinned and went back to her homework.

Quinn ended up at the Berry house every night that week and luckily for both girls Rachel's dads were out at dinner for most of Thursday and Quinn kept her promise.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N So this chapter and the next (which will be up soon) were meant to be one chapter but it was getting long so I've split them. Hope you enjoy.**

After three weeks the rules about not making out at school had relaxed a little. Rooms they could lock had become a suitable compromise for both girls. It was Wednesday afternoon and they both had a free period straight after lunch. In order to keep their hormones, and resultant wandering hands, in check they often had lunch separately. It also made the subtle changes in their relationship, that they were sure their friends were starting to notice, a little less obvious. This Wednesday Quinn had eaten with Santana and Brittany and Rachel had joined Mercedes and Tina. They were at opposite ends of the cafeteria but that didn't stop them sharing looks every now and then, so certain they were being subtle. Quinn was picking at a salad with her fork, her eyes roaming over Rachel's jaw as the brunette ate an apple when she felt a sharp jab in her ribs.

"Jesus Quinn, think you could be any more obvious?" Quinn turned to look at Santana, rubbing her side where the Latina had elbowed her.

"Huh?"

"Don't 'huh?' me, I can see you eye-sexing Berry, hell, even Miss Pillsbury would pick up on what you're doing."

"I'm not doing anything." She glared at Santana and motioned with her eyes to Brittany.

"Oh Britt knows all about your troll crush. She asked me if you liked her when she noticed you kick me every time I was harsh about Berry."

"San!"

"It's OK, Quinn, there's nothing wrong with wanting lady kisses. It's like sometimes I want white bread but other days I think whole wheat would be nicer, but it's all still bread, y'know?"

Quinn couldn't help but smile at Brittany and how simple she seemed to make things.

"Just don't tell anyone, OK Britt?"

"I can keep secrets. Like when me and San…"

"Britt, I think that's good for now" Santana interrupted, knowing whatever Britt was going to say she didn't need anyone else to hear it.

Quinn chuckled. She wondered how long her two friends could maintain the complicated relationship they had constructed for themselves. She knew neither of them could be completely happy, being neither together nor apart. But she got the feeling Brittany would wait forever for Santana to get her act together. She wondered how long Rachel would wait for Quinn to be prepared to go public with their relationship. She wanted to tell Santana that it wasn't just a crush anymore, that they were actually together, but the thought terrified her. It was ok telling Rachel how she felt, Rachel had become her best friend, but telling anyone else felt a little too real. Still, she knew she couldn't keep Rachel hanging forever; the girl deserved someone who was proud to claim her as theirs.

"You're staring again, Q. Dammit, girl either do something about it or stop molesting the girl with your eyes."

Quinn was about to reply when Rachel looked up. The brunette smiled and motioned ever so lightly with her head.

"Sorry San, I just remembered, I have to get a book from my car. See you in class?"

"Sure Q. Whatever."

Quinn got up and headed out of the cafeteria. She walked straight toward a room at the other side of the building and opened a non-descript door next to a bank of lockers. It had obviously once been an office of some kind, hence still having a working lock on the inside, but it was now where the English department kept their surplus supply of books. The room housed nothing but bookshelves. Rachel had happened upon it by chance when her teacher had asked her to go and get an extra copy of a book for a student who'd forgotten theirs. Rachel had accidently bumped against the lock when she was trying to reach a high shelf and instantly her thoughts had turned to how useful it would be to have a space in school that could be entirely private. That afternoon she'd walked calmly up to Quinn at her locker and told her she needed to talk to her about something and asked her to follow. Quinn had done so with a puzzled look on her face, even more puzzled when Rachel had opened a random door she'd never noticed before and after looking around, not so subtly pushed her through it. Rachel soon followed and as she closed the door Quinn heard the unmistakable sound of a lock. Before she'd had a chance to ask what was going on Rachel had pushed her against the door and kissed her as if they hadn't seen each other in months.

* * *

Quinn was hunched over slightly, reading the spines of the book on the shelf furthest from the door. She started a little as arms snaked around her waist. She turned and Rachel captured her lips in a kiss.

"You really should stop looking at me like that" Rachel husked as they parted.

"I can't help it. You're really good to look at."

"But you look at me and all I want to do is this." Rachel kissed her again, hard and long.

"Then it's lucky I don't mind you doing that." Quinn ran her hand up and down Rachel's back slowly, her index finger leaving a tingle on the girl's skin even through her sweater.

"But one day I won't be able to control myself until we get here."

Quinn looked down, the mood broken.

"I'm sorry Rach."

Rachel tried to look into Quinn's eyes.

"That wasn't a dig. That was my obviously misguided attempt at being flirty. It seems I still need a little practice in that department. You have to stop thinking I'm angry or disappointed with you. I'm fine. Happy even. And most definitely enjoying my current situation."

"Still. If I was you…"

"You're not though. So stop second guessing me and believe what I tell you."

To push her point home Rachel kissed Quinn again, pulling the blonde's bottom lip between her teeth and running her tongue along it. She threaded her fingers into Quinn's hair and pulled her in as close as she could. She needed Quinn to know how much she meant this. The blonde moaned lightly in response and ran her hands up Rachel's sides, her thumbs brushing the girl's ribs. Quinn might have been terrified to show her affection in public but in private she had been growing more bold by the day. Her right thumb ran along the underside of Rachel's breast for just an instant, shocking both girls a little and causing Rachel to pull back. She breathed out forcefully through lightly parted lips and swallowed.

"Sorry Rach." Quinn looked a little ashamed and surprised by her own actions.

"No apologies Quinn. Just maybe better timing. You were a little engrossed, but I just heard the bell." She smiled reassuringly and straightened her clothes.

"Oh, I forgot it was lunch. You go first and I'll wait, your class is further." Rachel pecked her on the lips and quickly exited the room. Quinn sighed to herself, ran a hand through the hair Rachel had messed up and opened the door. Almost instantly she collided with Santana.

"There you are Q. Where the hell have you been?"

"um…"

"Whatever. I've had enough of your disappearing act these last few weeks. You're coming with me and Britt straight after school."

"But, San…" Quinn couldn't exactly tell her that both Rachel's dads were working late that night and there was something she'd just started in the stock room that she'd really like to continue.

"No buts teen mom. And don't think you can just sneak off after to class to wherever the hell you've been going, cos I'm sticking by your side all afternoon."

Quinn sighed and her shoulders dropped, she knew there was no getting around Santana when she was in one of these moods.

"Fine. Can I at least go to my locker? I'll see you in class."

Santana's mood turned from determined to smug.

"Cool. I'll save you a seat." The Latina winked and walked away.

Quinn headed to her locker and quickly scrawled a note which she posted into Rachel's locker as she passed on her way to class.

_Forgive me Johnny, Satan-tana is forcing me to hang with her and Britt after school and I can't get out of it. I will be thinking of you all afternoon and the way you kissed me just now. I miss your touch already, please call me tonight._

_xQ_

Rachel found the note after class. She was disappointed but then realised it actually gave her time to do something she'd been planning on for the last few days. She wrote a reply and left it for Quinn to find when she returned to her locker at the end of the day.

Quinn walked up to her locker flanked by her former Cheerio friends, she felt a like a prisoner. She opened her locker and saw Rachel's note lying on top of her books. She checked San and Britt were busy talking about something before the surreptitiously opened it, hoping they wouldn't see.

_Quinn,_

_I can't say I'm not disappointed, but we'll have other afternoons, other times where I can have you all to myself and show you a few other things that'll make you want to daydream about me all day. I can't stop thinking about you either. Your hands, your lips, the glint in your eye. _

_I will see you tomorrow._

_xJ_

Quinn folded the note back up and tucked it into the notebook she kept at the back of her locker that housed all the notes from Rachel.

"What you reading, Q?"

"Oh, nothing. Just a note from someone in my chem class about a project we're working on." It wasn't exactly a lie.

* * *

Rachel got back from Puck's a little flustered. She was glad he had been home alone; this wasn't something she wanted anyone else knowing about. Not that it wasn't perfectly normal teen behaviour, but still she imagined people wouldn't approve. Though she rather revelled in doing something others wouldn't expect of her. She put a little 'x' in the corner of her calendar to remind herself that she was meeting him again a week from Friday under the bleachers. This whole thing was so clichéd.

* * *

Friday night had become a de facto date night for the girls, though generally that meant the evening was spent in either of their rooms making out passionately and silently working out how far either of them was ready to go. Rachel was lying on top of Quinn on her bed, they'd got back from school only half an hour before but things were already quite heated. They were kissing; Rachel had her hand under Quinn's top, tracing patterns on her stomach, working her way up inch by inch. Quinn loved the feel of Rachel's fingers on her skin, as if the patterns they traced there would be visible for days. She felt Rachel's hand move upwards and part of her wanted to make Rachel stop, scared where this might go but part of her wanted Rachel to never stop, not ever.

Rachel wasn't sure if she was pushing her luck. She wanted to touch every inch of Quinn, feel her skin shiver under her fingers, feel the soft smoothness of every pale curve and dip. But she also knew she had to take this slow, give Quinn time to wrap her head round all of this. It had still only been a month since they first kissed she couldn't expect Quinn to be ready for more yet. But that didn't mean Rachel wasn't willing to see how far she could push the boundaries. So far Quinn wasn't stopping her northward trajectory. Taking Quinn's bottom lip between her teeth she went the final few centimetres and gently traced the bottom of Quinn's breast with her fingers. Hearing no protest but rather a gentle moan she advanced a little further and cupped the whole of Quinn's breast through the thin material of her bra. She felt Quinn's breath hitch rather than heard it and opened her eyes to make sure Quinn was with her and was OK with this. Quinn's eyes were firmly shut but the fact that her tongue was now in Rachel's mouth made her assume she was ok with where this was going. Rachel slowly began tracing her thumb over a now erect nipple, making Quinn bite down on Rachel's lip. Rachel pulled back, making Quinn open her eyes and stare at Rachel.

"Are you sure you're ok with this?" Rachel asked tentatively.

"I'd tell you if I wasn't." She reached up to try and kiss Rachel again.

"I just don't want you to…I remember hearing the boys talk, I know you like to take things slow."

Quinn just stared at Rachel wishing the conversation could just end because all she could think about were the fingertips still lightly brushing her.

"Those were the boys…"

"So it's different because I'm not a boy?"

"No. It's different because you're you. There's something about you Rachel, you make me feel safe and wanted in equal measure. Somehow Rachel you make me need you. And I'm not ready for much more than this yet, but I'm definitely ready for what we're doing right now. So maybe you could stop worrying and keep doing what you're doing."

Rachel didn't respond, instead she captured Quinn's lips in another kiss and continued the slow exploratory movement of her hand.

Some moments later Rachel's hand was yet to move from its new favourite place but her thigh seemed to have a mind of its own. Somehow it made its way between Quinn's and as the blonde felt the movement between her thighs she gently pulled back from Rachel.

"Ok I think you have to stop" Quinn said through slightly ragged breaths.

"I'm sorry Quinn" Rachel moved back, resting on her side next to Quinn.

"No, it's not that. It's just if you keep doing that I'm going to stop being sensible thinks-things-through-Quinn and become hormone-Quinn and we all know that tends not to work out too well for me."

"I don't think we have to worry about that," Rachel chuckled.

"Still. I don't trust myself around you, with your Johnny Castle magic." Quinn winked and leant over to kiss Rachel again, entwining their fingers to stop either of them wanting to let their hands start to roam again.

Eventually Quinn pulled away and just looked at Rachel, her eyes drinking in the brunette.

"I love when you look at me like that. I feel beautiful when you look at me." Rachel's tone was sincere.

"You are beautiful, Rach, so beautiful. Thank you for letting me take my time. I feel like I'm being unfair, teasing you."

"Hey, I believe just about rounded second base with Quinn Fabray. What in the world could I have to complain about?"

Quinn stared intently into Rachel's eyes again.

"Rachel?"

"Yeah?"

"Be my girlfriend?" Quinn's eyes didn't falter.

"Huh?"

"That wasn't the response I was hoping for."

Rachel's face broke into a broad grin and her eyes lit up.

"Really?"

"Really. I want you to be my girlfriend. I'm not defining my sexuality by this, but that doesn't make it any less real."

Rachel quickly moved up onto her knees and pulled Quinn with her. She embraced the blonde in a tight hug and then pulled back to give her a firm, quick kiss.

"Of course I'll be your girlfriend!"

"I'm still not ready to…"

"We don't have to tell anyone."

"You are an amazing girlfriend Rachel Berry."

"Say it again." Rachel was almost squealing with joy.

"Girlfriend."

Quinn wasn't sure what made her suddenly want to define what they were; Rachel hadn't been pushing for it. But the understanding, caring and passion she'd seen in the girl's eyes in that moment had made it seem like the easiest decision in world. Who wouldn't want to have this amazing girl before her as their girlfriend? Saying it was still a little terrifying but she had the feeling Rachel was going to make her say it a lot so that would probably wear off soon.

Rachel got off the bed and pulled Quinn with her.

"Let's go somewhere and celebrate."

"Can't we stay here and celebrate? I think what we were just doing could be considered…"

"I want to go out. Even if I can't tell anyone I want to be outside with you, around other people."

"Rach…"

"We can go somewhere no one else goes. Please?" Rachel had her puppy dog eyes working at full capacity and Quinn knew there was no saying no to them.

"Fine. But it has to be somewhere no one from school would go."

"I know just the place."

* * *

As they pulled up to roller rink Quinn realised Rachel would know only the lamest places to go on a Friday night. Sure she was falling head over heels for the girl, but when it came to social activities the girl was still in 6th grade sometimes. Rachel had spent the drive over in a bit of a daze. Quinn was her girlfriend, Quinn Fabray. Sure she couldn't shout it from the rooftops yet but she didn't care. Quinn wanted to be with her. Not experiment with her, not see how this felt before she changed her mind, but be with her. Quinn wanted to define what they were doing and claim her as her own. Rachel was having real trouble keeping the grin off her face.

As they walked into the building Quinn looked around and then reached for Rachel's hand. The only people in there were 13 year olds and a gang of college kids who were there ironically. They were safe. They got some skates and headed out into the rink, holding onto each other for support. The DJ mostly played cheesy top 40 music and girls spent an hour goofing off trying to make each other fall over and singing along. Neither could remember the last time they'd laughed like this together in public, perhaps because there had never been one. During a particularly ambitious move, Rachel skating backwards holding onto Quinn's hands, the brunette felt her feet go out from under her and she landed unceremoniously on her butt, pulling Quinn down with her. Quinn was on her knees, leant over Rachel, both trying to catch their breath.

"Oww, that hurt." Rachel pouted.

Quinn looked into Rachel's eyes and moved a lock of the girl's hair off her forehead and placed a quick kiss there.

"Poor baby." Quinn knew she'd never used the term of endearment before but it felt right and seemed to stop Rachel pouting. "Come on Johnny; show me some more of your moves."

She hauled Rachel up and they were soon laughing again.

After going to grab a soda they were back in the rink when the DJ's voice came over the speakers.

"Ok boys and girls, it's that time of the night. Find someone you like, or at least someone who won't fall over, hold them tight and let's dim the lights."

The girls looked around as everyone in the place started to couple up. They looked nervously at one another, neither wanting to make a move in either direction. Finally Rachel decided she had to be decisive if she was ever going to help Quinn get over her fears.

"Quinn, will you dance with me?"

"Rach, I don't know…"

"Look around; there are other same sex couples. People will just think we're friends dancing. Plus we don't know any of them anyway. Please?" Rachel looked pleadingly at Quinn. For once she was asking for something. Quinn knew Rachel was right, no one here knew them or anything about them. This was about her starting to swallow her shame. Hadn't she been the one to define what they were, to ask Rachel to be her girlfriend? She knew she had to stand behind those words, had to be capable of showing people, even if they were strangers, that this girl mattered to her.

"Let's dance."

Rachel took Quinn's hands and placed them around her neck, then put her own hands around the blonde's waist, still leaving a little space between them. It was an awkward first dance, being on skates, but it still felt like a big step. As the song continued they got closer, eventually their bodies leaning against each other. They could feel every movement the other made, their bodies leaving no space between them. They stared into each other's eyes both breathing in the moment of intimacy. The song ended but they stayed entwined, Quinn biting her lip as she looked down at Rachel, so comfortable in her arms. A new song started and a smile played on Quinn's lips.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"I love this song."

As the words started Quinn pulled Rachel in even closer, putting her hands around her waist to keep her held against her body. Rachel rested her head on Quinn's shoulder as the blonde quietly sang along to the lyrics.

_You've got the best of both worlds__  
__You're the kind of girl who can take down a man and lift him back up again__  
__You are strong but you're needy, humble but you're greedy_

_And based on your body language and shoddy cursive I've been reading__  
__Your style is quite selective though your mind is rather reckless__  
__Well I guess it just suggests that this is just what happiness is__. _

_And what a beautiful mess this is__  
__It's like picking up trash in dresses_

Quinn sang the whole song to Rachel as the girl leaned into her neck, feeling her heartbeat as it raced through her veins. As it ended the DJ returned to more upbeat music and after a few moments Rachel leaned back from Quinn's embrace.

"I think we've found it."

"Found what?" Quinn asked.

"Our song." Quinn looked down at Rachel, wondering how it had taken her so long to realise that the girl was possibly the most amazing person she'd ever met. Without much thought she bent down and lightly kissed Rachel on the lips.

"I think we have." She rested her forehead on Rachel's for a moment and then moved back, took her hand, and led them out to where the tables and chairs were, both grinning. Quinn looked up when she heard a familiar voice and suddenly her eyes went wide and she dropped Rachel's hand.

"What…" Rachel didn't finish her sentence as she saw Mercedes and Kurt sitting on a bench facing them, lacing up their skates.

"Rachel, Quinn, what a surprise. What brings you here?" Kurt tried to hide the knowing tone in his voice, unsure of exactly what was going on between the two girls now; Rachel hadn't spoken to him about it in weeks. He knew that Quinn had apologised for her reaction to Rachel's coming out and that they were friends again, but there was something in Quinn's face he couldn't quite read. She had dropped Rachel's hand pretty fast and he was sure he could see a blush creeping along her cheeks. He wouldn't push it though, for Rachel's sake.

"Well Quinn said she'd actually enjoyed that time we went skating with Glee and we were both at a loose end this evening so I suggested a trip here? How about you guys?"

"Well any minute now disco hour starts, I get to dance around on skates and Mercedes gets to get her diva on. It's become a bit of a tradition of ours."

"Well we won't get in your way." Quinn still hadn't made eye contact.

"You could join us. I bet Rachel wants to try and out-sing me." Mercedes was smiling but Rachel could tell she would take such a competition quite seriously. She looked at Quinn and saw the fear in her eyes. One step forward two steps back.

"We really have to be going. But thank you. See you soon." Rachel walked toward the shoe exchange, Quinn following behind her.

"Laters Rach, Quinn." Mercedes replied before turning to Kurt, "That was weird. I mean I know they hang now, but what was that about?"

"Quinn was probably just ashamed of being seen with Rachel outside of school." Kurt had a feeling he was right and it was more than friendship that Quinn was ashamed of. It broke his heart.

* * *

Rachel and Quinn didn't speak again until they got in the car.

"Do you think they saw anything?" Quinn asked, her voice shaking slightly.

"I'm certain they didn't. Do you really think Mercedes wouldn't have said something?"

"You're right. We have to be more careful though. I shouldn't have kissed you. No more going out."

Rachel reached over to Quinn who was staring out of the windshield and turned her face so she could look in her eyes.

"Quinn, it's OK. They didn't see anything and now we know when they go there. We can just go earlier. We had fun tonight didn't we?" Rachel didn't want to admit it, but she needed reassurance.

"I don't think we can go there again Rach." Quinn then saw the look in her girlfriend's eyes and remembered that this wasn't just Rachel; this was her girlfriend now, that meant she had to try harder. "But I had an amazing time. I always have an amazing time with you." She gripped Rachel's hand to try and drive her point home.

"But you don't want to go out in public with me anymore?" Rachel was trying not to cry.

"Just for a little while, just while I get ready to tell the world how amazing you are and how crazy happy I am that you're mine. I just don't think there's anywhere in Lima that's safe."

"OK." Rachel sniffed back her tears and Quinn traced one down her cheek with her thumb, "tell me I'm amazing again though."

"You astound me Rachel Berry and I am so glad I'm your girlfriend." It was enough for Rachel for now. She could be patient, or at least she could try really hard to be.

* * *

She met Puck the next Friday lunchtime under the bleachers as planned, trying to swallow down her guilty feelings. She hadn't known what would happen the previous week with Quinn at the roller rink but the fact that she already had this plan in place only convinced her more that she might just be a little psychic.

* * *

**A/N The song is, unsurprisingly, 'A Beautiful Mess' by Jason Mraz; a song that means a lot to me and was kind of my inspiration for writing this. The best version is by far the Raining Jane Session version. Go listen, the song will be back later in the fic. And I promise the next chapter very soon, I won't leave you hanging for too long.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N This update was ready a couple of days ago but the site wouldn't let me upload, apologies. Anyway, time to find out what Rachel was up to with Puck. As always comments and reviews always much appreciated. **

Rachel watched from the other end of the hall as Quinn went to her locker at the end of Math just as she always did. She watched Quinn open the door and notice the envelope she had left in there for her. She watched as the blonde looked around before opening it and then Rachel smiled as a grin broke out on Quinn's face. That was exactly the reaction she'd hoped for.

Quinn headed to her locker to swap her Math books for Geography ones when she noticed an envelope in her locker with a Q on the front in Rachel's unmistakable handwriting. She checked around before opening it. Inside was a piece of folded paper although the weight of the envelope had suggested there would be more to it. She pulled the paper out and noticed a key taped to the bottom.

_Quinn,_

_I know you're still scared, and I promise I'm OK with that. This way we'll always have somewhere to go where it can be just us. I'm sure Brad won't mind. We'll be making a certain kind of music anyway._

_J x_

_P.S We have plans this Saturday. Wear something hot. Not that you don't always._

It was a copy of the key to the school that Rachel had. Quinn couldn't help but smile. It's not like they could give each other keys to their houses, but this was pretty close. Rachel was letting her into her secret hiding place, the place she went when she just wanted to be alone and be herself. Quinn couldn't be happier and feel worse. She hated the way she'd been at the roller rink. She'd wanted to be ok, to be proud of this amazing girl who was letting her in, but it was all too much too soon. Maybe if it had just been Kurt, he would have understood her need to keep it quiet for a while. But Mercedes was a different matter. She had her heart in the right place but couldn't keep a secret to save her life. Still Rachel kept showing her how much she cared with all these little gestures and Quinn felt like all she was doing was denying her and pushing her away. She would have to find a way to tell Rachel that she was working on it. She walked to class wondering why she would have to wear something hot on Saturday and then she started to panic because she realised she had no idea what Rachel would find hot on her. Suddenly she wished she was brave enough to at least tell Santana, she was usually good with date-appropriate wardrobe advice.

That afternoon Quinn gave Rachel a ride home.

"Thank you."

"For what?" Rachel tried to look innocent, playing dumb.

"For the key. Thank you."

"Well I'm glad you like it. And I meant it." She looked directly at Quinn but the girl kept her eyes on the road.

"Rach…"

"No. I mean it. I understand it's just about time, and I can wait as long as it takes."

"I wish you didn't have to. I want so much to just be what you deserve right now but…"

Rachel reached for Quinn's hand and squeezed it.

"I know. Now how about the rest of my note?"

"It intrigued me. Why do I have to dress hot, what do you have planned?"

"Now that I'm not telling. It's a surprise." She smirked, Quinn couldn't see it but she could hear it in her voice.

"Fine. Don't tell me. But then I won't run my wardrobe decisions past you."

"Good. I want a surprise too." She was smirking again and Quinn couldn't decide if she found it infuriating or a turn on.

* * *

All week Quinn had been bugging Rachel about what she was planning and all week Rachel kept tight-lipped. It was Thursday evening, Quinn had promised to spend some time with the ex-Cheerios and Rachel decided it was perfect time to go to Kurt for a little fashion advice. They sat on his bed while he flipped through magazines trying to help her find a look she approved of.

"What is this in aid of again? You've been very cagey." Kurt had his suspicions but didn't want to say anything just yet.

"Can I not just come to you for general sartorial advice?"

"Always. But you seem a little more…urgent."

"Well I do have an engagement this weekend for which I would like to look my best."

"Are your dads throwing some kind of party? Because an adult party would require a very different look from, say, a date." Kurt knew what he was doing.

"And if it were the latter?" Rachel tried to stay neutral.

"Then before I even got to what you were going to wear I would have to know who it was with. Have you met a girl Rachel?" Kurt put down the magazine and looked at Rachel.

"Not exactly."

"I knew it! I knew it the moment I saw you together. She was looking embarrassed and like she couldn't stop touching you fast enough and you looked like the cat that got the cream. When the hell did this happen and why the hell have you not told me already?"

"I'm not sure to what you're referring Kurt."

"Drop it Rachel. You and Quinn. No one looks that scared if all they've been caught doing is roller skating."

"Fine. You're right. There is a me and Quinn." Rachel looked down at her hands and hoped Quinn would forgive her for letting slip. But she couldn't deny it felt amazing to say out loud.

"Ok. I need details. Not the gross ones, just the other ones. When, how?"

"Um…Out the back of the school, on a Saturday, in the snow, just over a month ago. It was…It was amazing."

"A month ago! You guys must be pretty stealthy because Mercedes hasn't said anything."

"Well Quinn doesn't want anyone to know."

"Oh." Kurt tried not to look concerned.

"No, it's not like that. She's not that Quinn with me. It's just still so new for her and scary and I'm ok to wait. I want her to be happy."

"Well that's good of you Rachel, but are you sure? It's been a month, don't you think..."

"Think about it this way Kurt. Let's say tomorrow you meet this girl and she's funny and kind and she dresses well and she loves interior design and without you even realising you start to like her, really like her. How would you feel about telling people? Would you just run right out and say 'hey, maybe I'm not so gay after all'?"

"Well, I don't know…"

"Exactly. And that would be you coming out straight, doing something deemed acceptable by the more conservative members of society. Now imagine what it's like for Quinn, with _her _past, _her _background. Can you understand why I'm happy to wait? She needs to be ok with this; she needs to feel like her whole world won't fall apart. She needs to be happy with who she is before she can make sure other people see that happiness. I can't rush that and I can't be selfish. Sure I'd love to show her off, walk down the halls past all those Cheerios and jocks with Quinn on my arm but I have faith it will happen. I trust her."

"Wow. A lot's changed in the last month. Must have been quite the kiss."

"You have no idea. And that wasn't even the best one. She does this thing…"

"No need to go all Brittany Pierce, I said I was happy without those details. But she makes you happy?"

"So happy. She just looks at me and I'm a mess. In glee sometimes she'll look over and bite her lip and it feels like suddenly there's a million miles between us and I just want to be near her and touch her. She writes me love notes and leaves them in my locker. If we're watching a movie and it's getting late she'll get up to grab a blanket to tuck around me. She was the one who asked _me _to be _her _girlfriend." Rachel knew she was gushing, but she'd never got to tell anyone any of this before. She was so proud to tell someone about the Quinn she knew.

"Well you've got me convinced." He chuckled lightly, "Are you going to tell her I know?"

"I don't think so. I think it would freak her out."

"Probably. But I would love to see this Quinn. I can't wait 'til you guys go public." He noticed Rachel get a slightly sad look in her eyes so he changed the subject. "But first what are we going to get you for your date on Saturday? Where are you going?"

"Oz" Rachel grinned and Kurt's jaw dropped in shock.

* * *

Quinn had spent most of Saturday afternoon trying to work out what the hell she was going to wear. Not knowing where you were going definitely made it harder. Eventually she decided to go smart casual. Hot probably didn't mean dressy. Her everyday skirts and dresses weren't really what she'd call hot either, though some of them had got very appreciative looks from her girlfriend. In the end she chose a pair of jeans she'd bought herself as soon as she'd lost the baby weight and a scoop neck black top that had gold threads running through it. The top hung loose, in contrast to the jeans which hugged her body tightly. It wasn't a bad look even if she did say so herself. Rachel had told her she would pick her up at 7; it was already 6:45. She checked her makeup one last time and then went downstairs to the living room to wait. Thankfully Judy was away for the weekend, she wasn't sure how she would have explained being dressed like this to hang with Rachel.

Rachel checked her makeup in the rear-view once more and then headed for Quinn's door. When she answered Rachel couldn't help but stare. Quinn's reaction was much the same. Rachel was also wearing jeans but she'd paired it with a bright red spaghetti strapped top that left little to the imagination. Quinn couldn't remember ever seeing the girl dressed like that. She grabbed Rachel by the shoulders and pulled her through the door and into a kiss. Strong and forceful at first it then descended into long, slow leisurely kisses before Quinn eventually pulled away.

"You look amazing." Quinn husked.

"I got the feeling you liked it. I let Kurt make some suggestions."

"I must thank him."

"You look great too. I like those jeans. You never wear jeans."

"You either."

"Well maybe we should both change that." Rachel let her hands drop down and she squeezed Quinn's ass playfully.

"Maybe we should." Quinn smiled and then moved to take grab her purse and take Rachel's hand. "Will you tell me where we're going now?"

"Just outside of Kenton."

"But that's 40 minutes away."

"Sure is. You should pick a good CD." With that Rachel unlocked the car and waited for Quinn to get in. "Come on. I want to get going."

Quinn let Rachel listen to her Best of Broadway CD as they drove down the 309, still not sure quite why they were dressing up to head to the next town over. Before they got the city limits Rachel pulled off the highway. A few minutes later they were pulling up outside a row of buildings. Quinn turned to look at Rachel.

"And we're where exactly?"

"Just a sec, I have something else for you." Rachel reached into her purse and pulled out a plastic card, handing it to Quinn.

"A driver's license, Rach I already have one of those."

"Look at it." Quinn did, finally noticing the date of birth.

"Rach, this says I was born in 1989."

Rachel just grinned at her and nodded her head.

"Rach! Where the hell did you get fake IDs?" Quinn couldn't quite believe that stickler for the rules Rachel Berry had bought her a fake ID.

"Puck. I told him we needed them so that we could get into a jazz club where my favourite singer was performing."

"And is that what we're doing?"

"Not exactly. But I couldn't tell Puck where we were really going."

"And that is?"

"Oz."

With that Rachel got out of the car and walked around to Quinn's side and opened her door for her. Quinn got out and Rachel took her by the hand, leading her to the building furthest from where they had parked. The word Oz was shining brightly at them in green neon from above a large red metal door. In front of the door was a very tall man in a white tank top and black trousers.

"Evening ladies. IDs please."

Rachel took Quinn's from her hand, the blonde still not exactly sure what was going on, and handed both of them to the bouncer. He looked at the IDs and then at girls, a suspicious look on his face. Rachel shot him her most sincere smile and eventually the man relented, handed the IDs back and opened the door for them.

"Have a nice night."

"Thank you, we will."

Rachel pulled Quinn through the door with her and it took Quinn a while for eyes to adjust to how dark it was inside. To the right of the door was a long bar facing groups of sofas on the left. In front of them at the other end of the room was a huge dance floor. It was early so the place wasn't heaving but it certainly wasn't empty. Dance music was thumping through the speakers as Quinn took in the other patrons. It took her a moment to realise what was different about this place.

"Rachel, is this a gay bar?"

"Sure is. A gay bar very far from anyone we know and no chance of anybody showing up unannounced." Rachel smiled at her and squeezed her hand.

Quinn took a deep breath and smiled back. OK, she was in a gay bar, a bar full of gay people. She was holding her girlfriend's hand standing in a room full of gay people. Her heart rate started to rise a little. But then she looked around. There were butch looking women and men; there were women who looked like she imagined she'd look in 10 years time. There were men dressed as women and women dressed as men. But mostly what she saw was happy people, people laughing and dancing. By the bar she noticed a female couple in their late 20s. One of them took a drink from her beer and got some foam on her nose. The other reached over and kissed the foam off her girlfriend's nose and they both giggled and smiled at each other. She turned to Rachel and noticed she was watching her to see her reaction, probably scared that Quinn was going to run like she so often did. Instead she leant over and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"I guess this makes me your cowardly lion, Dorothy."

"I prefer Johnny." Rachel hid her smile and dragged Quinn by her hand to the bar. They were greeted by a blonde woman in her early 30s.

"What can I get you ladies?"

"I can't drink as I'm driving." Rachel stated.

"If you can't drink then I shouldn't either." Quinn said addressing Rachel.

"It's fine, Quinn, have a drink if you want one."

"Ladies?" The bar tender wasn't going to hang around all night for a couple of cute but indecisive baby dykes.

"I'll have a seven and seven. She'll have a diet coke." Quinn replied.

"Coming right up."

Rachel looked at Quinn inquisitively.

"Santana decided last summer to learn how to make a few drinks. She said that sometimes it's nice to get high class drunk. Seven and seven isn't really a high class drink but we never had much to work with."

"I was more interested in how you knew I wanted a diet coke."

"You always have a diet coke."

"Sometimes I forget that someone actually pays attention to me." Rachel shrugged and Quinn pecked her on the lips.

"I can't help paying attention to you."

The bar tender returned with their drinks, her heart warmed by the sign of affection.

"So, are you girls together?"

"We sure are. Six blissful weeks and maybe years in the making." Quinn replied.

"Young love, always so dramatic. You make a cute couple though, have a good night girls."

"Thanks"

Quinn turned from the bar and handed Rachel her drink. As she took it Rachel leaned in for a deep kiss, using her free hand to play with the hair at the nape of Quinn's neck, holding her in the kiss.

"What was that for?"

"For finally being the you I know you are."

"Stop it. Let's dance." Quinn tried to hide her blush as she pulled Rachel to the dance floor.

For the next hour they danced with abandon, laughing, joking, Quinn showing Rachel her list of dance moves that should never be done in public and Rachel attempting her best Santana impression. Rachel was amazed at how free Quinn seemed. With all her worries left safely behind in Lima the girl was having no trouble showing Rachel exactly how she felt. During a slower, sexier song Quinn turned Rachel around and moulded her body into her back. She placed one hand on Rachel's stomach dragged the other slowly from her bare shoulder and down her arm until it rested on her thigh. They danced close like that, almost one person, Rachel feeling Quinn's breath against her ear. She has never felt anything as sensual in her life; each nerve ending was alive with the feeling of Quinn against her. She wanted to push back further even though there was nowhere else to go, she needed to feel more of this, feel more of her skin covered by Quinn. Quinn felt Rachel moving into her even more and breathed in the smell of Rachel's hair as she moved her hand to the girl's hip. She gripped lightly, holding on, needing something to ground her. Her body was full of want and need. She was still moving with the music but it was pure instinct because her head was anywhere but the dance floor. All she was was touch and smell. She couldn't remember ever wanting like this. It should have scared her but instead it was electrifying. She wasn't sure how she was ever going to be around Rachel again and not touch her. They hadn't even got close to having sex yet but if this was what dancing with her was like then the prospect of more made her feel dizzy. She thought about all the people at school that would never know the Rachel she was holding in her arms right now. They were all such fools, herself included. Not any more though. She finally opened her eyes and noticed a woman at the edge of the dance floor blatantly checking Rachel out. She felt a mixture of pride and jealousy. She turned Rachel around in her arms placing one hand on the small of her back the other gently on her ass; she leant down to whisper in her ear.

"There's a woman over there totally checking you out." She whispered sexily.

"I may not turn heads at school, but it seems as a lesbian I'm pretty hot stuff." Rachel replied in a flirty tone.

"You are so hot."

Rachel pulled back only lace her fingers into the hair at the back of Quinn's head and pull her into a passionate kiss. Tongues duelled, breathing was forgotten, hands grabbed for whatever they could find and they pulled into each other as if they were trying to find a way to make themselves into one person. They eventually parted, both breathing heavily.

"You make me feel hot" Rachel husked.

They stared intensely at each other for a moment before Rachel grinned and pulled Quinn toward the bar.

"Let's get another drink and sit down for a bit. You've tired me out."

"I can't wait to see how tired I can make you."

"Quinn Fabray! Such words from such an innocent mouth." Rachel feigned shock.

"You're the one who brought me to bar where there's now a man in just a thong dancing on a table."

Rachel looked up and saw the newly ensconced go-go boy gyrating on a table.

"Oh." She wondered if Quinn had been enjoying the show.

Quinn noticed the look on her face.

"Hey, he's cute, but obviously very gay and right now I can definitely say I only have eyes for you."

"And you say he's very gay." Rachel joked.

"I'm just very gay for you Berry, now go get me a drink". She patted Rachel lightly on the ass while she went to find them a spot on one of the sofas.

They spent the rest of the night wrapped up in each other in a dark corner of the bar. They people watched and talked about anything and everything. The constant flirty tone meant that talking was frequently interrupted for heated make out sessions. Quinn would have felt self-conscious, but they were far from the only ones in the bar indulging in such activity. After a while Rachel was basically sitting in her lap running her hands through Quinn's hair as Quinn's hand worked its way under Rachel's shirt and up her bare back. Suddenly Rachel sat up straight.

"What time is it?"

Quinn reluctantly removed her hand from Rachel's back and checked her watch.

"Dammit, it's nearly 11:30, we should go I guess." She gave Rachel a disappointed look and Rachel replied with sweet but short kiss.

"I suppose we ought to. Come on."

She stood and took Quinn by the hand leading her out of the bar and to her car.

On the drive home Quinn was quiet. She had a lot to think about. There in the bar she felt so free and happy. To laugh with Rachel and hold her and kiss her whenever she wanted, it had felt better than she'd imagined it would. She still wasn't ready to tell the world but she was definitely closer now she knew exactly what she was missing. Not the she could imagine dancing like that at a school dance. Just the thought made her blush.

"Are you all right Quinn, you've been really quiet?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I had a really good time tonight, Rach, thank you."

"I'm glad. I wanted to find somewhere you could feel safe. I wasn't sure a gay bar wouldn't scare you off more but I thought it was worth try."

"I thought I would be scared. Like they'd see me and know I was some kind of fraud, like I wasn't a proper member of the gang. But then everyone just seemed so happy and relaxed. And then that bar tender said we made a cute couple and I just felt at home I guess. Plus there were some cute boys there." Quinn smirked.

"Not funny Quinn."

"OK, OK. But really, thank you."

Rachel pulled up outside Quinn's house and before Quinn got out the car she turned to her girlfriend.

"Are you busy tomorrow afternoon?"

"No. Why?"

"Meet me at school, 4 o'clock in the choir room."

"OK, why?"

"My turn for a surprise. Night Rachel."

"Night Quinn."

Quinn got out the car and walked to her door, smiling over her shoulder at Rachel one last time before she walked into her house.

"I love you Quinn Fabray." Rachel sighed and turned the car around to head home.

* * *

Rachel walked into the choir room to the sound of Quinn playing something on the piano. As she finished she looked up and smiled at her.

"Hey."

"Hey." They looked at each other for moment, neither feeling the need to say anything yet. Rachel walked over and sat next to Quinn. "So why did you want me to meet you here?"

"I've been trying to think of a way to tell you what's going on in my head. I need you to know how much it means to me that you're giving me time, sometimes I think you must be crazy with how patient you're being with me. Anyway I started listening to our song, a lot." She bit her lip and looked at Rachel, hoping the girl wouldn't think she was becoming one of those clingy girls. Rachel just gave a light laugh, an admission that maybe she'd been doing exactly the same thing.

"Anyway, I then started to play about with it on the piano and the next thing I knew I'd arranged it into a duet. I wanted you to come here and sing it with me. Will you?"

"Of course. I'd love to sing with you Quinn."

Quinn took some pages off the piano and handed them to Rachel, giving her a minute to go over them. Her hands shook a little as she started the opening notes, scared to look over at Rachel for fear of hitting the wrong key and ruining the moment.

Rachel started, Quinn hoping she would understand the meaning behind the way she had divided the lines between the two of them.

"_You've got the best of both worlds__  
__You're the kind of girl who can take down a man and lift him back up again__  
__You are strong but you're needy, humble but you're greedy"__  
_

She knew it sounded a little big headed but she wanted Rachel to see how much she needed her despite the image she portrayed and how selfish Rachel made her sometimes.

It was Quinn's turn to sing; she took a deep breath and hoped her nerves wouldn't get the best of her."_And based on your body language and shoddy cursive I've been reading_

_Your style is quite selective though your mind is rather reckless__  
__Well I guess it just suggests that this is just what happiness is"_

She needed Rachel to know she was happy, even if she acted scared, because for the first time she actually knew what happiness really was. They took the next two lines together, Quinn admitting that while what they were doing was messy she couldn't help but feel it was beautiful too.

_"And what a beautiful mess this is__  
__It's like picking up trash in dresses"_

Rachel picked up the line after the refrain, looking at Quinn, realising the girl was admitting that she knew her actions hurt Rachel sometimes.

"_Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write__  
__Kind of turn themselves into knives"_

Quinn picked the song back up again, lightening the tone by admitting she liked the craziness that was Rachel Berry.  
_"And don't mind my nerve you can call it fiction__  
__But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear__  
__Cause here we are, here we are"_

The tone changed again as Rachel sang of her understanding of Quinn's fears and where they came from.

_"Although you are biased I love your advice__  
__Your comebacks they're quick and probably have to do with your insecurities"_

Quinn took over again, still staring down at her fingers, not ready to see how Rachel was looking at her.

"_There's no shame in being crazy, depending on how you take these words__  
__I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging"_

Again they sang the refrain together, their voices harmonising as if they'd been doing this all their lives.

_"But it's a beautiful mess this is__  
__It's like picking up trash in dresses"_

Rachel voice started to shake a little as she took up the next line.

"_Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say__  
__Kind of turn themselves into blades"_

Quinn took over, trying to keep her own voice strong. She could feel tears coming.

"_And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard__  
__But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt__  
__Cause here, here we are__  
__Here we are__  
__We're still here"_

Rachel joined her and both their voices waivered ever so slightly. Quinn had given up trying to hold back the tears. She finally looked at Rachel and could see she was feeling the same.

"_And it's a beautiful mess this is__  
__It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes"_

As they sung of the inevitability of this relationship both nearly stopped, but Quinn needed them to finish, she willed on Rachel with her eyes.

Rachel powered on, singing of hope for their future.

_"And through timeless words and priceless pictures__  
__We'll fly like birds not of this earth"_

Quinn's last solo lines were most of the reason she had worked on this song for them. She needed Rachel to know that this hurt her too, they were both in pain over the fears and issues this relationship had brought up, but at least they were together.  
_"And tides may turn and hearts disfigure__  
__But that's no concern when we're wounded together"_

They sang the last line as one, knowing both of them meant every word.  
_"And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts__  
__But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it"_

Quinn looked back down at the piano as she finished playing the last few notes. Rachel placed her hand on the girl's cheek. When Quinn's fingers left the keys she turned to look at Rachel who brought her in for a deep and loving kiss.

"That was beautiful Quinn. Thank you."

"I was hoping, not right now or anything, but maybe soon-ish, we could sing it for glee."

"Really?" The tears Rachel had managed to hold back started flowing.

"Really. I'm not there yet but you have no idea how much I want to be."

Rachel kissed her again, this time passionately. She wasn't going to let go until she had to.

**A/N again the song is 'A Beautiful Mess' by Jason Mraz. Hope the extended use of lyrics wasn't annoying, but I figure you can't have Glee without some singing**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N Sorry this update has been so long in coming. RL really got in the way. At the moment I'm thinking there are 3-4 more chapters of this left and gaps between updates shouldn't be this long again. Once more thanks for reviews/comments, they always brighten my day. Oh and if you fancy some angst I posted a depressing one shot today as well.**

**Anyway, enjoy.**

The couple of months passed without much incident. Quinn and Rachel had become almost inseparable. While at first this newfound friendship had been met with confusion by their friends and most of the student body, eventually people got bored of wondering quite how the two had become so close and just accepted it. The couple were still cautious, making sure not to hold gazes too long or absentmindedly touch each other in public. It was getting harder though. As they grew closer intimacy was becoming second nature for them. But still Quinn wasn't ready and Rachel wasn't pushing. Part of Rachel was actually enjoying having a clandestine affair; it allowed her to indulge in her love of plans. She would mastermind secret rendezvous and cryptic messages. The whole thing was still somewhat fun.

They were lying on her bed on a Friday night. Friday night was always spent at Rachel's as her dads had a standing poker engagement. Quinn was lying on her back and Rachel had her head resting on Quinn's collarbone, playing with each other's fingers.

"When did you know?" Rachel asked leisurely.

"When did I know what?"

"That you liked me?"

"Who says I like you?" Quinn tried to deadpan but a laugh crept into her voice.

"Quinn!"

"Fine. I like you." She continued to run her fingers along Rachel's knuckles as she tried to think of the best way to articulate her answer. "I guess it happened in stages."

"Talk me through it."

"Someone's in need of validation."

"Humour me."

"Well I guess I first realised that I didn't hate you when I was…last year. You were sweet to me and I suddenly couldn't understand why I'd ever been so cruel. So I guess for a long time I just didn't hate you." She looked down to make sure Rachel was OK and gave her a kiss on the head. "Then we had that glee assignment and I actually started to know you. Once that happened I couldn't help but like you. We had so much more in common than I ever thought. Plus it turned out you were funny. Who knew?" That earned her a swat on the arm and huff from Rachel. "But when did I realise I _liked you _liked you? That's kind of embarrassing."

"Tell me anyway."

"OK, for you. So you remember that time I bumped into you in the locker room when I was going for a run?"

"Yes." Rachel answered tentatively.

"I kinda. Well I sort of saw you. While you were changing. Not naked or anything. I've still yet to have that pleasure. But anyway I realised I'd noticed you. In that way. I pounded that track so hard after that. It was pretty unexpected. You're insanely hot Rachel Berry. Then by the time we went to see that movie I just knew I wanted to touch you. I was gone. You know the rest."

"Quinn?"

"Yeah."

"Wanna know something funny?"

"Sure."

"That's when I finally realised I liked you too."

"You mean you haven't been crushing on me since freshman year?" Quinn laughed.

"Sorry to disappoint, you were kind of a bitch. A hot bitch but a bitch nonetheless. I mean I knew that maybe I liked you a little more than I should when we started talking and it turned out there was a beating heart under that cold exterior, but that morning I had real trouble taking my eyes off you. Still do sometimes." She was blushing and she was pretty sure Quinn was too.

"You saying I could have just pushed you up against a locker and kissed you there and then?"

"Like you'd have had the guts."

"You're right. I had enough trouble realising I was checking you out."

"Plus I thought you liked our first kiss."

"I loved our first kiss Rach. Best first kiss ever."

Rachel craned her head up and Quinn leant hers down to capture the brunette's lips in her own, hands wandering to more intimate parts of still fully clothed bodies. Rachel eventually pulled away.

"Do you know what Monday is Quinn?"

"A School day?"

"And?"

Quinn pretended to think for a while.

"Nope. I got nothing."

"Quinn…"

"Don't worry Rach; I know exactly what Monday is. I figured you'd be the type for 3 month anniversaries. I wasn't sure where you wanted to count from though. I should have guessed you were a first kiss kind of girl rather from when we actually became a couple."

"I would say we did become a couple when we kissed. That moment of shared intimacy and vulnerability is exactly what being a couple is about. I gave a part of myself to you Quinn, that's worth more than nomenclature."

"I love it when you use big words." Quinn smirked.

Rachel had wanted to continue their discussion about what their plans were for their anniversary but she knew that when Quinn's voice took on that tone there wasn't much point in trying to get her to talk anymore. Instead it was best to just give in to Quinn's insatiable need to touch her. They still weren't past second base, but they were spending a hell of a lot of their time there.

"Do you know what I love?" Rachel undid one button on Quinn's shirt. She ran her index finger along Quinn's collarbone and then shifted to place a kiss in the centre just below it. "I love this part of you. It's so soft and pale. It's not anywhere specific, not an obvious destination for fingers or lips but just the sight of it and I want to touch you."

She kissed it again, this time letting her tongue out to lick the spot lightly.

"What's your favourite part of me Quinn?"

Quinn opened her eyes, having closed them at the feeling of Rachel's lips on her. She bit her lip in thought as Rachel continued to kiss along her upper chest. She lightly pushed Rachel off her, to the girl's chagrin and moved to the side, leaving Rachel lying on her front on the bed. She leaned over the girl, took off Rachel's cardigan. Underneath she was wearing a sleeveless dress. Quinn knelt over her and placed a small kiss on the back of the girl's right shoulder.

"Right here. My favourite part of you."

"Why there?"

"The first morning I woke up to find you sleeping in my arms this part of you was directly in my eye-line. I'd never felt more content in my whole life and I did the one thing that felt more natural than I could ever imagine it would, I kissed your shoulder. And I remember thinking just how happy I would be if I could wake up every morning and do that."

"Is that why you're always awake before I am if one of us stays over?"

"I have to get my kiss in."

Rachel rolled onto her back and pulled Quinn on top of her.

"I think you should wake me up before you do it. I'd hate to think I'm missing one of your kisses for sleep."

"OK"

With that Quinn closed the space between them and kissed Rachel hungrily. Hands started to roam under shirts, nipples teased as the kiss deepened. They could do this for hours.

* * *

Rachel opened her eyes and noticed the room was now dark; they had obviously been too preoccupied to notice the sun going down. She gently moved Quinn's head from where it was nestled on her neck, placing soft kisses up and down, so that she could look her in eye.

"I think it's getting late."

Quinn looked over at Rachel's alarm clock and realised it was well passed the time she had said she would leave.

"Dammit. Guess I should get going."

"I wish you could stay." Rachel said dejectedly.

"Me too. But I'm pretty sure you don't want Santana turning up to your house at some ungodly hour."

"Why is she picking you up at 5:30 on a Saturday morning?"

"Tickets go on sale for some singer that Brittany likes. Rather than wait outside all night she plans to get there earlier and just threaten all the people in line in front of her. I'm there as backup in case they kick her out."

"That's very noble of you Quinn."

"If I didn't do it she'd make me look at Brittany's sad face and no one can handle that. Plus she's had my back a few times recently. I kind of owe her. Our friendship pretty much works on the basis of favours. Now give me one more kiss before I go."

Rachel obliged and then Quinn got up, re-buttoned and repositioned her rather askew clothes and went to fetch her coat.

"So do you have something planned for Monday?" Rachel called after her, still in too much of a make-out stupor to get up.

"You'll have to wait and see" Quinn called back over her shoulder as she descended the stairs.

* * *

Of course Quinn had something planned. You didn't date Rachel Berry, even in secret, and not make sure you had something planned for your anniversary. She'd never really bothered with Finn or Puck but with Rachel 3 months seemed like a landmark worth celebrating. Not only had they managed to keep their relationship off the McKinley High radar but Rachel still seemed happy letting things stay that way. And Quinn? Well she still had no idea how she'd ended up here. She knew how she'd fallen, how moment by moment Rachel Berry had wormed her way into her heart until she was the only thing there, but she still didn't know how she let it happen and it still terrified her. Sometimes they'd be hanging out watching TV and Rachel would admit to thinking some actress was hot but Quinn couldn't bring herself to admit to Rachel the men she found attractive, it felt like betrayal. When they would talk of the future Quinn would stay quiet because in all honesty she still hadn't quite let go of the husband and kids image she'd always had of her future. She loved Rachel, not that she'd been brave enough to say it yet, but she loved her with all her heart and she was willing to admit that was probably why she was so scared. Loving Rachel the way she did meant no husband, no wedding that would make her mom cry and maybe her dad look at her proudly. No kids, maybe one of each and a dog and a summer house somewhere. The way she felt about Rachel meant whispers behind their backs, rescinded thanksgiving invites from her grandparents, thinly veiled contempt from strangers if they walked down the street holding hands. Maybe they'd get some kind of commitment ceremony, maybe they'd be able to adopt or have kids that were biologically only half theirs. It wasn't what Quinn had imagined and as much as the thought of growing old with Rachel warmed her soul it still scared the hell out of her.

For now she pushed those thoughts out of her head. Because right now she was still a high school kid in the early throes of love and she was damn well going to show her girlfriend just how happy she made her. Because when she wasn't letting herself be scared she was the happiest she had ever been.

The plan was simple. First flowers in her locker, red tulips because she couldn't say she loved her but she knew she felt it. Then a special lunch. He wasn't a Cheerio anymore but she still had pull with the lunch ladies and had persuaded them to put a special vegan menu on for the day. Then after school she had one final trick up her sleeve. She had taken to giving Rachel a ride to school in the last few weeks but she'd told her she couldn't make it that morning, she knew that Rachel would be desperate to know what she had planned and when Rachel really wanted something she was hard to resist and Quinn wanted this to stay a surprise.

She arrived at school before Rachel and waited at her own locker, giving her the perfect vantage point to watch when her girlfriend found her first gift.

Rachel was annoyed that she couldn't see Quinn before school but she knew they had plans for that evening and she was trying to show a little restraint. She headed straight for her locker when she arrived at school and upon opening it she saw a bunch of red tulips waiting for her. After seeing Imagine Me & You Rachel had read up on the language of flowers. She and Quinn had yet to declare their love for each other but Rachel knew exactly what these flowers meant. She read the card attached.

_You made me watch that movie a million times so I know you know what I mean. Thank you for the best 3 months of my life. You amaze me every day._

_X_

Rachel tried not to blush and started to look around for Quinn. Instead her field of vision was interrupted by Puck standing in front of her looking over her shoulder at the contents of her locker.

"Who're the flowers from Rachel, are you getting some somewhere?"

"None of your business Noah."

"So you are? Who's the lucky stud? It's not another goy is it Berry?"

"There's no stud Puck. I bought myself some flowers to cheer me up, ok?"

"Geez, Rachel, that's kinda sad. You need to get back on the horse. There's this sorta nerdy guy at temple…"

Rachel stopped listening as she finally saw Quinn watching her from the other end of the hall. Their eyes met and Rachel smiled, grinning wider as Quinn ducked her head and bit her lip. She realised Puck had stopped talking and was waiting for her reply.

"I don't need your dating advice Noah. I'm perfectly happy thank you. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get to class."

She closed her locker and turned away, walking to first period with a ridiculous smile plastered across her face. She was so glad Quinn Fabray was a secret romantic.

* * *

She didn't get to see Quinn until lunch. Having gone to her locker after class and finding the bagged lunch she was sure she had brought was nowhere to be found she was gearing herself of one of McKinley's rather limp salads. Not exactly a stellar meal on a day when she was feeling so happy. She walked into the cafeteria and saw Quinn waiting at their usual table for her; luckily no one else had arrived yet. Quinn motioned her over and gave her a discreet smile as she sat down. Rachel noticed a sheet of paper sitting on the table in front of her.

"Happy anniversary" Quinn said quietly in Rachel's ear. "Your menu for today." She gestured at the paper.

Rachel read the sheet in front of her.

_Pea and Broccoli Soup_

_Portobello Mushroom in a Cranberry and Lime Jus_

_Hot Vegan Brownie with non-dairy Ice Cream_

"Quinn, what is this? Did you steal my lunch?"

"Might have" Quinn replied coyly.

"Quinn! How did you manage this? The most exciting thing this school's ever attempted at lunch is lasagne."

"I still have a little sway in this place. So you like it? I wasn't sure what might be good so I did a little research."

"It's amazing. And right now I would do almost anything to kiss you. Be warned, the second we're alone you are so getting kissed."

"I look forward to it." Quinn smirked, "Wait here." She got up to go and get Rachel's first course.

While she was gone Puck and Santana showed up. Rachel wasn't sure exactly what it was but there was a look on Puck's face that she didn't like. Before she could say anything Quinn returned with two bowls of soup.

"Hey Q, what's with the grub?" Santana asked.

"I'm just repaying Rachel for all the help she's been giving me with chem."

"This looks like a lot of trouble to go to for a little tutoring?" Santana had a glint in her eye and Quinn hoped she wasn't going to make trouble in front of Puck. She still wasn't sure she was ready to tell Santana about her and Rachel, mainly because she knew the girl had trouble keeping her comments to herself.

"No trouble at all really. I've still got the lunch ladies wrapped around my finger and they liked the idea of stretching their culinary muscles."

"Hell Quinn, you're starting to talk like Rachel, how much time are you guys spending together?" Puck questioned.

"Whatever Puck."

They started on their soup, Rachel making appreciative noises. Conversation was casual and thankfully Santana seemed to have dropped her need to prod at Quinn. Still Quinn wished it could have just been her and Rachel. But she'd get that later, when all these kisses were promised. She got up to get the entrée but when she returned Rachel had a slightly pained look on her face.

"You alright Rachel?"

"Puck was just asking me about your new boyfriend." Rachel's expression was unreadable.

"My new what?" Quinn tried not to look shocked hoping not to give too much away before she got the bottom of whatever this was. She looked to Santana how was now glaring at her.

"Puck here says you've got a new boy toy, care to elaborate?" Santana almost growled.

"I don't have a boyfriend San, if I did you'd know about it."

Puck pulled some pieces of notepaper out of his bag.

"Who's Johnny then?"

Quinn felt all the blood rush from her face and felt her eyes widening. She didn't dare look at Rachel for fear of giving something away.

"I…Um..Johnny's…"

"The guy seems pretty into you. Here Santana listen to this one." Puck started reading from the note. "'Quinn, I woke up this morning still feeling like your lips were on me. Wish you'd been there lying with me, Johnny'. Or this one. 'Quinn, that poem you read me is still going round in my head, I think I want to set it music so that I can hear it all the time. I miss when you're not near me, Johnny.' 'Quinn, I know this is crazy but sometimes when you look at me I feel like me skin comes alive. You make me feel like no one ever has. Come to mine after school. Counting the hours 'til I can touch you again, Johnny.' That one's pretty explicit Quinn. Thing is I can't think of one Johnny in our class. You're not cradle robbing are you Quinn, going after some freshman?"

Quinn didn't know what to say. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the blush rising in Rachel's cheeks at having her words read out.

"Where did you…?"

"Oh, I needed to steal some test answers from you; I'm taking that civics class you took last semester so I broke into your locker. I found these in the text book. I like this one cos it's got your part on the other side. 'Johnny, the way you stare at me sometimes I feel like you can see what I'm thinking. And then I blush because I can imagine what you'd say if you knew the things I was thinking. You make my mind wander. If I fail this class it's your fault, Q.' And on the back. 'Quinn, I have every faith you can multitask enough to both pass this class AND think of what we plan to do when school is over today. If it makes you feel better I think my shirt smells of you and it's very distracting. Now get back to your notes, Johnny.'"

Quinn reached over and grabbed the sheets of paper from Puck.

"I can't believe you'd do this, those were private!"

"I just wanted to know who's got my ex-baby mama all hot and bothered."

"Yeah Q, who's this guy you didn't want to tell me anything about. I thought we'd got over our shit. I thought after that thing a few months back you trusted me. Shit Q I told you things but you don't wanna send that trust back my way. Fine! Like I need you anyway!"

With that Santana got up and stormed out of the cafeteria.

"Wow, what got up her ass?"

"Puck, not now! And for your information me and Johnny, we're not even together anymore, he transferred." Quinn's voice was trembling but she hoped the lie would hold Puck off from enquiring any further.

Rachel, who'd been keeping her head down looked up at Quinn, scared what she might find. They had been doing so well, inching closer to Quinn being comfortable, but this was going to send them right back to square one and Quinn back to being scared to even sit near her.

"Johnny and I" she said quietly

"What?"

"Johnny and I, not me and Johnny." She tried to smile a little, hoping Quinn would see she was just trying to normalise the situation.

"Way to concentrate on the wrong thing Rachel. Quinn's been having some secret affair and you're all up on her for grammar."

"Sorry."

"You serious though Quinn, this is old news I'm just learning about now? How come I never knew?

"I don't tell you half the stuff that goes on in my life. It was a short term thing. He was nice, I liked him, he moved. No story to tell."

"Sounds to me like you were really into the guy."

She looked at Rachel, hoping she knew that she wasn't dismissing her words, that she knew how much they meant to her.

"He was…there was something there, something real. But when is life ever easy Puck, especially for me?"

Puck gave her a half smile and chucked her on the chin.

"Sorry it didn't work out for you Quinn. I guess I just liked the idea that you were happy. You deserve to be happy. Plus it sounded like you getting some hot action."

"I will never tell you about any action I'm getting Puck, never."

"Can't blame a guy for trying. You should probably go talk to Santana, she seemed pretty pissed."

"Yeah. I should. Sorry about lunch Rach. Meet you after school?"

"Sure." Rachel tried to hide her disappointment. She knew it was ridiculous, but for a split second she'd hoped Quinn would come clean rather than create some elaborate lie. But Quinn had always been good at lying, how could she forget that. She should have known it wasn't going to happen, not now. Instead she'd have to put up with Puck making jokes about Johnny for the next few weeks until he got bored, making jokes about her relationship with Quinn even if he didn't know it.

Quinn left in search of Santana and Rachel watched her go, hating herself for wanting Quinn to be just a little more brave.

"You OK Rachel?"

"Yeah, Puck, I'm OK."

* * *

Quinn found Santana by the bleachers, kicking at something and mumbling to herself.

"Hey San."

"What?"

"I came to say sorry."

"Sorry for pretending like we actually friends again or sorry I found out?"

"Sorry for not telling you what was going on with me." She tried to catch Santana's eye but the girl wouldn't look at her. "I just. I'm still wary. You know what that's like, having something you're scared people will judge you for. Wanting to keep it to yourself so it can stay special for just that little bit longer."

Santana finally looked at her.

"Low blow, Q. So who's this guy?"

Quinn took a deep breath and looked down at her hands.

"There is no guy."

"So you're trying to tell me you've been writing hot and heavy love notes to yourself?"

"No. Johnny's a nickname."

"Don't tell me you're back with Finn and playing some creepy roleplay game? What happened to your heart-rending crush on Berry? One minute you're getting all weepy on me about digging a chick and the next thing you're over it?"

"Santana shut up for a minute. I'm trying to tell you it is Rachel."

"What?"

Quinn looked up and saw a truly shocked look on Santana's face.

"Johnny. It's a nickname for Rachel. She has this thing for…"

"I do not need to know. I just heard Puck read out things that I do not want to associate with Berry, please don't make it worse by including your messed up sex games."

"It's not a sex thing. She just loves Dirty Dancing." Santana still looked shocked. "The film! She loves the film and we figured it would be good to play things under the radar. Guess I was right."

"So you and Berry…?"

Quinn took another deep breath and steadied herself.

"She's my girlfriend."

Quinn was ready for more insults about Rachel, ready for Santana to question just why Quinn would think it would be a good idea to be in a relationship with McKinley's least popular student besides Jacob. Instead all she got was a grin.

"Way to seal the deal Fabray. I mean, I don't get it, and don't ever tell me about you getting it. But good on you. About time you took that stick out your ass."

"Wow."

"What?"

"That's the first time I've said that out loud to someone else."

"How does it feel?"

"Kind of good. You know you can't tell anyone else though. Not Britt, not anyone."

"I know, Q. You won't get me telling tales. And I'll try to cool Puck off from shooting his mouth about 'Johnny'."

"Thanks. I owe you."

"Yes, you do. Maybe you're gonna have to tell me what the hell tricks you're using that manage to get someone like Berry writing like that."

"A magician never reveals her secrets."

They both laughed and Quinn felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Someone knew and the sky hadn't fallen because of it. Now she had someone to go to when she got scared, someone to turn to when she didn't know how to talk to Rachel about things she thought might hurt her. It was a step toward what she knew Rachel deserved and she couldn't wait to tell her.

* * *

She didn't see Rachel again until her last class ended and she found the brunette waiting for her by her locker.

"Is everything…?"

"It's fine Rach. Listen, can I come pick you up at yours, in say, an hour. I have some stuff to sort out first?"

"Sure. Where are we going?"

"You'll have to wait and see. But it's not fancy or anything so don't worry about dressing up." Quinn leaned in a little closer but not so close as to look suspicious. "And anyway, you look beautiful today."

Rachel blushed and squeezed Quinn's hand quickly.

"You too. See you in an hour."

Rachel headed off home and Quinn set about getting stuff together.

She arrived at Rachel's 68 minutes later, figuring that still counted as about an hour. Rachel was waiting by her door.

"You've been waiting there for eight minutes haven't you?"

"Possibly."

"Come on, I won't keep you waiting any more."

They got in the car and it didn't take Rachel long to realise they were heading back toward school.

"Why are we going back Quinn, did you forget something?"

"Nope."

When they arrived she ran round and opened Rachel's door for her. She led her through the school and to the choir room.

"Have you learnt another song for me?"

"When would I have had time? I spend almost every minute of my day with you. And you keep my hands pretty well occupied." She grinned as Rachel's blush descended again. "Now wait here for a sec."

Quinn walked to the back of the room and picked up a wicker hamper. She then took Rachel's hand and walked her to a door that Rachel knew well.

"Quinn…"

"I thought you would have already guessed. You're not as sharp as I thought you were Berry."

She opened the door for her and they walked out into the clearing they had occupied exactly three months previously. This time neither of them as nervous. Quinn had placed church candles around the edges of the clearing, ready for when dusk started to settle. In the middle were blankets and pillows. She gestured for Rachel to sit down and then sat down next to her, placing the basket off to one side.

"It's beautiful Quinn."

"Thank you. I guess I liked the idea of coming back here so we could see how far we've come. It's only been three months but it kind of feels like forever sometimes."

"I've been told my company can be quite grating." Rachel smiled.

"You know what I mean."

"I do. And I feel the same. Before we get to whatever delights you have in that basket though, are you OK, after today I mean?"

Quinn took Rachel's hands in hers and looked her in the eye.

"I told her Rach. I told Santana that you were my girlfriend."

Rachel squealed and leapt onto her girlfriend knocking her to the ground, flat on her back. She showered the girl with kisses.

"This is the best anniversary present ever! How do you feel?"

"I feel good."

"I'm so proud of you Quinn. This is amazing."

"I guess you won't want your actual present then?"

The kisses stopped abruptly.

"Don't be so hasty. If you've put time into picking out a gift for me it would be impolite to decline it."

"I thought so. Get up."

Rachel got off her and allowed Quinn to sit up. She reached into the hamper and pulled out a box.

"I know you like necklaces, but I didn't want to get something that would mean you couldn't wear your star. So I went for this instead."

She gave the box to Rachel who opened it straight away, her eyes lighting up with joy.

"It's a charm bracelet. I've only put on one there, some musical notes. I figured every anniversary I can get you something new for it."

Rachel didn't reply with words. Instead she moved over to Quinn again and kissed her in a way she hoped conveyed how much the gift meant to her. Quinn had not only bought her a beautiful piece of jewellery, but one that suggested a future for them. Quinn saw them having a future as a couple. There could be no better anniversary gift than that.

Rachel finally broke the kiss and went to get something out of her own bag.

"Your gift kind of puts mine to shame. Sorry."

"If it's from you I'm sure I'll love it."

Rachel handed her an envelope and Quinn opened it. Inside were two tickets for a Bright Eyes gig in Columbus at the end of August. Rachel had kind of put stock in them having a future too, though not to the extent Quinn had.

"I love it Rach, I can't wait."

"I thought we could maybe make a weekend of it when the time comes. I took the liberty of booking us a hotel room already, seeing as the concert is in the height of tourist season. Is that OK?"

"It's more than OK, it's amazing. Thank you."

It's was Quinn's turn to kiss her now.

* * *

Hours later. The picnic consumed, they were lying on a blanket, Quinn on her back with Rachel lying on top of her. She was playing with her new charm bracelet. She looked down at Quinn who looked back up softly. She loved the way Quinn could just stare at her, as if she could never get bored of the sight. Rachel traced her thumb over her girlfriend's forehead, tracing the lines forming there from too much worrying.

"Are you happy Quinn?"

"More than you could ever know."

Rachel leant down and placed a light kiss on her lips.

"I love you Quinn Fabray."

Quinn wanted to say it back but for some reason the words caught in her throat. So she pulled Rachel into a kiss and hoped the girl wouldn't notice her lack of response.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N So, once again, thanks to all those who read and especially those that comment/review. Hope you're all still enjoying it. **

**I'm envisaging two more chapters after this one and hopefully, RL permitting, I'll post them within the next three weeks.**

Rachel didn't bring it up and Quinn sure as hell wasn't going to but the weight of the words spoken and not returned hung heavy over them for the weeks that followed. Rachel knew that Quinn cared deeply for her but the fact that she wouldn't voice it, wouldn't say those three simple words, it still hurt. People had said it to her before, her fathers almost every day, Finn at the most inopportune moments, but somehow she felt like hearing those words from Quinn would mean more than all those utterances put together. It didn't stop her from saying it though; she wasn't going to be curtailed by Quinn's fear. So whenever they were alone and Quinn looked at her in that way that made Rachel's heart melt, she'd say it, because she meant it and she wanted Quinn to know. Sure part of it was perhaps an attempt at coercion, despite the fact she didn't want Quinn to say it because she felt like she had to, but it was also becoming impossible for her not to say. She loved Quinn with every fibre of her being. And every time they kissed, or touched or just sat together watching some lame Hallmark movie that inevitably made Rachel cry she couldn't help but wonder how great her karma must be that she was there with Quinn Fabray, able to declare her love. The one thing that soothed the ache a little was that Quinn had told Santana about them. She knew it was a big deal for her and the pride she felt the moment she heard was even greater than when she'd won her first singing trophy. Quinn might not have declared it in words but those actions spoke volumes. Now, when Quinn gave Santana a ride home, or they were just hanging out on the bleachers waiting for Brittany or something, they didn't have to pretend. To be around someone else and still get to hold Quinn's hand, or tuck her hair behind her ear and give her a quick peck, well it felt like acceptance. Even if Santana would pretend to gag at the sight.

Also Quinn had taken it quite well when Rachel had admitted that she kind of might have told Kurt about them. She was angry at first, worried how long it would take the town's biggest gossip to let slip this juicy news, but she'd calmed down once she'd realised how much Rachel had needed someone to talk to. Plus, as Rachel reassured her girlfriend, Kurt knew what it was like to want to keep this sort of thing a secret. He'd promised he wouldn't tell anyone and if she believed him then Quinn should too.

* * *

Rachel was at her locker getting books for English. Quinn was over the other side of the building heading to Math but had left a note in her locker that read:

_J,_

_I'll meet you outside of English, Mom's out 'til late tonight._

_Hope the rest of the class don't ruin another classic for you, but allow me to misquote just a little._

"_Love has made me a tame snake"_

_X_

_Q_

She smiled to herself and put it back in a small lock box she now kept in there to avoid Puck's prying eyes. Still in her own world she didn't notice Santana walk up to her.

"So midge, you and I need to have a few words."

She was startled and turned around to see Santana sporting a mean look but one which Quinn had recently informed her really wasn't a look she should be worried about. She really needed to worry when the Latina didn't look mean.

"Santana, you surprised me, how can I help?"

"Walk to class with me."

"OK." Rachel wasn't sure what was going on but she felt it best to go along with whatever it was.

"Now I've known about you and Q for a while now, and maybe I should have said something then, but I guess I was hoping she'd see sense."

Rachel tried to object but Santana wasn't having any of it.

"No, this is me talking and you listening. So, against my better judgement I've been spending some time with the two of you recently and, I can't believe I'm saying this, but you seem happy together. So now comes the talk. And don't think this means we're friends. I've only recently got my relationship with Q back to how it used to be I am not in the market for a dwarf accessory. Anyway. Like I was saying, me and Q are back on track now there's no Cheerios and stuff, I've got the girl's back again. So it falls to me to do this. Hurt her and you'll forget what it's like to not be covered in Slushee."

"Santana, I would never…I love Quinn. And she, well I believe she feels very strongly about me."

"Listen, and it hurts me to do this, but Q's still got issues. You never met her dad, the way he was; let's just say he wasn't the 'turn the other cheek', 'love the sinner not the sin' kind of Christian. Aw, screw it, he was a small minded bigot but Q was always his little girl. It's gonna take her a while to work out she needs to be happy for her and to let go of whatever her head keeps telling her Russell Fabray would be saying about all this. But she does love you. I can see it. Which is good, because I'm not sure she's ever really loved anyone before, at least not anyone who legitimately loved her back. So you get what I'm saying?"

"I have to be patient."

"Exactly. But you also have to be careful. You break her and she's going to be properly broken. And I hate having to deal with weepy Q."

"I understand. You have my word."

"Glad we're on the same page Berry, now don't ever talk to me without a third party around again."

With that Santana continued down the corridor to her own class and Rachel walked into hers with a stupid grin on her face.

Accepted was definitely the word.

* * *

That afternoon they hung out at Quinn's house watching Gilmore Girls repeats and doing homework. They were on the couch in the den, Quinn on her back, head resting on the arm and Rachel sitting between her legs, head resting on Quinn's chest. They were both reading.

"Yours any good?" Quinn asked.

"Not too bad actually, yours?"

"Kinda dull. Wanna swap?"

"Firstly I'm not sure that would help either of us in class tomorrow, and secondly you just told me it was dull, why would I swap?"

"Because I'm an awesome girlfriend and you want to make me happy?"

"Well, while in the abstract that statement is true, at this precise moment I think I have to think of your long-term happiness and not hinder your academic career."

"It could do with a little hindering."

Quinn threw her book behind her and ran hands down Rachel's sides, laying them flat on her stomach.

"Quinn Fabray, I am trying to study."

"Me too."

"No you're not."

"I'm studying you." Rachel could hear the smirk and knew resistance was futile. She folded over the corner of the page and put her book on the coffee table, turning over so she was lying on her front.

"You're lucky I love you."

"I sure am."

She pulled Rachel up for a kiss, her hands instantly under the brunette's shirt, drawing circles on the bare skin of her back. Rachel murmured in appreciation, moving her right hand to lightly cup Quinn's breast. Second base was pretty much their first stop these days. They kissed like that for a while, hands running over bodies, gently caressing skin. Both of them could feel their heart rates rising and with the boldness afforded only those who know their mothers are not due home yet, Quinn pulled at the bottom of Rachel's shirt, lifting it up in silent question. Rachel leant back a little, breaking the kiss and raising her arms above her head to allow Quinn to continue her movement. As soon as the garment was discarded their lips found one another again, but now Quinn's fingers traced the edges of Rachel's bra. Rachel started to undo the buttons on Quinn's top; she had grown a real appreciation for buttons in recent months. She pulled away from the kiss and placed her lips upon her favourite spot, kissing and licking where the shirt had been. She ran her tongue along a hickey from yesterday, pleased to see it now a fading purple. She was glad her favourite place to mark Quinn was also a place that was easy to hide. She was so engrossed she didn't really notice Quinn reach behind and unclasp her bra until she felt the material fall away from her to be replaced by Quinn's hands. This is as far as they'd been going for a while. Rachel knew she was ready for more, was ready for everything; she had just been waiting for Quinn. This felt different somehow, like Quinn had a purpose, this seemed to be heading somewhere and the thought was making her head swim. She looked up and locked eyes with her girlfriend, eyes filled with the most beautiful combination of lust and reverence. Quinn bit her lip.

Quinn hadn't planned on this. She'd planned on some good old fashioned making out and, as was now customary, some decent groping, but this felt like something else. There was a need in her that she'd felt inklings of before but nothing this strong. Her hands seemed to work on their own, desperate to feel more, touch more. She wanted every part of Rachel. The feeling was both terrifying and elating. She didn't really have time to think what it meant or how it would change things she just knew it felt like everything was making sense. That's when she heard the door slam. She shot up, almost breaking Rachel's nose in the process.

"Oh god, I'm sorry. That's my mom; we gotta…are you OK?

Quinn was already off the couch and searching for her top. Rachel was sitting there stunned, one hand holding her nose while the other arm was wrapped around her chest.

"Ow. I think I'll be OK."

"Rach! Get dressed, my mom cannot find you like this."

Quinn threw her bra at her followed by her shirt. She tried to put it on while still holding on to the bridge of her nose.

"Jesus Rach! Stop messing around and get dressed."

"I'm trying." Rachel said from under her hand, she could feel her nose throbbing.

Quinn was already dressed and headed for the door.

"I'm gonna go keep Mom busy, you get dressed and meet me out there."

With that Quinn was gone. Rachel sat there for a moment in stunned silence. The pain was starting to ease off so she let her nose go and reached for her bra. It felt weird to be sat there on her own, topless. She knew she was being silly, but for some reason she was feeling painfully abandoned. The last thing she wanted was Judy Fabray catching them in flagrante, but the way Quinn had run out of the room felt worse than it should. She dressed herself and headed to find Quinn and her mom. She heard voices coming from the kitchen and found Judy sitting at the island, Quinn making a cup of tea.

"Rachel. Nice to see you again. How are you?"

Since the last time things had become cool but cordial between Rachel and Judy. Rachel remained polite and Judy pretended as if nothing had ever happened. As Quinn explained, that was the Fabray way.

"I'm fine thank you Mrs. Fabray."

"Oh dear, is something wrong with your face?"

"Rachel, um, tripped on the stairs earlier, didn't you Rach?"

Another lie. OK, a small one and with good reason, but Rachel still marvelled at how they rolled of Quinn's tongue.

"Indeed. I believe clumsiness runs in my family. My father is forever injuring himself."

"Well are you sure you're all right?"

"I'll be fine, thank you. I think it was more a shock than anything. My _nose_ will be just fine." She emphasised the word nose, hoping Quinn got the point. From the way her eyes were now downcast it seemed she did.

"Good."

"Well I should be going; my fathers will be expecting me for dinner."

"Rach, you don't have to…" Quinn looked at her pleadingly.

"I'll see you tomorrow Quinn. Have a nice night Mrs. Fabray."

"You too dear, see you soon."

Rachel picked up her bag from near the table and headed for the front door, Quinn not far behind her. She caught up as Rachel got to the door, placing her hand over hers on the handle.

"Rachel…"

"It's OK Quinn. I get it."

"No. It's just. That's not how I want her to…" Quinn sighed heavily. "When I tell her I want it to be as calm and rational as possible. Finding us like that, it's not going to convince her it's not another crazy teen rebellion I'm having. I want her to see that I really…that I care about you."

"When?"

"I don't know yet."

"No. I mean you said when, not if."

"Yeah. I said when."

Rachel looked behind them to check Judy was nowhere in sight and kissed Quinn lightly, bumping her nose a little.

"ow."

Aww, Rach, I'm sorry. Are you really OK?"

"I'll be fine. Just wasn't quite prepared for your lightening reflexes."

"Sorry."

"Enough sorry. I really have to go. I'll see you tomorrow."

She tucked some hair behind Quinn's ear.

"See you tomorrow Rach. Actually can I call you later, check up on the nose? I think I'm going to miss you tonight."

"Of course you can. Now stop looking so apologetic and go and help your mom fix dinner." She stood on tiptoes to kiss Quinn on the forehead and turned to the door before quickly turning back. "I love you."

"Night Rach."

Rachel shoulders drooped a little as she turned back to the door and let herself out.

* * *

"What did you expect?" Kurt was trying to be understanding but he'd known all along that sooner rather than later Rachel would be coming to him with Quinn troubles.

"That's not fair, she's been so good. She told Santana about us."

"And that was very impressive of her. But if she can't tell _You_ that she loves you then how can you really be sure she's ever going to be OK with this?"

"Because I trust her. God, Kurt, I just needed someone to vent to, I didn't think you'd be trying to tell me to break up with her. This is so hard for her; you don't know much this confuses her. But you should see her, when we manage to sneak away to OZ or when it's just us and Santana."

"So she's fine when you're ghettoised, hidden away in some dingy bar. You don't deserve this Rachel."

"No you're right, I probably don't deserve her, I am Rachel Berry after all."

"That's not what I meant and you know it. You deserve someone who treats you better." Kurt reached for her hand but she pulled away.

"I thought you'd get it. She's not like you or me; she doesn't have parents like us. If I told my dads tomorrow they'd hug me and then ask what I wanted for dinner. Quinn's mom would probably throw her out again. I know she loves me from the way she looks at me, the things she does for me, the feeling I get when she holds me in her arms. But I know I'm not worth losing everything for, again. I understand why she's scared and I can't talk to her about it because it would just make things worse. So I came here hoping you would just listen so that I could go home and tonight and talk to her on the phone and not sound like sometimes I'm just as scared as she is."

She started to cry and when Kurt pulled her in for a hug she let him.

"I'm sorry. You're right. And you're worth so much more than you think you are. I know you love her, but please don't forget that."

They sat like that for a while, Rachel letting her tears fall over her fear that just maybe Quinn didn't love her and Kurt telling her over and over how worthwhile she was. A year ago both of them would have laughed at such a scenario.

The next day Rachel found a toy rhino with a Band-Aid on its horn. Around its neck was a tag reading:

_I hope this is the only Rhino anything that I'm ever the cause of._

Rachel couldn't help but smile. Instead she took a picture of it on her phone and sent it Kurt. That should shut him up for a day or two.

* * *

A week later she was sitting in her living room with Quinn and Santana. She wasn't exactly sure why Santana was there, but they seemed to be watching American Idol amicably enough and she wasn't going to rock the boat. Quinn was lying across the couch, her head on Rachel's lap as Rachel played with her hair.

"I could totally sing better than this bitch. Plus that is the worst weave I have ever seen."

"You're right Santana, her form is a mess."

"Yeah, and those jeans aren't helping anybody."

Quinn smiled at the two of them getting along. She liked when they could hang out like this but she knew it wouldn't last. Santana usually managed about an hour around Rachel before she would bail.

"You could easily be on this show Santana. I mean I don't rate it much as a route to Broadway, their idea of a skilled singer is rather different than mine, but with your talent you could do well."

"You think?"

"Of course. You have that sultry thing that can't be taught."

"Thanks Berry."

Quinn could tell Santana was getting uncomfortable so tried to change the topic.

"Hey Rach, where are your dads, they're usually home by now?"

"Dad had a conference in Columbus so Daddy went with him."

"You mean you have the house to yourself for the night and I'm here watching AI with you losers?" Santana seemed incredulous.

"Well, I didn't know you were coming, but I don't see why that had to get in the way of our weekly appraisal of Idol contestants."

"Berry, get a clue. Parental free household, two teenagers who can't keep their hands off each other and me. That math does not add up." Rachel started to blush a little. "I'm getting out of here."

"San. We were just going to watch Idol and get some pizza, it's OK."

"Seriously, you both need to get better at using the opportunities god provides you with. Now I'm gonna go see if Britt is done with her lame date. You two better make good use of your time alone. That guy's gonna get kicked off anyway."

Santana left without another word leaving Quinn and Rachel speechless.

"That was quite an exit."

"I know you have the diva storm out patented, But San's got some moves of her own. Also maybe we should take her advice. This couch is a little uncomfortable sometimes." Quinn quirked an eyebrow.

"It can get lumpy in places and my room has better lighting. For finishing the homework we're meant to be doing after Idol."

"Of course, better lighting."

Rachel stood, took Quinn by the hand and led her upstairs to her bedroom. She let go as she moved onto the bed, beckoning for Quinn to join her. They lay on their sides, facing each other, Quinn's hand running through Rachel's hair.

"Hey." Rachel said quietly.

"Hey."

"So I was wondering."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think Santana likes me?"

Quinn laughed.

"Right now, right here, you were wondering if Santana likes you? Should I be jealous?"

"Don't be silly Quinn, I mean as a friend."

"I'm not sure Santana likes any one. But I don't think she actively hates you."

"That's a start I suppose. Would you be jealous?"

"If you wanted to know if someone else liked you? Yeah. I would. I want to be the only one that gets to like you."

"Do you not think that's a little selfish Quinn? What about all my future fans?"

"They can't have you. At least not like this."

Quinn leaned in and kissed her, first softly but then hard and passionately as if she had a point to prove. Eventually breaking away Rachel looked up at Quinn from under hooded eyes.

"I'm not sure I'd want anyone else to have me like that."

With those words Quinn dove in for another kiss, deep and wanting. Their hands became frenzied, running through hair, over skin, pulling at buttons and hems. Soon they were both topless, lips and tongues sucking and nibbling at terrain now so familiar yet still so wondrous. Quinn was above Rachel, her left hand bracing her as she ran the fingers of her right hand down Rachel's abdomen. She got to the waistband of Rachel's skirt and traced it lightly. The feeling sent shivers through Rachel and she swallowed hard. God she wanted this but she had to be sure.

"Quinn just because Santana…"

"Please, don't mention her at a time like this." Quinn continued to run her fingers back and forth, dipping under the waistband just slightly.

"Sorry for, er, conjuring images but we don't have to…"

Quinn stopped and locked eyes With Rachel, trying to convey the sincerity behind her words.

"Rach. This isn't about Santana. I know we don't have to. I just…"

"Quinn, I've never…" Rachel tried to look away but she couldn't tear herself away from the intense eye contact she was sharing with her girlfriend.

"I haven't since…" Quinn blinked but never stopped staring.

"Since Beth" It was a topic they'd never talked about. However close they had gotten and however much they trusted each other it was one place Quinn was still scared to go.

Rachel took Quinn's face in her hands as the blonde finally closed her eyes for a moment, letting the feel of Rachel's hands keep the connection between them. When she finally opened them again Rachel was still there, still trying to look as deep within her as she could.

"You were so brave." Rachel said, as she traced a thumb over Quinn's cheek.

"I was stupid." Quinn tried to look away, hide from the love she could see in the other girl's eyes because she knew she didn't deserve it.

"You made one mistake and you've paid so much for it. You need to stop hating yourself."

"How come you always know how to say exactly what I need to hear?" Quinn gave a watery smile.

"Most people wouldn't agree."

"Most people are idiots." Rachel chuckled lightly and Quinn was warmed by the sound. She looked down at their almost naked bodies, vulnerable and wrapped up in each other. "I want to Rach." It was quiet; half whispered conformation, half plea.

"Me too. I love you so much Quinn, I want to show you."

"You don't have to, I don't need it, I know."

She looked more forcefully into Quinn's eyes.

"I want to. And I want it to be with you. I trust you."

She kissed Quinn, hoping the blonde would feel through the kiss all the love and passion but also the surrender. She wanted, needed, Quinn to touch her, to meld their skin together and be so close no one could tell where one ended and the other began. She wanted to shower love on the blonde, touch every inch of her and prove how strong her desire was. She wanted Quinn to be the first person to truly touch her.

Quinn was terrified, excited, wanting and panicked all at once. She might not be a virgin but this was all new. The way Rachel was looking up at her, the weight of all her trust falling upon Quinn's shoulders. She wanted to give Rachel all she deserved, to make Rachel feel more loved than she ever had. Because Rachel deserved all the love in the world. She swallowed down her fear and decided the only way to make this perfect for Rachel was just to let her love guide her.

Quinn kissed her again, deep and long. Her hand resumed its movements against Rachel's stomach, this time slowly starting to inch the material of her skirt down. Rachel grew a little impatient and lifted herself up, tugging the skirt away and throwing it to one side. Quinn's hand hovered, wanting to touch but still so scared. Rachel pulled away from the kiss they were still sharing.

"Your turn first". Her hands went to the zipper at the back of Quinn's skirt and soon they were both only in panties. They locked eyes again and with renewed confidence Quinn let her hand cup Rachel, catching her breath at the wetness and the guttural sound that the brunette let slip.

They were both tentative at first, light touches, small grazes and questioning eyes. But as heart rates rose and breathing sped up they became bolder. "Is this all right"s and "oh my god"s fell from their lips. Fingers and tongues and teeth touched and scraped and licked. They bucked against each other finding a new rhythm to a dance neither of them had been taught but both seemed to now instinctually. They would take it in turns to lead, both slaves to the song in their heads. As Rachel finally tightened around her and Quinn felt that same pull deep inside they looked at one another, deeper than they ever had before and Quinn had never been so scared in all her life, because finally she knew exactly what love meant.

They lay there for a while, wrapped in each other, listening to the beat of the other's heart. Rachel had always imagined her first time would be perfect; after all she'd have 25 years of living to express through her body. And though it had been awkward in places, they had laughed and as those laughs dissolved again into passion she was so glad she hadn't waited. The feeling of giving herself to Quinn, of letting herself be that vulnerable and rather than being broken being saved, it was more than she could ever have hoped for. Plus it felt amazing. She moved slightly so that she was face to face with Quinn, their bodies still wrapped around each other. She cupped Quinn's face and looked into her eyes but there was something there she couldn't place.

Quinn's head was swimming. She was in love. She'd known it, or at least she thought she had. Rachel had made her feel happy and safe. Rachel gave her butterflies just looking at her. Surely that was love. But in that moment, Rachel unafraid to give her all that she was, willing to accept and love Quinn despite everything, it was like a floodgate opened. All of a sudden she felt whole and it made her realise she never had before. It made her want to run. Because Quinn Fabray didn't get to feel like this, Quinn Fabray would mess it up somehow just like everything else. And then this beautiful amazing girl in her arms would get heart broken.

Rachel searched Quinn's eyes, trying to work out what she was thinking. But the only thing in Rachel's head was love, pure, perfect, unadulterated love. She didn't mean to say the next thing that came out of her mouth but in that moment it just felt like the only thing in the world she could say.

"I love you Quinn Fabray. Go to prom with me."

"No", Quinn said. And with the sound of that single syllable she felt her heart breaking.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N so to write this chapter I put on my 'love lost' playlist and went to town. Hope you guys are up for a little angst.  
As is ritual now, thanks to all those who read/comment/review. **

* * *

Quinn sat up, extricating herself from Rachel's arms and moved to the edge of the bed. She started picking up her clothes and putting them on, her eyes trained on the floor. Rachel moved closer, placing her hand on Quinn's back.

"Quinn."

Quinn didn't know if it was a statement or a question.

"I don't even want to go to prom this year, Rach." She tried to keep her voice even.

"Quinn." Rachel left a pause before she spoke again, trying to push through the sadness of the rejection to understand where Quinn's head was at. "When have you ever not wanted to go to prom? Weren't you the one who said being prom queen was more important than marriage?"

"That was before."

"Before what?"

"Before this, Rachel" Quinn was getting angry. Rachel had been so good, so patient, why did she have to make it hard now? She just needed time. Time to stop feeling scared, time to get her head around the ridiculous content feeling that had settled in her heart moments before. Time to adjust and force herself to truly believe this wasn't wrong. And maybe time to convince herself that she deserved it. But suddenly Rachel wanted something public, wanted her to stand out there in front of everyone and claim this. Claim this feeling as if it was hers to have, claim this girl as if she had any right to after all they had been and done. She was closed off and cold, she was self-preservation. Rachel was open, forgiving, brave. How could she stand up and ever claim to be worthy of that when she knew ultimately she could only ever take those things away from Rachel. Because Quinn knew she would always be a coward. But maybe, somehow, if Rachel just gave her time…

"I don't see why this changes who you are."

Quinn didn't know how to answer that. She still kept her back to Rachel; still felt the heat radiating from the girl's palm resting between her shoulder blades.

"I just figured I wouldn't be going to prom this year."

"Because you're with me?"

"No…because…" She had no idea how to finish the sentence.

"Are you scared of people knowing? Because Santana already knows so it's almost a certainty that Brittany knows and they don't care."

"They're my friends. Sort of."

"So you don't want strangers to know you're gay?"

"I'm not gay Rachel."

Quinn sighed. That was part of it, though she was loathe to admit it, the idea was still scary. The idea that even if it was just this one girl, it was still a girl.

"That's worse then. You don't want strangers to know you're with me."

"God Rachel no, it's not you. I don't want people thinking they know anything about me, making assumptions. I don't want to give them the chance to judge me. Let's just skip it. We'll go to Oz. We'll have more fun there anyway."

She hoped she could put Rachel off, persuade her they didn't need some stupid teen rite of passage. And she hadn't lied. She didn't want people to judge her. At that moment she wasn't even sure she knew herself, the idea of other people deciding _they_ knew who she was was terrifying.

"So you can hide me in some dark corner?"

"Rach, please, I just…I can't. I'm not…"

This wasn't how this moment was supposed to go. She was meant to be able to lay there in her girlfriend's arms and forget there was anything outside of that room. Instead she could feel the tears starting to make their way down her cheeks. She finally turned to look at Rachel. And the moment she did she knew she shouldn't have. All she saw was resigned acceptance.

"Fine Quinn, I asked, you said no. I should have expected it."

"No you shouldn't. You should have expected to be with someone who'd say yes and buy you a beautiful corsage and dance with you all night, grinning at all the jealous stares they get."

Quinn was silent for a moment. She really didn't think it would happen this soon but as much as she hated to admit it she'd known she would always be the one to do it. Looking at the defeat in Rachel's face made her realise she had no other choice. It would only be worse later.

"We can't do this anymore" Quinn tried sound like the Quinn everyone else knew rather than the one Rachel had somehow come to love.

"What?" From the look on her face Rachel had not been expecting this.

"I can't keep doing this to you Rachel, I can't be what you need."

"I'll be there for you; we can get through it together." Rachel's voice was pleading.

"I can't. I just can't. I'm a coward and you deserve more than that."

"So that's it?" There were tears now, tears tinged with anger.

"Yes Rachel, that's it. I can't do this, out there in public, and you deserve someone who can, someone who's not scared."

"I can wait, I know this is hard."

"That's the point, you shouldn't have to wait. You should be with someone who's excited to be with you, who jumps at the chance to show you off, who's proud to call you theirs." She reached out and traced and thumb over Rachel's cheek, dragging tears with it.

"You are proud of me."

"Yes, here, in this room, in the dark where no ever has to see. Rachel you need the spotlight and I can't give you that."

"But I don't need that, I don't." She grabbed Quinn's hand and squeezed it.

"Godammit Rachel _I love you_ and I can't bear to see you hiding away." Quinn took her hand away and got up from the bed.

"So the first time you tell me you love me you're breaking my heart?"

"Yes. Because that's all I can ever do, Rach, break your heart and make you cry, it's all I was ever going to be able to do, don't you see?" She wanted to look away, away from Rachel now just wrapped in a sheet, her knees up against her chest, looking so small, so vulnerable.

"But you love me, you just said so, that's enough for me."

"It shouldn't be and you shouldn't ever let it be! You deserve everything and loving you only makes me want that for you more. But I can't be the one to give you that."

"But here, when you hold me, you feel this." Rachel pressed her hand against her chest.

"Yes but then there'll be that moment when we'll walk into a room full of other people and I'll take my hand from yours and move just those few inches away and every time I'll see the heartbreak in your eyes. I can't keep seeing that because eventually it'll be all I'll ever see and it'll kill me. I need you to be happy. Please understand that Rachel."

"I can't. I can't understand why you can't be the one to love me."

"Because my love isn't good enough, it never can be."

"Fine be a coward, walk away from this. But remember the things you said. Remember you told me you'd never been this happy in your life. And when you're sitting alone remember how you threw this away. You're the one doing this Quinn." There was anger cutting through Rachel's tears now.

"I know. And one day you'll understand."

"I'll never understand this." Her voice was bitter.

"Rachel, I…"

She knew there was nothing she could say. She picked up her sweater from the floor, took one last look at Rachel and left the room. As soon as she was out the door she slumped to the floor and leant against it, tears making hot rivers down her face. She'd listened to god knows how many songs about heartbreak but none of them had ever warned her that it actually hurt. She felt like she'd been punched hard in the ribs. She understood why guys punched walls sometimes, the idea of causing a real physical pain rather than whatever this was seemed like a really good idea. Instead she balled up her fists and let her sobs wrack through her, breath ragged and painful.

Rachel sat stunned on her bed. How had it gone from basking in the afterglow of the most perfect moment in her life to feeling so lost and alone and angry? She should have known this would happen. How could she ever have deluded herself into thinking Quinn Fabray would want her? How could she ever be enough for someone to want to risk themselves? She hated that Quinn was such a coward, that she could run so easily. She wanted to hate Quinn, she wanted it so much but all she could hear in her head was the blonde saying she loved her. Over and over the words echoed and Rachel hated the way they made her feel warm and cold in equal measure. She wanted to scream and break something. She wanted to run after Quinn, fall on her knees and beg her not to go. She hated Russell Fabray and school bullies and conservative governments and all the other small cogs that fit together to make a world where Quinn was scared to love her. But she couldn't hate Quinn. She closed her eyes and thought back to 30 minutes before, to the look of love and adoration in Quinn's eyes as they stared at one other, closer to each other than they had ever been to anyone else in their lives. Obviously something had changed, something had made Quinn realise that she didn't want Rachel enough. Maybe seeing her there, all of her, unbridled and unchecked, Quinn had seen something she didn't like, something that made her want to leave. Rachel stayed wrapped up in herself for the rest of the evening alternating between sobs and clenched, angry fists.

Quinn finally made it to her car repeating a mantra to herself. This was for Rachel, this was for the best, this was for Rachel.

* * *

Rachel woke the next morning not remembering when she had fallen asleep. She looked over at her alarm clock, 5:30am. She could see the dawn starting to make itself known through the crack in her curtains. She traced the edge of her pillow with her finger and started to plan how she was going to cope with school. If Quinn was going to let her fear get in the way of something this good then she was going to let her. She meant what she said last night; Quinn was welcome to wallow in her cowardice. Rachel would set her sights on the future, keep working on her plan to get out of this stupid town where it still seemed like the most important thing a person could do was conform. She didn't need anyone else. She didn't.

Quinn didn't sleep, not for a second. She spent the night with this strange feeling like her lungs had been removed. Somehow it felt like something had actually gone missing from her chest, she felt this space, this lacking and it made it hard to breathe. But she had to stand by her decision. She wasn't good enough for Rachel Berry and she never would be. Rachel needed light and laughter. She realised she couldn't remember the last time Rachel had smiled at her in public. She looked back and she could see it time and time again, the corners of the brunette's mouth starting to curve before she would catch herself and try to look neutral. Rachel deserved to smile. She was beautiful when she smiled. Quinn could feel the tears again and got angry at herself. It wasn't her right to cry. She did this; she let them get this far when she'd always known how it would end. She was not allowed to cry over a self-inflicted wound no matter how much it hurt. She got out of bed and dragged herself to the shower. She didn't know what to expect at school.

* * *

Rachel arrived at school hoping her attempt at stoic was hiding the quivering pain that had taken up residence since the night before. She was going to hold her head up and show Quinn what a mistake she'd made. Of course to the general populace of McKinley High there was no reason for her not to be her usual self. They had no idea of the changes in her life, of the fact that she wasn't the same person she'd been six months before. She'd loved and been broken and not in an adolescent way she thought she had been before, but truly. She wished the wound was visible, that people could look at her and see she wasn't the naive kid she used to be. She walked to her locker with purpose, trying her hardest not to look for the blonde. It was time to be selfish, to work on what she needed. And as long as she didn't see her, didn't look in her eyes, then maybe she could keep this anger going just long enough to get out of this town.

Quinn managed to avoid seeing Rachel all day. Thanks to the girl's obsession with planning, and surprising love of sneaking around, months ago she had made Quinn a comprehensive schedule of all their movements. At the time it was so they could find opportune moments to sneak away and make out. Now it meant Quinn knew which halls to stay away from so that she could at least have most of the day to avoid seeing her. But every time she looked at the clock it got closer and closer to 3pm and closer and closer to glee club. She was tempted to skip but she knew they'd eventually have to be in a room together. She was taking the Band-Aid approach.

Suddenly there it was, 3 o'clock. The day had been a haze, made up staring into the distance and trying not to have a heart attack every time she saw a head of brunette hair in the distance. Rachel's day had not been much better. She spent most of it desperately hoping to at least catch a glimpse of Quinn. She told herself it was so she could show her that she wasn't broken, that she wasn't going to crumble just because Quinn was a selfish fool. But really she was just desperate to see her. She needed to see what Quinn was feeling, to see if this was ripping the other girl apart inside just as much as it was her. She needed to see that Quinn was hurting, that this had mattered, that she really did love her. Because at least then, at least if Quinn was breaking her own heart as well, well then she wasn't quite as alone. Because maybe the worst thing in all this was that Rachel had just started getting used to not being alone.

She walked into glee to find Quinn wasn't there. Maybe she wasn't at school at all. Perhaps that was actually a good thing; give them both a chance to prepare for seeing each other. She might be angry at Quinn but she wasn't feeling vindictive and she was pretty sure that crying the moment she saw her might give away that they had become more than friends. She took a seat and waited for Mr. Schue to get proceedings under way. Then she walked in, eyes low, watching her feet, hair hanging in front of her face. When she finally did look up Rachel found herself drawn to Quinn's red, puffy eyes. It was obvious the girl hadn't slept. Rachel was consumed with both relief and compassion. She wanted to feel nothing, or at least feel the anger she was trying so hard to maintain. But she couldn't just turn the love off. Quinn was hurting, sure she was hurting herself, and Rachel, but she was hurting none the less and all Rachel wanted to do was put her arms around her and tell her it would be ok. Quinn looked at her for a moment and then looked away; squeezing her eyelids shut and sitting in the seat Santana had saved for her. She saw the Latina whisper something at Quinn who just shook her head and then stared down at the folder in her lap.

The moment her eyes met Rachel's she felt a wave of guilt. Sure Rachel looked fine, poised and alert but Quinn knew her better now. Saw the way she was worrying at her thumbnail and clenching her jaw, saw the sadness in her eyes. She wanted to take it all back, say she was sorry, she was an idiot, could she ever be forgiven? But she couldn't so she screwed her eyes shut before looking for Santana and taking a seat next to her.

"You look like a hot mess, what did you and Berry do last night?"

"Not now Santana."

"Quinn…"

"Not now, please." It wasn't angry, it was desperate and Santana knew not to push it.

The club had been working on songs by bands fronted by women. A feminist endeavour suggested by Rachel that for once the rest of the girls, and even some of the guys, had thoroughly agreed with. It was Tina's turn to sing. She got up in front of the club and nodded to the band to start. As soon as the song began Rachel felt her façade start to fall apart. As it progressed, the lyrics burrowing into her heart, saying all the words she wanted Quinn to hear, all the things she knew wouldn't change her mind, the tears started to fall. Tina was near the end but Rachel knew she couldn't hold back any more. As the sobs started at full force she stood up, knocking over her chair and running out of the room.

Quinn heard the first bar of The Pretenders' 'I'll Stand by You' and tried to block it out. This was the last song she needed to hear right now. She looked over at Rachel who was a row in front of her on the left. She could see the girl's shoulders shaking lightly, trying to hold back tears, tears Quinn so desperately wanted to kiss away. She felt the sting of her own tears prick at her eyes and blinked them back. She did not deserve to cry. She held on for most of the song, but then all of sudden Rachel ran out of the room, her sobs evident. Everyone looked at each other wondering why the song had caused such a reaction but no one went after her. Santana looked to her questioningly, wondering why Quinn wasn't already halfway out the door after her girlfriend. Quinn just put her head in her hands and held on with all she could. It killed her to see no one go after Rachel, to see no one cared enough to wonder why she was crying. She didn't want Rachel to be alone. She looked up at Santana, hoping she would see what Quinn needed without her having to say it in front of the whole club.

"Hey. Maybe one of you should go check on the midget. I don't care enough to do it, but we'll never hear the end of it if one of us doesn't go check on her." Santana sounded indifferent and Quinn would have believed if she hadn't watched her kind of friend warm to the girl over the past few weeks.

"I'll go." Tina said, "It's probably my fault for singing the song anyway."

Tina headed out of the room in search of Rachel and it was decided they might as well finish early for the day. Quinn was glad to be headed home; it was easier to feel sorry for herself in her room, listening to sad music. Santana caught up to her just as she reached her car.

"Hey Quinn, what's wrong?" Santana seemed genuinely worried.

"It's over." Quinn's voice remained even.

"What?"

"I ended it last night."

"Why? You seemed so…"

"She asked me to prom."

"Oh." Santana gave her a compassionate look, she understood.

"Exactly. I couldn't, I just…"

"Hey, Quinn, I get it." She placed a hand on Quinn's shoulder and squeezed lightly.

"Thanks."

"But couldn't you just not go to prom? I'm sure Rachel would have understood."

"She shouldn't have to understand. You should have seen her face, like she expected the disappointment. She expected me to let her down, again. How could I stay with her knowing I do that to her?"

"But she loves you."

"And I love her. Which is why I ended it."

"I don't get your logic."

"I don't expect you to. But can we just not talk about it. I kind of hate myself right now. For god's sake, I slept with her and dumped her within the space of an hour."

"You sealed the deal, huh?" Santana gave a small smile, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, and broke it. Guess that makes me kind of a bastard."

"No, Q, it makes you an idiot. But I already knew that."

Santana moved forward and pulled Quinn into a hug. It had been a long time since they'd last done that and at first Quinn was reluctant, but then it just felt so nice to feel close to someone and she relaxed into it, her tears returning.

"Hey. Let's get you home OK?"

"OK."

Santana walked Quinn round to the passenger side and opened the door for her before running round and getting behind the wheel.

"I hope you have a lot of ice cream at your house."

"Yeah, but it's vegan."

"Oh man, you're more of an idiot than I thought."

Tina found Rachel in the nearest bathroom sobbing quietly in one of the stalls. She spoke to her through the locked door.

"Hey, Rachel, are you OK? Was it something I sung?"

"No, Tina, it wasn't your fault. I just have some things going on at the moment and that song brought up a lot of emotions I wasn't ready to confront so soon."

"Oh. Are you going to be OK?"

"Yes. Thank you. And thank you for coming to check on me, it was sweet of you. Did you draw the short straw?"

"Rachel."

"I know chasing after me following one of my diva storm outs isn't high on anyone's to-do list."

"It's not like that."

"Nevertheless, thank you for checking on me, but I'll be fine. You can go back to the others and tell them I'm OK."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure."

Tina left and Rachel allowed herself another ten minutes before leaving the stall, fixing her face and heading out to the parking lot. She knew she needed to talk to someone; she couldn't keep this bottled up. She wasn't looking forward to the inevitable 'I told you so's but there was really only one place she could go.

* * *

"Oh honey." Kurt wrapped her in his arms and let her cry until it seemed like she'd got it out of her system, at least for now.

"You can tell me you told me so if you want."

"As much as it may be true, I wouldn't do that. You might have many annoying traits but that doesn't mean I like to see you hurting. No one deserves a broken heart."

"I just feel like an idiot. It was all so perfect, everything I'd never known I'd dreamt of and I had to go and ruin it."

"Rachel, you just wanted her to go to prom with you, you didn't propose marriage. I don't think there's anything crazy about wanting the girl you love, the girl you just gave your virginity to, to go to prom with you."

"But I knew she'd say no, I knew it would spook her. I guess I just hoped, after we'd shared that, after she'd been so gentle and loving, that I was finally enough. But I'm never enough."

"Don't you dare. This is not about you. This is about her being a coward. You deserve more than her."

"You know what the worst thing is Kurt?"

"What"

"If she came up to me tomorrow and said she was sorry, that she loved me and she wanted me back? I'd take her back in a heartbeat."

"Oh, Rachel."

* * *

Two weeks went by and Quinn continued to avoid Rachel in the halls as much as possible and Rachel let her. She moved her schedule around so she could take a different AP chem class, not wanting to make Rachel's life any harder than it had to be. Most days she coasted through school, doing the bare minimum and ducking into classrooms whenever she saw Rachel coming. She'd skipped half the glee meetings and the ones she did go to she would sit in the back and stare at the floor until it was over. Sure people noticed her being even more cold than usual, especially given the change in her demeanour they'd noticed over the past few months, but they just chalked it up to Quinn being Quinn. Only Santana knew what was really wrong and as hard as she tried she couldn't get the blonde to grow a pair and change her mind. As for Rachel, she threw herself full force into glee. Ever meeting she was suggesting songs, critiquing others, coming up with new choreography. It was like glee was her life and it was starting to grate on the other members. But no matter how much they griped Rachel pretended not to hear and kept going. She was not going to break, she was going to be strong and focused and if she could just make everything in glee perfect and never look at the sad hazel eyes in the back row, then maybe she could be OK.

Santana was at Quinn's again. She'd been coming over a lot since the break-up. It had become her mission to make Quinn not make the same mistake she had. She'd left it too late to be brave with Brittany, let her fall into the arms of someone else while she battled her own insecurities. She wasn't going to let Quinn do the same thing.

"Just ask her to prom"

"I can't."

"I don't see how it could make you less happy. Look at you, you're a freakin' mess."

"I just can't. I can't deal with the way people would look at us."

"Maybe some things are worth the stares."

"Oh yeah, Santana? I don't see you rushing up to Britt and begging her to come to prom with you."

"Well maybe that's cos she already has a date. I don't have a girl out there who'd give anything just to dance with me in that stupid gym." Quinn was starting make her angry.

"I just know what'll happen. They'll see us together and think, of course, it all makes sense, no wonder she had to get drunk to have sex with Puck."

"So what if they do?"

"I'm not gay, Santana!"

"Because that would be awful?"

Quinn's eyes went wide, she hadn't meant it sound like that. She didn't care that Santana or Rachel was gay, she really didn't.

"No, that's not what I'm saying…I…It's like, it starts with prom and then it's double dates and dinners with our families and maybe thinking of going to the same college. She's Rachel Berry, it would all snowball so fast and I know at some point I'd get scared and I'd run. I'd think of the wedding I always thought I was supposed to have, the grandkids I was meant to give my mom and I'd run."

"And you know this for a fact? You said no to prom and broke up with someone you love because you think maybe 10 years down the line you're gonna get scared and run?"

"Better now than then when we've really built something."

"You realise as scared as you might be you've just admitted you imagine a future with her." Santana was trying to be a little more gentle now.

"Of course I have, I love her."

"So what's the damn problem!"

"It's not the future I'm meant to have."

"And?" This was infuriating, like trying to explain aerodynamics to a toddler.

"I don't know if I'm brave enough to go off track. And I'd rather break my heart now and bruise hers than see the look on her face in 10 years' time when I run from a life we've made."

"I wish you believed in yourself more."

"Me too."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to move on. I'm going to get through the rest of this year. I'll go spend the summer with my sister or something and next year I'll concentrate on applying for college."

"You're going to move on? You can't even look at her. Every time she sings I see you crying."

"So I'll quit glee and I won't look at her and I'll move on."

"Quinn…"

"I have to. I don't have any other choice."

"Go to prom with me." Santana's face was perfectly serious.

"Um, as much as I care about you San have I not just been explaining…?"

"As a friend. Britt's going with Artie and I wanna go but I don't want to stand around on my own watching her have fun. Come with me, we can wallow together."

"Fine. But you even talk about Rachel and I'm leaving."

"Fine by me. I'm getting tired of only ever talking about the midget."

Quinn rested her head on Santana's shoulder. Even if the Latina bitched at her most of the time, it felt good to have someone who cared. She hoped someone was looking after Rachel.

* * *

**A/N there is one more chapter to go, hopefully up in about a week. Thanks for coming this far with me, hope you stick around for the end.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N So here we are, the end. Thanks for joining me on this ride. I hadn't written fic in years but all your reactions have really inspired me, so thank you. I hope the end doesn't disappoint. **

* * *

It was two weeks until prom. Quinn and Santana were on their way back from dress shopping. They had decided it was important they didn't clash but also that they didn't match. After all they were going as friends, not a couple, and neither wanted to give people the wrong idea. Plus the thought of them being anything more than friends grossed them both out. Quinn had been looking out of the window while Santana drove.

"Do you think Rachel will be there?" Quinn had been trying not to talk about her but much to Santana's annoyance it seemed almost impossible.

"I don't know" She replied, shortly.

"Who do you think she'll go with?"

"Seriously, Q, you have to stop. I don't even talk to the girl. If you want to know go ask her."

"I can't."

"Well stop asking me 'cause I have no damn idea. Jesus."

"I'm sorry I just don't want to bump into her there."

"You think you won't be able to control yourself when you see her all dolled up?"

"No. Maybe. I just don't want to make this even harder for her."

"Stop being a martyr. You made your decision. A stupid one, but you made it. So go to prom and get on with your life like you keep telling me you're going to."

"You're right."

"Always."

Santana dropped Quinn at her house. As she walked in she heard the unmistakable sound of her mom in the living room watching TV. She wasn't in the mood for another conversation in which her mom suggested a nice boy from church who would happily be her date to prom. She snuck upstairs to her room and went to hang up her new dress. As she did so she spotted the top from that night. She pulled it off the hanger and went to lie on her bed. It still smelled like Rachel, more than that it smelled like them, traces of Rachel's shampoo interwoven with her own. She breathed it in and let her mind wander back to that night. It hadn't been like with Puck. That night had been awkward, uncomfortable, confusing. With Rachel it had been how she imagined a first time should be, like she couldn't imagine being more loved. She could almost still feel Rachel's lips on her but rather than tingling it just hurt. She wanted to feel like that again, to be wrapped up in Rachel's touch, but she knew it was selfish. Weirdly she was no longer scared of the fact that her most satisfying sexual experience had been with a girl because she knew it wasn't about a girl or a boy it was about Rachel. But she also knew the rest of the world wouldn't see it like that. Her life had always been about labels: girl, cheerleader, Christian, Fabray. These were words she had carried with her, words that defined her to the rest of the world. Being at prom with Rachel would have added a new word and just like the others it would be one she had no choice in. Since she could remember she'd been taught to be what other people told her she was, that's how you got people to love you. How could she ever be strong enough to change what she'd always been?

* * *

Monday at school Quinn sat with Santana in home room listening to Principal Figgins go through the morning announcements.

"And finally the nominations are in for Junior Prom Queen. Five girls have made it onto the ballot this year and voting forms will be available at the dance. Your nominees this year are: Erin Lancer, Sarah Jeffries, Quinn Fabray…"

Quinn didn't hear the last two names. She turned to Santana in shock.

"Guess you still got it Fabray."

"But no one outside of glee even talks to me."

"Maybe they're still scared of you."

"Maybe. I'm kind of in shock."

"Wasn't this what you always wanted, prom queen like your mom?"

"Sure, but that was before, back when I was a Cheerio, back when I was popular. Back when I knew what I was supposed want."

"Looks like you still _are_ popular."

Santana smirked.

"What?" Quinn asked.

"I never thought I might end up taking the prom queen to prom."

"It's not a date."

"Maybe not, but that's so not how I'm gonna tell it when I'm telling my kids all my sordid tales of high school."

Quinn started to laugh.

"What?"

"You and kids. I'm scared for them already."

"Shut it, queenie."

"Jealous?"

"Not even."

Quinn had been avoiding glee for a week but she really missed it and Santana had persuaded her it was time to man up and get on with her life. She was right. If things were ever going to be OK she had to move forward. Weeks of wallowing had only given her stained pillows and a notebook full of painful prose. And if she was really honest she missed seeing Rachel's face. She knew it wasn't fair of her but she needed to see her. She missed those eyes, the sound of her voice. She knew it would hurt but in some ways it felt like her penance. If she was going to cause Rachel pain then she deserved to feel some of her own. And maybe, somehow, one day a long time in future Rachel just might forgive her and she'd get to see that smile again. That smile that made her heart flutter.

She walked into the choir room early, taking a seat near the back hoping somehow she could go unnoticed. Of course she was never going to be that lucky. As the rest of the club filed in Rachel saw her almost straight away. Their eyes met and Rachel held her gaze like a challenge. Quinn felt like a trespasser. She looked away first. Finally Will arrived and the meeting got underway, Quinn staring at the back of Rachel's head as if somehow it would convey to the brunette how sorry she was.

"Quinn, nice to have you back. Santana said you've been unwell so I hope you're feeling better."

"Thanks Mr. Schue, I'm feeling…I'm OK."

"Well you've missed out on this week's assignment. We're doing songs by little known British bands."

"Seriously Mr. Schue, way to scrape the barrel."

"Thank you for your input Santana, but I think diversity is important. Anyway, Rachel I believe it was your turn to start us off this afternoon."

Rachel swallowed hard. She'd assumed Quinn had quit glee. They'd hardly seen each other in weeks. In some ways she was glad of it; it had allowed her initial rage to become a slow bubbling anger. At least when she was around people. In public she had become more ruthless and driven than ever. She was not going to get hurt again. She would make something of herself, she would have fans and admirers and people desperate just to be in the same room as her. Never again would someone be ashamed to be seen with her. In private it was a different matter. For the first few days as soon as she got home she would curl up in her bed and rest her hand lightly where Quinn's head had lain. She would close her eyes and remember how it felt to look in Quinn's eyes and feel loved. She would cry until she didn't think she could cry anymore and then she would fix her face, give herself a stern look in the mirror and head downstairs to her fathers. As the weeks drew on she indulged her heartbreak in different ways, listening to every break-up song she could find, trying to list all the things she could have done that might have made a difference, watching old movies with Kurt, his arm wrapped around her during the inevitable happy ending. Sometimes she got angry with herself. From the start she'd promised Quinn she'd be OK with whatever happened, that just spending time together was enough. She hated that she couldn't keep that promise. Because it wouldn't be enough anymore. She couldn't just be Quinn's friend again. Too much had been said and done. She'd been a fool to ever think it would be any different. She was still raw but she wasn't going to let Quinn see that. As their eyes met across the choir room she stood firm, she was not going to be the one to look away, she wasn't the coward here. But when Quinn finally did break the gaze she felt her chest constrict, like Quinn was leaving her all over again. It was stupid, but somehow part of her had hoped Quinn had come back to glee for her, that their eyes would meet across the room and Quinn would realise she couldn't live without her and despite all the other people there she would run across the room and take Rachel in her arms and kiss her. She wished she was less of a fantasist. Instead she sat down and waited for the meeting to start.

In all the shock of seeing Quinn she'd forgotten it was her turn to sing. She wasn't sure she could do it; she didn't think she'd be singing the song she'd chosen in front of Quinn. Rachel had always used singing as a way to say the things she wasn't sure she could, or should, say out loud. The rest of the club would probably have no idea what was going on, but she knew the minute Quinn heard the lyrics she would know they were about her.

"Actually I'm not sure I'm ready Mr. Schuester."

"Really Rachel, that's not like you."

"I know. I've been very busy this week."

"Still, I'm sure you can manage anyway, Brad's been practicing the number for you."

She sighed, it wasn't fair to make Brad work and not perform.

"OK. But it's still a little rough."

"I'm sure it'll be fine."

Rachel stood up and turned to face the rest of the club. She took a deep breath and nodded to Brad, keeping her eyes anywhere but on Quinn.

_You hear me so clearly__  
__And see how I try__  
__So you feel me, so heal me__  
__And tear me apart_

_I won't tell a soul__  
__I won't tell at all__  
__Do they have to know__  
__About my Goodnight Girl_

_Caught up in your wishing well_

_Your hopes and sadness_

_Take your love and promises_

_And make them last_

Quinn didn't listen to the rest of the song she just sat there watching as Rachel poured out her heart unbeknownst to everyone. She looked over at Santana but the girl just raised her eyebrows and then turned back to watch Rachel. Quinn didn't pay attention for the rest of the meeting, she was sure they discussed things but she didn't really care. She knew Rachel was hurting, but every time she had seen her she'd seemed so forceful, so full of drive. Part of her knew it was all bravado but it still made her feel better to think that Rachel was channelling her hurt into something productive. But something in that performance was different. She wasn't melodramatic or histrionic; she was sombre, almost detached. She sang her pain as if it was normal to feel like that. She wanted fiery Rachel back, because this one, she didn't know if she could ever look at this Rachel without feeling guilty. She was so caught up in her thoughts she didn't even notice the brunette approach her at the end of the meeting.

"Hello Quinn"

Rachel stood in front of her but not close, her hands held in front, barely making eye contact. Her voice sounded sad.

"Hey"

"Congratulations"

Quinn looked at her, confused.

"On the prom queen nomination."

"Oh, thanks. I really wasn't expecting it."

"I suppose you're still popular."

"I guess so."

"Well I hope you win."

What should have been a bright, happy statement just sounded tinged with regret.

"Rachel."

Quinn reached out a hand but Rachel backed away.

"No, really, I hope you do. I know it was always something you wanted."

"Yeah. I guess it was."

"Quinn Fabray always gets what she wants, right?"

"Not always."

They made eye contact finally and Quinn did all she could to hold back the tears.

"Well I should go. I have a lot of homework to do." Rachel was almost looking through Quinn, like she was trying to find something deep within her.

"Is it still taco night?"

"Yes. Although Dad's gone back to eating seitan with us now that you're not there to eat meat with him."

"I'm sorry."

"I'll tell him you send your apologies."

"Not just for that."

"Don't" Rachel sounded more hurt than stern.

"Rachel, is there any way…"

"Don't. I have to go. Goodbye Quinn."

She turned and walked away, head held high, knowing she just had to make it to the car before she started to cry. Quinn made it as far as her locker.

* * *

"You look beautiful Rachel."

"Thank you Kurt, you look pretty suave yourself. Thank you for doing this."

"Pass up an opportunity for formal wear? I'm not sure you know me at all."

They both smiled. They were in the Berry's foyer waiting for Leroy to get his camera and take a picture of them. They made a pretty couple.

"OK kids; let's take one for the Oscar room."

Kurt wrapped his arms around Rachel and pulled his best model face, Rachel laughed through her smile. Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all. When the pictures were taken and her dads had told them to have a good night and drive safe they got into Kurt's car and headed for school.

"Are you sure you're going to be OK?"

"I'll be fine. I've been readying myself for this night for a while now. I want to have a fun prom and I'm not going to let Quinn being there stop me. So you and I are going to dance and drink punch and I'll let you tell me how awful all the other girls look in their dresses."

"Sounds good to me. Plus it'll be fun for me to be back in the old place again. Well, as long as Karofsky stays away."

"I'm not sure he'll even be there, who would want to go to prom with him?"

"True."

They arrived at prom at the same time as Tina and Mike. All four exchanged hugs and Tina started asking Kurt what he'd been up to since she last saw him. On their way towards the dance floor they walked past the table set up for prom court votes.

"Vote for prom king and queen?" The boy at the table asked Rachel. Kurt gave her a look but she ignored it and turned to the boy.

"Sure."

She took a ballot sheet from him and with a slow steady hand put a cross next to Quinn's name. Whatever else she felt she knew that this had always meant something to the girl and Rachel was big enough to try and help give her this moment. The more she thought about it the more she felt sad for Quinn. It didn't negate her hurt but she'd slowly come to realise how little Quinn regarded herself and her own needs, how lacking she was in self-belief. Rachel had grown up in a house where she was told there was nothing she could be or want that would make her parents love her any less. Quinn had never had that. So even if that made Quinn a coward it didn't mean Rachel didn't want her to have one moment where she could feel like she could make her parents proud and feel loved, even if it was conditional.

It was a while before she finally saw Quinn. She had been having fun, laughing and joking with her friends, dancing with Kurt. Then she saw her, walking away from the punch bowl, two cups in her hands. She watched to see who she took the other drink to, imagining it was probably some boy from church that Judy had set her up with. Her heart stopped when she saw Quinn hand the cup to Santana and lean in to whisper something into the Latina's ear.

"Rachel…Rachel I asked you why you think Amy Collins thought purple could ever be a good shade on her?"

"Sorry, what?" Rachel looked back at Kurt, still not sure how to process what she'd seen.

"What's wrong?"

"Over there." She pointed at Quinn and Santana.

"Oh."

"Do you think they're together?"

"No. I'm sure they're just here as friends."

"Really? But they look so…"

"Quinn and Santana? That makes no sense."

"But Santana had whatever she had with Brittany all that time. What if it wasn't the gay thing, what if it was me? Maybe after we slept together she realised she liked girls she just didn't like me. And now she's here with her, in front of everyone. If she could go to prom with her why couldn't she go with me? Why Kurt?"

By this point Rachel was sobbing. Kurt pulled her into a hug, no idea of the right thing to say.

"It _was _about me. All that stuff about labels and being scared what people would say. She was just ashamed of me. I'm such an idiot."

"No, honey, you're not. She is."

He leant back and handed her the hankie from his pocket.

"Go fix your face, I've got a few words I want to have with Miss Fabray."

"Kurt, no."

"Go. I'll see you in a few minutes."

He turned Rachel towards the exit and gently pushed her. Once she was on her way he stalked over to Quinn and Santana.

"I don't know what the hell you think you're doing but you're a cruel, cruel person whatever it is. I can't believe you'd flaunt _this_ in front of her. She told me you'd changed but I'm glad I was never stupid enough to believe her."

Quinn was shocked at the sudden tirade and had no idea what Kurt was talking about.

"What? What am I doing, flaunting?"

"You and her. Really a step down, Quinn."

"Hey" Santana squared up to him. Quinn placed a hand on her arm to hold her back.

"Kurt, there's no her and me. We're here as friends. I'd never…I wouldn't do that to her even if there was someone else. Does she think…?"

"So you're not…?"

"No! Never in a million years. Think I would put up with her WASP ass? No way." Santana was almost laughing.

"Is Rachel OK? Could you tell her that it's not what she thinks? I can't believe she thinks I'd move on that quickly, is that how she sees me?" Quinn's voice betrayed the panic she was trying to hide from her face.

"She's hurting; it's making her think all sorts of crazy thing. I wish you'd talk to her."

"I can't. What would I say? Sorry I'm a scared mess who's never going to be good enough for you, how was dance class?"

"Maybe just start with how are you. She misses you. As much as I hate to admit it you were good for her." Kurt patted Quinn's arm gently.

"No I wasn't."

"Well anyway, I should go and find her and clear this mess up. Good luck with the vote."

"Thanks I guess. Though I'm not going to win, why would I?"

"Stranger things have happened."

"True. Can you tell Rachel…just make sure she's OK. Make sure she has a good night. Tell her her dress makes her look like Audrey Hepburn."

"You've seen the dress?"

"She's been watching her since we got here. Best prom ever." Santana's words were dripping with sarcasm.

Kurt looked at Quinn and half smiled.

"I'll tell her. You look beautiful too Quinn."

"Thank you."

Kurt headed to find Rachel and Quinn looked down at the drink in her hand.

"Come on queenie, let's go tell the DJ to play something upbeat, see if we can't get this party started."

Kurt found Rachel sitting on the chairs along the wall of the gym.

"You look a little better."

"Thanks."

"They're not together."

"She would say that."

He took Rachel's hand and forced her to look at him.

"They're not together. I promise."

"OK."

"By the way. I thought you should know you remind me of Audrey Hepburn tonight."

"Really?" Rachel's face brightened.

"Really. Let's dance."

For the next hour Quinn danced with Santana and tried to have a good time. But she couldn't stop thinking about Rachel and how awful she felt for causing her more pain. She made sure she kept sight of the girl at all times, just to make sure she was OK. As she watched Kurt dance with Rachel she wished it could be her. She looked beautiful and all Quinn wanted to do was hold her close, brush back one of the perfectly curled tendrils of hair that framed her face, and kiss her. Instead she plastered a fake smile on her face and listen to Santana make rude comments about Artie.

There wasn't much of prom left and Quinn was heading back from the bathroom when Puck took her by the arm and pulled her into a corner of the room.

"Puck, what the hell!"

"I've been watching you all night, spill."

"What are you talking about?"

"What's been going on with you Quinn?"

"Nothing, I just…"

"Don't try that on me. We might not be close anymore, but we shared something and I recognise that look. You're struggling with something. So come on, out with it."

Quinn sighed, she knew Puck was right, no matter what else happened in their lives they understood each other in ways no one else would.

"I let someone go. Or pushed them away I guess, because I thought they'd be better off without me."

"You're kind of making a habit of that Fabray." There was a sadness in his voice.

"Puck…"

"Seriously, you gotta stop pushing people away. Some people actually like you y'know. Once they get past all the silence and eye rolling. So what happened?"

"I got scared I guess. I started thinking about the future and I realised one day I wasn't going to be what they needed me to be. I was a coward, like always."

"Hey. You are one of the bravest people I know. The way you held your head high last year despite all the shit everyone put you through, that's not what a coward does. So you got spooked, it happens. Just apologise."

"I can't. I have no right to, to put them through all my issues. I would have ended up breaking their heart one day anyway, I figured now's better than later."

"So you broke up with someone because you decided that _one day_ you might get scared and run away? That's stupid."

"Puck."

"No. That's friggin' idiotic. So who's the girl?"

"What?"

"Who's the girl? I may not be all rainbow flags and Clay Aitken CDs but I know the pronoun game when I hear it. Plus I always had a feeling; no other girl has so easily turned down what the Puck has to offer."

"If you remember I didn't exactly turn you down."

"Yeah, but you weren't particularly into it either. So who is she?"

"Rachel."

"Berry?"

"Why does everyone say it like that? Yes, Berry. I'm in love with Rachel Berry."

"That's even worse."

"Hey!"

"No, not that it's Berry, that you're in love with her and you still did this. Quinn, two years ago you were head Cheerio, you ruled this school and you wouldn't even look at Berry twice except to insult her. Now you say you love her but you're still scared about what you might do in the future. Look at yourself; you're the poster child for things not turning out how you thought. Who knows what's going to happen or who we'll be. Look at me, I'm frickin' monogamous. Shit happens Quinn, people change. Don't give up on being happy because of something that might happen. That's just dumb."

"But I'm so scared. She wants to hold my hand in public and I get palpitations."

"You sure you're not just turned on?"

"Puck."

"Sorry."

"Seriously. It took me months to be able to kiss her in front of strangers. How can I ever be good enough if I can't even kiss her around our friends?"

"I'm not saying it's easy, I'm just saying you're an idiot to let someone go if you love them. This isn't like Beth. You were right about her; right now we'd be no good for her. Maybe one day we can get to know her, but right now we'd just mess her up. But right now with you and Rachel, you love her, how is that ever a bad thing?"

"When people sneer at you in the street."

"Let them, you're Quinn Fabray, like you care."

"But I do care, I've always cared."

"Really, like when you quit Cheerios?"

"That was different, that was for Britt and you guys."

"But you still did it. And it wasn't just for us. Glee made you happy. Like Rachel makes you happy."

"Maybe."

"No maybes. I know you're scared, but you gotta suck it up. Cos Rachel's been crazy these last few weeks and now that I know what's been happening I realise that before that you were pretty chill."

"She made me feel safe. Like someone really cared about me."

"That's all that matters. You deserve to be happy Quinn"

"Really?"

"Really"

"Lauren has been good for you hasn't she?"

"Yeah, she has. I guess I've learnt that for the right person you'll end up becoming who you should be, even if it's not who you thought you'd be."

"So you're saying I need to stop being scared and let myself be happy?"

"I'm saying get your head out your ass."

"Thanks Puck."

"For what?"

"For not caring, for who you've become. I like him. I hope Beth gets to meet him."

"Me too. And just so we don't get too sappy, if you get back with her tonight, can you kiss her while I'm there?"

"If I get back with her tonight I think the only way it'll happen is if I kiss her when everyone's there."

"Sweet."

"Perv."

"You love it."

"I do."

He pulled her into a hug and she relaxed into it. He was right. She couldn't believe it took Puck of all people to finally make her realise the mistake she'd made. Perhaps it was seeing the man he was becoming. If Puck could end up a decent thoughtful human being then surely she could be whatever she wanted. He was right, there was no template for the future and maybe the only way of ensuring you'll end up happy is to be happy now. He was right about Beth too, if she ever got a chance to know her daughter she wanted to be someone the girl could be proud of, someone who took chances and did what was right. She hadn't realised it before but the decision she was making now was the same one she'd made then, you have to do what's right in the moment and just hope it builds a foundation for a good future. She remembered all the times Rachel had made her watch Rent.

She whispered to herself.

"There's only now, there's only here, give in to love or live in fear."

Puck pulled out of the hug and looked at her.

"Huh?"

"No day but today." Quinn smiled to herself, if this worked out she'd have to tell Rachel her epiphany included lyrics from a Broadway song.

"Ok, you lost me."

"Puck, can you help me out with something?"

"Sure. What do you need?"

Quinn stood on the stage with the other nominees for queen, really not caring at all about the outcome. No matter which way it went she was ready. She just hoped it was enough. She looked over and saw Puck by the DJ booth, her iPod nano in his hand, he gave her a wink. She breathed in and stood tall, looking out into the crowd to find the one girl she'd been unable to take her eyes off all night. She was at the back of gym talking to Kurt and not looking at the stage. Figgins approached the mic to make the announcement.

"Good evening students. I'm happy to announce your 2011 junior prom queen is…" He opened the envelope. "Quinn Fabray."

Quinn hadn't really been listening; she'd been too busy watching as Rachel eventually turned her attention to the stage. She only realised what had been said when a hand gently pushed her toward the front of the stage and she saw a small smile appear on Rachel's face. A tiara was placed on her head when she made it to the mic but her eyes were still on Rachel and finally Rachel was looking right back at her. This was perfect. Not because she'd won but because everyone in the room, including Rachel, was watching her and waiting for her to say something. This was her moment, now or never. She couldn't believe how hard she was shaking. She took a deep breath and somehow felt like everything was going to be just fine.

"I really wasn't expecting this, so thank you everyone. But there's a particular person I want to thank specifically. Somebody who's taught me about the kind of person I want to be."

At those oh so familiar words Rachel's eyes widened and she reached down for Kurt's hand squeezing it hard.

"See, I told you if you made me watch that film so many times the lines would be ingrained on my brain. But I mean them. I know this tiara would suggest I'm still the same Quinn I always was but that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm a better person than I was then, at least I hope to be, and that's all thanks to you…Rachel."

Quinn pointed to Rachel at the back of the gym and everyone turned to look at her. Quinn beckoned for her to come to the stage and as Rachel walked forward the crowd parted around her.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done. For how much I've hurt you. You mean the everything to me and anyone in the world would be lucky to take you to prom. This should be you up here Rachel. You've always been my Johnny Castle. But I think sometimes you need someone to be yours, so here I am, Baby."

Quinn turned to Puck and gave him a nod as she walked down the steps off the stage and up to Rachel. She took the girl's hands in hers as the opening bars of their song started to play. Both girls had tears in their eyes.

"If you forgive me I promise to never hurt you again as long as I live." Quinn looked pleadingly into Rachel's eyes.

Rachel looked down. She didn't want to just give in as if all that was needed was a public apology. But who was she fooling, that's all she'd ever needed.

"I forgive you."

Quinn brushed the tears away from Rachel's face and kissed her as if they were the only two people in the room. As she broke the kiss she pulled Rachel into her and they began to dance slowly, neither caring about the students that surrounded them. At first there were shocked faces and a few phones brought out for emergency texting. Perhaps unsurprisingly the least shocked of the student body were the other glee kids. Anyone who'd ever spent any time with them would have seen this coming a mile away.

Rachel removed her head from resting against Quinn's shoulder and looked up at the blonde.

"Why didn't you decide to go the whole way and play 'Time of my Life'?"

"That's not our song."

"Maybe it could be."

"I think maybe it should be." Quinn leant down and kissed Rachel, channelling all her hopes for the future into the gesture.

Rachel broke the kiss this time.

"What about all the things you said?" Rachel asked, still a little uncertain if she wanted to hear the answer.

"I decided being with you was worth being scared."

"But you're still scared? Of the future?"

"Yeah. I have no idea how to do this, how to be with you. But I realised I want to try. Will you let me try?"

"The future is always going to be scary, but it's no concern when we're wounded together."

"What a beautiful mess this is."

Quinn pulled Rachel closer again. They stayed like that long after the song finished. They didn't even notice as the DJ played his last song and people started heading home. Finally Mike drew the short straw and went to tap Quinn on the shoulder to tell her the dance was over and they had to head home. She left with Rachel's hand in hers and a smile that could light up the dark.

* * *

**Three months later**

They walked past the hotel reception towards the elevators. Both girls had a silly grin on their face remembering the conversation they'd had when they checked in. Yes they were sure they wanted a room with a king size bed. No, it was fine, they didn't need to swap to one of the available twin rooms. They got into the elevator and Quinn squeezed Rachel's hand and just smiled at her.

"Did you have a good time?" Rachel asked.

"I had an amazing time, thank you. But now it means I have to up my game for the next big anniversary."

"Well if you'd let us celebrate three like I suggested there wouldn't be so much pressure."

"Rachel I think first kiss and officially becoming a couple are enough anniversaries for anyone. If we start adding every time we get back together after a big fight I think by the time we're 30 we'll have about 15 anniversaries."

"What are you suggesting Quinn?"

"That you and I are going to have the most amazing but tumultuous relationship."

"Good word."

"Thank you."

They exited on the third floor, Rachel already prepared with the keycard in hand. She opened the door and walked in, Quinn following behind. She turned as she noticed Quinn still at the open door, leaning against the doorframe watching her.

"Yours is the first face that I saw, swear I was born right in this doorway." Quinn sang to her.

"You are such a cheeseball."

"Yeah, but a cheeseball that you love."

"Yes, a cheeseball that I love. Now get in here. I didn't pay for this room so that you could watch me from the door."

Quinn smirked and walked in. She pecked Rachel lightly on the lips and then slipped out of her shoes and went to sit at the head of the bed. She motioned for Rachel to come and sit next to her.

"I can't believe we're bringing an end to this on purpose." Quinn sighed.

"I know, but there's only so much sneaking around we can do."

"True. It's been fun though."

"Yeah. Apart from the heart attack I thought you were going to have the other week." Rachel poked Quinn in the ribs.

"Well how exactly was I supposed to explain to your dads why I was hanging out at yours in my old Cheerios uniform?"

"I don't know, but we'll have to come up with something because you in that is just..." Rachel exhaled.

"You did seem like quite a fan."

"Let's just say it fulfilled some of my well-worn fantasies."

"Pervert."

"Hey, I was just appreciating. Who ever invented those skirts is the real pervert."

"I've said much the same myself."

Quinn leant over and kissed Rachel.

"So your dads or my mom first?"

"I think your mom first. That way if things…if it doesn't go well then I know we'll be able to go to my dads. There's no way they could have a problem with us.

"Thank you Rachel."

"For what?"

"For being there for me. I know I took my time and I was an idiot." She kissed Rachel tenderly. "I can't believe we lost almost a month where we could have been doing this."

"I'll always be there for you. And I happen to think we've done quite a good job of making up for time lost." Rachel ran her hand through Quinn's hair.

"We have. You know I think this might just be my favourite summer ever."

"Mine too. And let's do like we said and put the past behind us."

"You're right. You know what I _was_ thinking though?" Quinn asked.

"What?"

"Once our parents know I'm pretty sure there'll be no more unquestioned sleepovers and overnight stays in hotels. We just might have to keep up with our sneaking around."

"Oh really?" Rachel smirked.

"Yeah."

"I still have that black beany."

"And the boot polish?" Quinn raised an eyebrow.

"Of course."

"Well then let's make the most of not having to go to such extreme lengths while we can."

"Let's".

Quinn pulled Rachel on top of her and kissed her, letting her hands roam freely, slowly starting to remove her girlfriend's clothes. Rachel pushed up on her right arm as Quinn unbuttoned her shirt, kissing the skin as it was exposed. Suddenly she stopped and Rachel looked down at her confused.

"Is everything OK."

"_So _OK." She looked deep into Rachel's eyes. "I love you Rachel Berry."

**A/N so there you have it, was that fluffy enough? I was brought up on teen movies so there was no way I could end this without a classic prom declaration. Thanks for reading.**

**This chapter includes a line from the film Dirty Dancing**

**and lyrics from 'Another Day' from the musical Rent and 'The First Day of my Life' by Bright Eyes.**


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